My teenager and her father have always had a very strained relationship. He was 16 when she was born and has been alone with her since she was 4. One would think that it being just the two of them for so long they would be extremely close, but that's not how it's worked out. Even after I took custody of her I made sure she kept in close contact with her dad, something I know she hated but I made her do it anyway. In the beginning, their conversations consisted of mostly dead air over the phone with a random, general question thrown in here and there. But their relationship has improved dramatically since then, they've had lunch together a number of times and they talk at least three times a week. It's no longer awkward silence, it's actual conversations. Everything was going fantastic. 'Was' being the key word.
Her father recently dropped a bombshell about how he has a new girlfriend that he plans on proposing to in the next few weeks and the teenager is pretty pissed off about the whole situation. Her dad is only 35 so it's not like she expected him to never marry or possibly have more kids. What's got her so riled up is that dad has apparently being dating this woman for almost a year and a half and hasn't mentioned her at all until now. So it basically amounts to dad wanting to introduce her to his girlfriend and marry his girlfriend all within a few months time, making this woman her stepmother (and he seems very insistent on using that term). Yeah, I'd be pretty livid about that too if I were in my teenagers' position.
Interestingly enough, as my teen is dealing with the news that she's getting a stepmom, I'm dealing with the news that the mother of my child has decided to introduce our child to her boyfriend of about six months. All this has led me to think about what a fine line it is between introducing a newbie to a kid too soon as opposed to too late. I always say that I feel like it should be very serious before you bring the kid into it, but I've never thought about it beyond that. I guess I just figure that when the time comes, I'll know. It didn't occur to me that there could be a too late option until this whole mess with the teen. Obviously the situations are different - his kid is out of the house and mine is far from that age - but I still don't think it was right for him to hold out until just before he proposes. How is she supposed to trust this woman and bond with her now, having learned about this when she did? I have no doubt that if he would have brought her up much sooner the teen would've been receptive to it and things would still be good between them. I don't really know what to tell her since I'm not thrilled with him right now either.
No one's sure what to tell me about my situation either so I've kinda been on my own on this one. I tend to think about stuff for awhile before putting down on paper (or screen) how I feel about it. But I have to admit I have not yet fully processed this latest data. The ball is in my court on this one though since my ex wants me to meet the boyfriend first and then decide how I feel about him meeting the kid. I'm trying to keep an open mind. But I'm not gonna lie to her either. If I meet him and feel like he's not a good influence for the kid, then I'm gonna tell her as much. And hopefully she'll understand that I'm only looking out for the kid and that it's nothing personal towards her. But I still feel like it's too soon to bring him into the fold and I can't shake that feeling. Everything about this dude screams that it's just a fling but I can't make her not bring him around, even if that is the case. I'd like to believe she's not stupid enough to bring a non-serious dude around but I know her history when it comes to men so I'm not exactly encouraged. But I'm keeping an open mind...
