Last year, I thought, was probably my lowest low with everything that went on and that I had to get over. Five really bad years and then I was over it, for the most part, at the beginning of this year. Now I'm not so sure.
I was happy and I was with someone who loved me. But, as always, self-sabotage reared its ugly head and that was the end of that. I've fallen into bad habits with relationships again and I don't know how to feel about that. I was convinced things had become better in my life and I know now that they are better than the lowest point. (And the baby is an obvious bright spot, no doubt). But I used to think they would be the way they were before I nearly died and it doesn't work that way. It's hard to keep on when you lose people or you have to leave people behind for other reasons and it just chips at you and chips at you until you finally break. The last time I broke, it lasted a year. I won't get that down again, I can't and I know that. It's too far back to climb to get to some sort of normalcy. I know part of my problem has been stability and...I just can't do it anymore.
