For The Life Of Me, I Cannot Believe We'd Ever Die For These Sins, We Were Merely Freshmen

It's been a hellish five or so days for my friends and I. Fortunately, things seem to be on a tiny upswing. I hesitate to get my hopes up, but I'm learning to take a breath during the moments when things are calm. E is doing well, thankfully. They initially thought he was bleeding internally but that turned out not to be the case. Obviously, he's still not great but he is well enough to be moved back home. His family is looking into getting him a nurse so he can spend his time at home, instead of in hospitals. I hope that works out.
I got to spend some time with E, just the two of us, for the first time in awhile. And we had plenty to catch up on. It was probably the most peaceful hour I've had in the last month. We talked about everything we always have; sports, funny stuff, family. And then we got into a subject we rarely talk about - our past girlfriends. E and I have a lot in common, right down to having lost our first loves unexpectedly, and at around the same age, although we handled our losses quite differently. I was 21 and refused help for my issues, choosing instead to throw myself into self-destructive extracurricular activities. E was 19 when his girlfriend was accidentally shot. Actually, they were already engaged and planning their wedding when it happened.
He was devastated and fell into a depression for about a year after. He didn't date anyone for about five years and has rarely wandered into an actual relationship since. We talked at length about all of this around the time we first became friends but have rarely touched on it since. It only came up now because he's been thinking a lot lately about what happened. I told him about the party from hell last month where I found out my departed girlfriend may or may not have cheated on me. He thought about it for a minute and then told me that he and his departed had issues with cheating and were headed towards postponing their wedding at the time of her death. But that he had no intention of breaking it off because he felt like they were just kids and it was an innocent mistake. And I can understand that. Honestly, I might have done the same thing in his position. And it's got me thinking about some stuff.
I don't know, and will never know for sure, whether or not any cheating took place before my first love passed away. That's a blessing and a curse, but it is what it is. I can't change it. I can't come to a definitive conclusion without all the facts and there is no way I will ever know all the facts. So what can I do? Not a thing. It's one of those mysteries of life. Maybe it'll be resolved when we meet in our next life. Maybe not. Either way, I have to accept it. And I think I have already. Deep down, I do not believe she ever cheated. Call that wishful thinking if you'd like. But knowing her and knowing what she believed in, I highly doubt she would have kept someone else on the side. The entire time we were split up, all either of us wanted was each other. The reason we stayed apart so long was because we weren't mature enough to handle and appreciate what we had. We didn't work things out like we should've, we just fought and then broke-up. I don't believe she would have found someone else once we finally both got what we wanted. I heard someone say something the other day that I could relate to all too well. That after you lose somebody suddenly, everything changes but you have to keep living life. It's not the life you intended or wanted but you have to go on.