In the past week or so, I've had three conversations on the topic of religion. The first one kinda prompted the next two, it was a convo where some wires seemed to get crossed about how each of us felt on the subject. Fortunately it all got cleared up later on but it got me wondering if I give off some kinda vibe that's anti-religion. So I asked another friend that very question (if he thinks I'm anti-religion) and the response was, "You're not?". I asked one more friend about it, a friend who I think brought me closer to my faith in some ways, and she said she got that vibe from me years ago but not anymore. So basically all three had or have the same opinion. And in one way, they're all right - I did used to be against anything involving religion.
I've said before I was raised Catholic but strayed from it in high school because I didn't like the way people seemed to abuse their beliefs or only claim their religion during bad times. I started studying a number of different religions on my own in high school but wasn't close to choosing one. Then came the loss of the girlfriend and the accident and recovery process, during which I abandoned what was left of my Catholic beliefs. This is the point where I began having major beef with both the man upstairs and anybody who told me what I was going through was 'god's will'. In the immediate aftermath of a crisis or having lost somebody (or both), some people turn to their faith for answers and that's how they get through it. But other people need more than the standard, 'everything for a reason' or 'they're in a better place now' explanations. And the more people who offer those explanations, the more upset it makes the person actually going through the drama. I was one of those who needed more.
Even though I began studying religion again a few months into my recovery, it took me years to finally find something that worked for me and it turns out it isn't really a religion so much as a way of life. I totally lost faith in everything post-accident and it took a lot of energy and time to get it back but I can finally say I'm there. I don't really have a name for what my beliefs are now, nor do I think it's important that I find one. I know what I believe and the people close to me (for the most part) know the basics and are really just happy I believe in anything at all, given all that happened. Hell, I'm happy I believe in anything at all after that. I guess I just didn't realize how sensitive a topic religion can be, even with people who aren't particularly religious.
I don't have a religion and I have no problem saying that, it's what works for me. But I do have faith and, for me, that's much more important. I think everyone should find what works for them and pursue that path, cuz it's the only way you're gonna ultimately find peace. I feel the same way about people who go to religious services; it's not for me but if it works for you, then have at it. I think part of me worried while having these convos that maybe I wasn't as tolerant religion-wise as I thought but now I know that's not true. I have friends who are every faith under the sun; Christian, Born-Again Christian, Catholic, Buddhist, Jewish, Agnostic, Mormon, Wiccan (I don't know what the hell it is either but I still love and support the friend who rocks it) and a few friends who don't feel the need to define what they are, like me. I think belief in something is a very important element of a person. But I also think it's one of the more personal parts of who we are and some people aren't comfortable sharing that, and that's fine.
