I was talking to one of my best friends today and it got me to thinking about role models. I've had some incredible people in my life through the years, and I've looked to different ones for advice on different things. Career-wise, I've learned from the best there is and I'll always be very grateful for that. I love my job and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Marriage-wise, well, I've not been as lucky.
I come from a big family. My grandma had seven children; four boys and three girls. I spent the first eight years of my life living in a two bedroom, one bathroom house with my grandma, mom, uncle, sister, brother and cousin. It wasn't bad, actually. When you don't know any different, it doesn't really bother you. My uncle is a single father and from the second my cousin was born he became completely focused on him. My mom is also a single parent of three kids and she did all she could for us. She still does. My uncle didn't go out much, but my mom would go out every now and then and try to have a personal life. She became engaged when we were six and my brother was five and her fiance just adored all of us. He couldn't wait to become a full-time father to us. Before they could set a date, he was killed in a hit and run on his way home from work. Obviously that was a big blow to my mom and things only got worse when my grandma died a few years later and it sent our living situation into total chaos. My mom's always been a wonderful role model on life in general. She's found the humor in just about everything, good or bad, and that's something the three of us all have inherited. She's never been married and yet she probably has the best views on the subject of anyone I know.
My other two aunts have had very different marriages, and their twins ironically enough. One was married years ago when my cousin was born and the second he knocked her around, she left him and took the kids. The other has been "married" for nearly 30 years to her "picnic sweetheart". They met when they were 17 at her best friend's family reunion and they have two kids and are ridiculously happy. Married is in quotes because they never actually filed any paperwork. They just had the big wedding (well, as big as they could at the time) and a family and never really felt like they needed anymore than that. They've had their issues but they've never considered splitting up. They always talk about being a team and working against the issues that come your way, instead of against each other and it obviously works for them.
The second youngest of the boys married twenty-some-odd years ago and they're happy. My Nino got married a few years ago, in his mid-40's, and so far, so good. That's saying something considering his older brother (the black sheep of the aunt/uncle clan) has been married three times. His first wedding was beautiful, judging from the photos; his second was in Vegas to some woman we'd only met one or two times and no one found out about it until their first anniversary when they had a big reception in the mountains. His current wife is..well, if you know me, you know that story but they go back a long ways and they seem very well matched in the sense that they both think they're right and you're wrong and if you feel otherwise, you just shouldn't talk to them. My uncle is very much like my grandma was, stubborn and "my way or you can go to hell" type attitude. In fact, when my grandma was in the hospital before her death, he showed up unexpectedly and her blood pressure shot up so high and so fast that the nurses were concerned. lol. After she died, he came around a lot more than he used to, usually with his new girlfriend and there were several. Some of them were really great, but you knew in the back of your mind that whomever you were having breakfast with that Sunday would be gone in a month. For some reason, he's the one I seem to think of when I think of marriage role models.
I don't know why he's the one that comes to mind, we're not close, never have been and probably never will be and I'm okay with that. He's the kind of family member that loves everyone in his life conditionally. He's not even speaking to his own children right now because they choose to have a different opinion on things than he does. Not that I blame them, he never was a good father. I've always worried about ending up like him, for some reason. I guess more because of the serial dating than anything else. I'm out of that now, thank God, and that makes me worry just a little bit less. But it still makes me wonder why he's the one that sticks out, when I do have a few other better examples.
