Last night I had a conversation with a friend who told me to tell my brother I love him, even if I don't like him at the moment. The point being you never know what could happen and that people need to hear how you feel about them because knowing but not actually hearing you say it out loud just isn't the same. I'm a very big believer in saying how you feel, when you feel it. This is both good and bad because with my lack of a filter for my feelings, you never know what's gonna fly out of my mouth next. For example, I was once sitting between my sister and my best friend and we were watching some chick show where these two women were fighting over a man. Without thinking (a common occurrence for me), I asked why women can't just get along with each other. And if looks could kill, I woulda been a dead man at that moment cuz they both shot daggers at me for grouping all women into the 'crazy' category. This was one time it would have done me a world of good to have a filter. But I kinda prefer not having one cuz it also makes it very easy for me to tell people I love them, something I only say when I really mean it and feel it. If anything happened, I would at least want the ones I love to know with 100% certainty that I loved them.
Since the train my brother and I were supposed to take for the rest of our journey derailed, our travel plans have been altered quite a bit. We're taking buses the rest of the way and, rather than having arrived home early this morning, we'll get back tomorrow evening. But everything for a reason. My brother isn't doing as well as I'd hoped on the trip, being in a sitting position for too long is very uncomfortable for him and seems to make breathing a little difficult for him. This wasn't a problem on the train since we had our own room with beds and he could lie down or get up and walk around when he needed to. But he has to be upright on a bus for hours at a time and it's been rough for him.
We left early this morning and both fell asleep on the bus for a couple of hours. I woke up and noticed he still looked very tired so I asked him how he was feeling and he said not so hot. I told him we get into our destination early tonight so he should be able to go to bed early and get more rest and he made a comment about my being a caring dude. I told him of course I care about him, he's my little brother and I want him to be healthy and happy and, maybe someday, not hate me anymore. He said he doesn't hate me and then changed the subject, asking who I'd been on the phone with last night (I thought he was asleep so I went into the hallway to talk). I wasn't sure what he was getting at so I didn't outright answer the question but he said that whoever I was talking to, he likes them already cuz he hasn't heard me laugh the way I did last night in a long time. And with that, the lines of communication opened up a little bit.
During what turned out to be about a 45 minute layover in God Knows Where, Iowa we were able to take a walk to get some food and re-stock our snack stash at a Wal-Mart. I felt bad cuz all my brother wanted to do was lie down for awhile since he felt so lousy. We improvised and found a display of hammocks and exercise benches (random) towards the back of the store and we both got to just lie there and chill out for a few. Then it was back on the bus for a relatively painless ride to our destination, which is where I write this from now. He slept for most of the later part of the ride so we didn't get to talk much until we got to the hotel. We grabbed some food, checked in and watched tv for awhile before he turned in early. Perhaps not surprisingly, I'm not all that tired despite getting maybe 7 hours of sleep in the last couple of days. This has certainly turned into an adventure but I'm not really complaining. We leave at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning (on a SUNDAY, I have to be up at 4:45 AM) but the good news is that there's a Starbucks AND a Burger King on the same block as both the hotel and the bus terminal. So maybe it won't seem like as early a morning.
