You know those mornings when you feel like everything you do is wrong? Or when you feel left out of major decisions? Well, this has been one of those mornings for me. Years ago an ex-girlfriend told me she thought I had too much responsibility in my family. She pointed out that I'm a middle child; I'm number three of six six in the house I grew up in and I'm technically my mom's middle child (if only by two minutes). According to this ex, I shouldn't have to be as "involved" as I am in family matters cuz I'm not one of the oldest in the family. I didn't buy her argument then and I don't buy it now. (Just for some perspective, she was the youngest of 7 kids and I never heard her talk about having to take an active role in family biz).
It's not like anyone's forcing me to play the part I do in my family. It's my own damn fault I care too much about people. And that's not even really a fault, at least I don't consider it one. I would rather care too much than not enough. But it sucks when your offers of support and love are thrown back at you and you have no idea what you even did to deserve it. I could gain magic powers and conjure up both of my brother's birth parents to come back from the dead and tell him he was their favorite son and it would not be enough for him. Same with my cousin (referred to in the last post as D.M.C.), I could change myself to be his carbon copy and do everything the way he thinks it should be done and he would still find some aspect of the way I live my life to nitpick about. And I don't understand it. I don't get how you can lay into someone before they even say a word to you. Or how you can just decide to cut someone you supposedly love off for answering a question that YOU asked them to answer. It's stupid and it doesn't make any sense. And I'm just done with it all.
