The woman I lovingly refer to as crazy aunt is one of my favorite people on earth. It's one of those connections you can't really explain. According to my mom, we've adored each other from the day I was born. I have a lot of great people in my life who love and care about me a lot but few are as protective as crazy aunt. This woman would do anything for me and would probably hunt down and do extreme physical harm to anyone who so much as called me a bad name. When I was 8, she offered to go to school and beat up a kid who said I wasn't Mexican and I've rarely seen her as worked up as she was at that time. She also refers to my ex-fiancee, whom she's never met, as "that b*tch", despite my having told her several times that I played my part in that whole disaster. I love crazy aunt.
Crazy aunt celebrated a birthday recently and we went out for a better late than never birthday lunch today. We talked about the trip and the custody stuff going on with my daughter (who I miss like you wouldn't believe). Then she mentioned that her daughter's best friend is single and "right around the age you like them". I didn't say anything so she kept talking and said this chick is 38 and wants kids like yesterday and has "a thing" for Latino dudes. I told her I appreciated the attempt at a set-up but I'm not interested in chicks who want babies immediately, to which she replied, "Mijo...you're 30. You need to think about this.". Crazy aunt likes to fling that number at me. I told her I'm 30 (yes, I've hit acceptance and stopped referring to myself as "25"), not 50 and that I don't even know if I want more kids so I have no business dating someone who wants them right now. "You're great with kids, you need to have more babies," she says. And with that, she decided I do want more kids and I will have them with this chick she still wants to set me up with. I just can't win. But I enjoyed lunch all the same.
Right after we got home from lunch, we found out my estranged uncle is about to divorce his wife of a couple years. We were under the impression this would be his fourth divorce but apparently it's gonna be his SIXTH. That's a half dozen women this dude has married and then left behind. Half. A. DOZEN. I don't want one wife and he's gone through six. We never even knew he married wife number 5 (which is not a surprise actually). The entire family is sure he's already got a new girlfriend that he probably started seeing while he was still married (that's been his M.O. in all his relationships). Upon hearing this, crazy aunt did a 180 on trying to make me take a wife and have some babies. Suddenly, this chick she was forcing on me an hour ago isn't good enough for me and isn't marriage material (I refrained from telling her that a chick who isn't marriage material is my kinda chick to avoid opening a whole new can of worms). My family has never been particularly skilled at marriage but this one uncle is some kinda special to keep getting back on the marriage horse when everybody and their mother knows he's not cut out for it. Two marriages that end in divorce, no problem. But a six pack of ex wives? Damn.
