As you read a few days ago, I shaved a few years off of my life and lost a few brain cells by watching a full day of shark-themed programming on Sci-Fi (I refuse to call it Syfy). The reason we all watched this was because E has just started chemo and needed the escape and G had to see Sharknado after seeing how awesomely bad everyone said it was. Oh the things we do for those we love. Although, as you've seen, I am now a Sharknado believer. I now refer to scenes in that movie as if they could ever actually happen in real life, or are even scientifically plausible. And I'm not the only one.
G: I'm walking into Target and this dude says, "Excuse me! May I introduce you the the Lord?"
G: I used your line and said that we've met lol
G: Then he asks, "But are you living for the Lord, young man?"
Me: I hate when the religious folk try to sell you Jesus
G: WORD!
G: I told him hell no. What I'm living for is Sharknado 2
Me: LOL You actually said that?
G: lol Yes. I did thank him for calling me a young man though. That was nice.
G: You know you're living for Sharknado 2!
Me: ...Nooooooooo
Me: Ok, yes.
G: lol Exactly. Another convert to the Gospel of Sharknado
Me: Amen, Brother Hammerhead
G: lol And waves be with you, Brother Tigre
G: Cuz it sounds better in Spanish
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Unlucky '13
Awhile back my modem lost its internet signal. I was on the phone with technical support for an hour, turning the thing off and on, resetting it and even going into the modem through my computer, but all to no avail. The little tech support man surmised that my modem had finally bitten the dust and arranged to send me a new one, but the soonest it could arrive was within two business days. I was trying to figure out what I should do since I was in the midst of working on a project that I needed to use the internet for; should I bite the bullet and shell out to buy a modem? Should I look into a personal hotspot? While I was debating all of this, my internet signal suddenly clicked back on and remained steady for the next few days. I was relieved but had decided to still switch out the modem when the new one came since mine was old as dirt anyway. But once the new one arrived, it was just a refurbished version of the exact same old ass model I already had. I didn't know if it was better to switch out one old modem for an equally old one, or just continue to use the typically reliable one I already had. I opted to keep the one I had and returned the "new" one and Old Faithful continued to work for the next few months without any major issues. Until Sunday night. I was about to go to bed when I noticed the internet signal had dropped. I had been using wifi only a few minutes prior to that so I unplugged the modem and waited to see if that fixed it. No dice. I spent another hour on with the slowest tech support person I have ever spoken to in my life before she decided the modem had seen its last signal. She put in an order for a new, actually NEW, modem but said it wouldn't arrive until Wednesday. As she was talking I tried to figure out what to do until then. The answer was to economize, yo. I figured out how to use my phone as a hotspot (Fonz bless technology) for free. It was flippin' easy to set up and had pretty decent speed, the only thing I had to worry about was staying under my data cap (the one drawback of Verizon is that data be 'spensive). I was obsessive about checking my usage every ten minutes but apparently surfing the web doesn't consume as much data as one would think. I was only online for about a half hour the first day and yesterday spent about six hours online and all of that still only used less than a GB of data. Fortunately, my modem arrived a day early and was easy to get up and running so I'm back in the interwebs saddle. But the internet going out was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to bad stuff the last few days. Of course, I should know better than to expect good stuff given how this year has treated me thus far. A timeline below.
~ Interwebs go out
~ I attempt to repair a friend's busted toilet tank but the innerworkings of it are something I have never seen before (and I've done a lot of plumbing). I end up having to take the entire thing apart, put it back together, and make two trips to the hardware store before finally getting it repaired. A job that should've taken maybe an hour ended up taking four.
~ While repairing the toilet I had been wearing gloves so that I wouldn't get my hand that has a significant and infected cut on it all full of grease. But the glove broke and wouldn't you know it did so right at the spot where the cut is. After washing it off and changing the bandage, it still hurt like a mofo which prompted...
~ A trip to the doctor. The antibiotics I've been on for this cut have not been doing much anyway but getting it all full of grease certainly didn't help. I was also dehydrated enough that I had to have IV fluids (and IV antibiotics) and I got a lecture about not getting enough sleep at night, especially with the anemia and blah blah blah.
~ New modem arrives early. Maybe things are lookin' up!
~ Get a text from the mother saying she thinks the starter in her car is going out. This coming less than two months after the radiator was replaced (grand total of close to $700 which she was only able to get because a friend paid for it), and one month after she and my sister had to bus it to get her car in the parking lot of her job because the key had failed to turn earlier in the day when she'd attempted to leave. We thought the starter had gone out then but it was actually some issue with having been using a copy key instead of the original for all these years. However, now it's taking two tries to get the key to turn at all. I Googled this morning and found that some people have this issue for months or even years before having to fix it, which would likely be another $200 that nobody has. Our hope though is that the thing makes it another two weeks until mom gets paid and then, maybe, we can get it fixed. I've cursed this car up and down this year because everything that has been able to go wrong with it has gone wrong but in reality it's a 16-year-old car that has rarely given her issues until recently. I wish there were any way to get her a newer one.
~ Get a phone call that the brother is in the hospital after having taken a line drive to the noggin. His scans are clear and his condition is stable and he should be out of the hospital by tomorrow evening.
~ Finally get back on the interwebs and start downloading content I need for a new project when...
~ The power goes out. The weirdest power outage ever too. It wasn't just suddenly all dark and everything clicked off. It was more like I could see everything slowly dimming and then fading until it all went dark. The power company said they would try to have it back within three hours, but it ended up being restored in about 30 minutes. I stayed up trying to get some work done after it came back on.
This year has been something. I'm no longer surprised by the negative shit that happens. I don't expect it at all, ever the optimist, but I'm not shocked when it does happen. I just can't wait for 2013 to end in the hopes that 2014 will be much better. At least I hope so.
~ Interwebs go out
~ I attempt to repair a friend's busted toilet tank but the innerworkings of it are something I have never seen before (and I've done a lot of plumbing). I end up having to take the entire thing apart, put it back together, and make two trips to the hardware store before finally getting it repaired. A job that should've taken maybe an hour ended up taking four.
~ While repairing the toilet I had been wearing gloves so that I wouldn't get my hand that has a significant and infected cut on it all full of grease. But the glove broke and wouldn't you know it did so right at the spot where the cut is. After washing it off and changing the bandage, it still hurt like a mofo which prompted...
~ A trip to the doctor. The antibiotics I've been on for this cut have not been doing much anyway but getting it all full of grease certainly didn't help. I was also dehydrated enough that I had to have IV fluids (and IV antibiotics) and I got a lecture about not getting enough sleep at night, especially with the anemia and blah blah blah.
~ New modem arrives early. Maybe things are lookin' up!
~ Get a text from the mother saying she thinks the starter in her car is going out. This coming less than two months after the radiator was replaced (grand total of close to $700 which she was only able to get because a friend paid for it), and one month after she and my sister had to bus it to get her car in the parking lot of her job because the key had failed to turn earlier in the day when she'd attempted to leave. We thought the starter had gone out then but it was actually some issue with having been using a copy key instead of the original for all these years. However, now it's taking two tries to get the key to turn at all. I Googled this morning and found that some people have this issue for months or even years before having to fix it, which would likely be another $200 that nobody has. Our hope though is that the thing makes it another two weeks until mom gets paid and then, maybe, we can get it fixed. I've cursed this car up and down this year because everything that has been able to go wrong with it has gone wrong but in reality it's a 16-year-old car that has rarely given her issues until recently. I wish there were any way to get her a newer one.
~ Get a phone call that the brother is in the hospital after having taken a line drive to the noggin. His scans are clear and his condition is stable and he should be out of the hospital by tomorrow evening.
~ Finally get back on the interwebs and start downloading content I need for a new project when...
~ The power goes out. The weirdest power outage ever too. It wasn't just suddenly all dark and everything clicked off. It was more like I could see everything slowly dimming and then fading until it all went dark. The power company said they would try to have it back within three hours, but it ended up being restored in about 30 minutes. I stayed up trying to get some work done after it came back on.
This year has been something. I'm no longer surprised by the negative shit that happens. I don't expect it at all, ever the optimist, but I'm not shocked when it does happen. I just can't wait for 2013 to end in the hopes that 2014 will be much better. At least I hope so.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Hold Onto Your Butts
My friends, I have had a religious experience. And it's name is "Sharknado". Yes, Sharknado. What is that? It is a tornado that rains down sharks upon the City of Angels. Ian Ziering (of 90210 fame) plays a former pro surfer turned bar owner and failed husband and father who puts heself in charge of saving humanity from the sharkpocalypse. And it...is...GLORIOUS. One of those 'so bad it's good' kinda movies. Completely unrealistic, not at all plausible but somehow the bad and good level off and what you're left with is a Sci-Fi classic (but consider that Sci-Fi will greenlight ANYTHING). I'm late to the Sharknado party, it premiered a few weeks ago and then went viral via Twitter. Today was a Shark movie marathon which included such illustrious films as, "Sharktopus" (awesomely bad), "Supershark" (even worse and borderline porn), and "Two-Headed Shark Attack" (I only watched part of this one but it also could have been borderline porn). I mean, really, how do you go wrong with a day of shark-themed, totally unrealistic programming? You don't. And Sharknado was the cherry on top of the cake. The next time there is a tornado, no matter where I am in the world, I will be on the lookout for sharks. This was not only a religious experience, but a teaching moment. Not surprisingly, Sharknado II is in the works and Sci-Fi is soliciting titles and plot lines for the sequel, which will be set in New York (woo hoo!). The network scrolled some of the best title ideas along the bottom of the screen and they were fantastic. "Panic on the Atlantic", "Revenge of Sharka Khan", suggestions to change it up and do, "Slothcano", "Bearquake" or "Squidnami". Someone suggested that in the sequel the Founding Fathers should have to stop the Sharknado. But my absolute favorite was when someone begged the network to get Samuel L. Jackson to star in the sequel, no matter what the plot turns out to be. Yes. I need this in my life. Sam Jackson is in every cheesy disaster movie there is, he needs to be in this one. SAMUEL L. JACKSON FOR SHARKNADO II!
Friday, July 26, 2013
If Our Love Goes Up In Flames, It's A Fire I Can't Resist
Was there anything hotter than Alicia Silverstone in Aerosmith's videos in the 90's? The correct answer is, "Hell no there wasn't!". I'm not even into blondes but damn if she wasn't the embodiment of the perfect chick back in the day. Granted, she has since lost her mind and become one of those eco-freaks. But back then...hot damn. But I digress. This is about the song...no, really...the SONG, not the hot chick in the video for the song. I'm a bit of a hit and miss Aerosmith fan. I remember this rack of records (yes, records) my mom had when we were kids that was in the hallway. The record on the outside was a red Aerosmith Greatest Hits album and I passed by it a million times a day while running in and out of the house. Then came MTV and the video (which is kinda a part of the song which means the more I talk about it, the more I'm talking about the song). I wasn't a big fan of "Crazy", but this one is awesome. I likes the lyrics, I likes the message and, oh by the way, I likes the video.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Ears Be Ringin' Like A Sombitch
This was the conversation we had about Weiner (yeah, I said it).
Me: You can't trust the judgement of someone who does something wrong for the world to see, gets busted, loses his career and almost his family, then turns right around and does it AGAIN and doesn't even give a damn that he got caught.
A: Yep. He has no impulse control
R: No politician does dude lol
G: I don't trust any politicians yo
Me: Here's the question - would you vote for him if you agreed with his policies?
A: Hellllllll NO!
E: Nah. A year after he's elected, he'd been Tweeting his Carlos to some new chick and we'll do this all over again
G: LOL His Carlos
G: Nah, I wouldn't. If you cheat on your wife, you will cheat on 'murricah!
Me: LOL 'murricah'
Y: LOL Oh, whatever. Some people are great with business decisions and terrible with making decisions in their personal lives.
*I suddenly feel everyone's eyes upon me*
Me: ...
Me: True dat lol
G: LMAO I felt the Earth stop for a moment while we all wondered to ourselves if the boy got it
A: LOL!
Me: You can't trust the judgement of someone who does something wrong for the world to see, gets busted, loses his career and almost his family, then turns right around and does it AGAIN and doesn't even give a damn that he got caught.
A: Yep. He has no impulse control
R: No politician does dude lol
G: I don't trust any politicians yo
Me: Here's the question - would you vote for him if you agreed with his policies?
A: Hellllllll NO!
E: Nah. A year after he's elected, he'd been Tweeting his Carlos to some new chick and we'll do this all over again
G: LOL His Carlos
G: Nah, I wouldn't. If you cheat on your wife, you will cheat on 'murricah!
Me: LOL 'murricah'
Y: LOL Oh, whatever. Some people are great with business decisions and terrible with making decisions in their personal lives.
*I suddenly feel everyone's eyes upon me*
Me: ...
Me: True dat lol
G: LMAO I felt the Earth stop for a moment while we all wondered to ourselves if the boy got it
A: LOL!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Weiner-Gate, The Sequel
Oh Anthony Weiner. Why must you continue to give the world more reasons to turn their attention towards you. Oh, right cuz you're an attention whore. And on a grand scale, might I add. With a last name like "Weiner", it's not like the kid ever had a chance to begin with, but the way he keeps finding his way into the spotlight is really quite amazing. As you'll recall, he got caught sexting random women in 2011 and had to resign from Congress. He entered "rehab" and his wife agreed not to leave him and take half. In hindsight, she made the wrong decision. During his exile they had a son and supposedly worked on their marriage. He announced his political comeback earlier this year and decided to run for Mayor of New York. He was doing quite well in that bid until yesterday when he held a press conference to confess to the same bad behavior that had gotten him into trouble previously. But this time there was a twist - he had his wife step up to the podium to defend him and try to salvage his campaign. Did it work? I guess we'll see come November. But I may just have to move if my fellow New Yorkers turn out to be stupid enough to vote for somebody who has the judgement and impulse control of a third grader. This man sexted random women, got caught, went into some kind of treatment and said throughout his campaign this year that everything that happened was "behind" him, knowing full well that he was STILL doing the same crap. He had to have known it would all come out again. Lightning does indeed strike twice when the person being struck is worthy of it. I know a lot of people who are trying to separate this from his run for Mayor but it is not a separate issue at all. How is it that he was unfit to be a Congressman the first time this happened but now he IS still fit to be the Mayor of a city? What is there to suggest that he is capable of making good decisions? Not a thing. Granted, some people make terrible decisions in their personal lives and fantastic ones professionally (myself included). But do you really wanna bank on him being one of those for the next four years? Reportedly he offered this latest sexting partner a position in his cabinet. If that's the case then he has no credibility at all left. What happens between him and his wife is their business, the only people who know the intimate details of a relationship are the people who are in it. For all we know, she could've known all along about this or they could have an open relationship, or she could be getting something in return for standing by him. We'll ever know any of that and all of that is for them to work out amongst themselves. I'm not as, "his poor wife" as everyone else is because SHE is the one making the choice to stick around. For me, once trust is gone or someone has cheated, that's pretty much it. I don't care how much they repent. But she made her bed. She chose to march on up to the podium and defend him (again). And New Yorkers will choose whether or not to buy that this was only a two-time thing that won't happen yet again if he's elected. Choose wisely, y'all.
On another note, a website has come up with a "sex scandal name" generator. And it is fantastic. Or else my name isn't Julio Cesar Jeopardy (I don't know where it got the Jeopardy part, maybe it doesn't know what to do with Latin surnames). Here are some more:
G is Jorge Stealth (Awesome)
The best friend is Pascual Violence (Appropriate given her violent streak)
R is Ricardo Scourge (Sounds very Telenovela)
E is Alberto Dynamite (Or Alby D, as we now call him)
And A is Gustavo Trouble (Apparently she's a man in her sex scandal)
On another note, a website has come up with a "sex scandal name" generator. And it is fantastic. Or else my name isn't Julio Cesar Jeopardy (I don't know where it got the Jeopardy part, maybe it doesn't know what to do with Latin surnames). Here are some more:
G is Jorge Stealth (Awesome)
The best friend is Pascual Violence (Appropriate given her violent streak)
R is Ricardo Scourge (Sounds very Telenovela)
E is Alberto Dynamite (Or Alby D, as we now call him)
And A is Gustavo Trouble (Apparently she's a man in her sex scandal)
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Not So Little You And I Anymore
Me: Soooo...The social worker who came to see us this morning was [ex-girlfriend's] mother.
G: LOL So they took Miss N away from you then?
A: And dubbed you an unfit manwhore?! lol
Well, things have taken some unexpected turns on the custody front, to say the least. Let's make a very long, nasty story shorter by getting to the point. I now have sole temporary custody of Miss N for the next month. At that time, things will be reassessed and the court will decide whether to make the sole custody permanent, as well as what, if any, type of child support her mom will have to pay (but I'm not holding my breath on that one). As you all well know, I don't deal with change well. Big change, little change, it all rattles me. So you can imagine how I'm coping with something as monumental as this. I mean, it's not like I haven't been a father for years now but it's almost as if I'm seeing everything through brand new eyes. When you co-parent, there's always someone else there to double check your work and bounce big decisions off of, sometimes for the better and sometimes not. In a way, it was a comfort to have that. But now that tie has been severed. And that sucks. But what I'm more concerned about is how Miss N is going to cope with all of this, especially with not seeing her mom much, if at all. From what I hear, she wasn't exactly happy most of the time with her mom these past few months and she has yet to ask about her in the week since everything changed. But I know she will eventually and I have no idea what to say about it. Maybe I'll find the words when the time comes.
Something occurred to me in the midst of all this that I hadn't thought of before. I'm raising a kid. Yes, that is new information for me. Because up to this point I had been raising a baby, then a toddler. But ages 5-9...that's a child. Who will become a tween. And then a teenager (*shudder*). Before becoming a young adult who tells me everything I did wrong in raising her. And finally becoming an adult adult who is in therapy because of everything I did wrong in raising her. I can already see the shrink bills y'all. And while it's easy to freak out about all of that, I felt some sort of calm rush over me. Because methinks I got this. I've had a hand in raising all kinds of kids at all kinds of ages and it's one of the rare things I am truly great at. I never thought that would be the case since I have zero patience, but it has. My niece is 14 and I'm basically a third (much cooler) parent to her. My nephew is 10 and his mother and I essentially raised him for eight of those years while my brother was off doing this and that. And he's good kid. Then of course there's my other niece who is now in her twenties but spent the latter years of her teens with me. All of these kids are amazing in their own ways. Did I make them amazing? Of course not. But I didn't screw them up too badly. I've raised kids and I've loved it and Miss N will hopefully turn out to be a smart wonderful individual who still thinks I'm nifty in fifteen years time. We've come a long way and will no doubt continue to grow as time marches on. I need to stay out of my head and just trust that even though I don't always know what I'm doing, I'm still going to do it to the best of my ability and hope it's the right thing. Raising kids is all about that wing and a prayer business anyway. At the end of the day, I adore this little lady and want nothing but the best for her. We do the best with what we are given. And, as my mom likes to say, children learn what they live. So my goal is to live the way I would want Miss N to someday. And so a new adventure begins...
G: LOL So they took Miss N away from you then?
A: And dubbed you an unfit manwhore?! lol
Well, things have taken some unexpected turns on the custody front, to say the least. Let's make a very long, nasty story shorter by getting to the point. I now have sole temporary custody of Miss N for the next month. At that time, things will be reassessed and the court will decide whether to make the sole custody permanent, as well as what, if any, type of child support her mom will have to pay (but I'm not holding my breath on that one). As you all well know, I don't deal with change well. Big change, little change, it all rattles me. So you can imagine how I'm coping with something as monumental as this. I mean, it's not like I haven't been a father for years now but it's almost as if I'm seeing everything through brand new eyes. When you co-parent, there's always someone else there to double check your work and bounce big decisions off of, sometimes for the better and sometimes not. In a way, it was a comfort to have that. But now that tie has been severed. And that sucks. But what I'm more concerned about is how Miss N is going to cope with all of this, especially with not seeing her mom much, if at all. From what I hear, she wasn't exactly happy most of the time with her mom these past few months and she has yet to ask about her in the week since everything changed. But I know she will eventually and I have no idea what to say about it. Maybe I'll find the words when the time comes.
Something occurred to me in the midst of all this that I hadn't thought of before. I'm raising a kid. Yes, that is new information for me. Because up to this point I had been raising a baby, then a toddler. But ages 5-9...that's a child. Who will become a tween. And then a teenager (*shudder*). Before becoming a young adult who tells me everything I did wrong in raising her. And finally becoming an adult adult who is in therapy because of everything I did wrong in raising her. I can already see the shrink bills y'all. And while it's easy to freak out about all of that, I felt some sort of calm rush over me. Because methinks I got this. I've had a hand in raising all kinds of kids at all kinds of ages and it's one of the rare things I am truly great at. I never thought that would be the case since I have zero patience, but it has. My niece is 14 and I'm basically a third (much cooler) parent to her. My nephew is 10 and his mother and I essentially raised him for eight of those years while my brother was off doing this and that. And he's good kid. Then of course there's my other niece who is now in her twenties but spent the latter years of her teens with me. All of these kids are amazing in their own ways. Did I make them amazing? Of course not. But I didn't screw them up too badly. I've raised kids and I've loved it and Miss N will hopefully turn out to be a smart wonderful individual who still thinks I'm nifty in fifteen years time. We've come a long way and will no doubt continue to grow as time marches on. I need to stay out of my head and just trust that even though I don't always know what I'm doing, I'm still going to do it to the best of my ability and hope it's the right thing. Raising kids is all about that wing and a prayer business anyway. At the end of the day, I adore this little lady and want nothing but the best for her. We do the best with what we are given. And, as my mom likes to say, children learn what they live. So my goal is to live the way I would want Miss N to someday. And so a new adventure begins...
Monday, July 22, 2013
Let Me Be Your (Super) Hero Baby
Friend: lol My phone scared me! Out of nowhere my Pandora came on and I had the Superman theme blaring out of my purse
Me: LOL
Friend: Of course I stood there for a second and milked the moment
Me: Look in that 7-11 aisle! It's a bum! It's a plant! NO! It's SUPER WEIRDO!!
Friend: LMAO!
Friend: You hilarious short man, you
Me: lol Fuck you super bum
Friend: LOL
Friend: WORTH
Friend: IT
Me: lol Fo sho
Friend: Helloooo New status update
Me: Hellooooo new blog
Me: LOL
Friend: Of course I stood there for a second and milked the moment
Me: Look in that 7-11 aisle! It's a bum! It's a plant! NO! It's SUPER WEIRDO!!
Friend: LMAO!
Friend: You hilarious short man, you
Me: lol Fuck you super bum
Friend: LOL
Friend: WORTH
Friend: IT
Me: lol Fo sho
Friend: Helloooo New status update
Me: Hellooooo new blog
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Majority Rules
Y: Was he cute? lol
A: Sweetie he wasn't your type
R: Yeah, he was able to legally drink
Y: lol Fuck you
R: LOL
Y: I don't even have a type
Me: ...
A: That's so cute that you think that hun
R: HA!
E: Um...okay...
G: Fine, I'll say it
G: Latin. Your type is Latin.
Y: It is not! I don't have a type. I'm open to all races and ethnicities
G: lol No. No you're not
G: Giuseppe, now that's a man who has had more colors than are in the Parade of Nations in and out of his bedroom. But not you
Me: LOL. That wasn't a compliment...but I shall take it as one
A: LOL Of course you do, whore
Y: <---does not have a type.
R: If you don't have a type then how come all five of your besties are Latin?
G: Yes, why is that? *leans in like Geraldo as he awaits the sure to be BS answer*
Me: LOL Preach!
A: OMG...I just thought of something...Y is our token white girl!
E: LOL
G: LMAO Now who's the minority!
Y: LMAO Oh my god I hadn't thought of that but you're right!
Me: Well, I don't know about ya'll, but I feel uncomfortable discussing racial issues now that there's a white girl here
G: LOL OMG I have soooooooo many questions to ask you about white people!
E: *Wanders through with popcorn while staring like it's a zoo*
G: LOL OMG I have soooooooo many questions to ask you about white people!
E: *Wanders through with popcorn while staring like it's a zoo*
Y: LOL Fuck you all!
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Who's Your Step-Daddy
Me: Aren't there other people who can give her that info?
Her: Yeah there are plenty of people, but she doesn't bother to call the main one which is my mom
Me: I'd call your mom all the time just to hear her yell
Her: Yeah, so would I
Me: lol You don't have your mom's number?
Her: Are you asking me for mother's number?
Her: you old flirt
Her: I refuse to call you dad!
Me: LOL
Her: Yeah there are plenty of people, but she doesn't bother to call the main one which is my mom
Me: I'd call your mom all the time just to hear her yell
Her: Yeah, so would I
Me: lol You don't have your mom's number?
Her: Are you asking me for mother's number?
Her: you old flirt
Her: I refuse to call you dad!
Me: LOL
Friday, July 19, 2013
That's Me In The Corner, That's Me In The Spotlight
Oh, the 90's. I have been unabashed about my love for thee. I still maintain no decade has had the same amount of diversity and just all around good music as the 90's. The Alternative was good, the Dance was good, the R&B was good, the Hip Hop was good, it was all good. After Cory Monteith's death last weekend, a lot of people put up tributes on YouTube showcasing his best "Glee" moments. I hadn't heard several of his performances from later seasons since I stopped watching in Season 2, but clicked on one of these tributes that was in the comments section of an article about his passing. It had something like twenty of his greatest songs performed on the show and most were pretty good. I've found that I either love or hate "Glee's" covers. Most of the first season was great, every season since has been hit or miss. Their cover of Amy Winehouse's "Valerie"? Awesome. Most of their Whitney Houston or MJ covers from special episodes? I could do without (although a few were good). I love covers when they're done right but I can't stand it when a song I consider a classic is butchered. I'm not sure what season it was in, but the show covered REM's "Losing My Religion" with Monteith on leads. I heard it for the first time this week and it's sent me on an Alternative 90's trip. This has always been one of my favorite songs. Some tracks just have that "oooooh, turn it up!" feel about them and the opening notes of this one make me feel that way.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
A Dream Deferred
So one of the Zimmerman jurors (who signed a book deal five minutes after the trial ended, although the publishing company has since dropped her) is making the media rounds. Having seen her interview, I have some comments/questions:
1) This particular juror says she feels equally sorry for both Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman. Interesting, since one is dead and one is alive and kicking. Trayvon's only crime was going to a gas station to get a snack. The jurors, at least according to this one, seemed oddly sympathetic towards Zimmerman. I think even more sympathetic than they were towards Trayvon who, by the way, is dead. This juror would later go on to say that she felt closer to Zimmerman because they "heard a lot about him" during the trial, and didn't hear as much about Trayvon (which is another prosecution miscue). Still, Zimmerman was the recipient of a few paper cuts. One person consciously pulled a trigger and took the life of another human being. If it were a true case of self-defense, as in someone broke in or charged you and your only option was to shoot them, then maybe there is sympathy to be had. But not in something this ambiguous. The deceased was not a thug or or "drug runner" as those close to Zimmerman have said. He was a 17-year-old kid who had never physically harmed anybody in his life, yet died a violent, and unnecessary death. Sympathies should be with Trayvon Martin and his family, not the man who caused the the circumstances that resulted in his death.
2) The juror says that everyone in that deliberation room believed Zimmerman's heart "was in the right place" and that he did not intend to shoot anyone. I don't believe he got out of his car intending to shoot somebody at all. But I also don't believe all of his actions are those of a man who was just being a good samaritan for his community. If your heart is in the right place and you think you see someone suspicious, then you call 911 and you await the arrival of the cops. Zimmerman called 911 and was told by the dispatcher to keep his ass in his car and wait for the police. I saw a dog locked in a car on a 100 degree day with the windows rolled up in a parking lot a few years back and I called animal control and waited for them to show up. I did not bust the windows out the car and rescue the dog. Why? Because I knew the latter would do even more harm than good. Animal control took less than ten minutes to arrive, the dog was taken and all was good. If Zimmerman were truly just a concerned citizen, he would have sat in his car and waited. The police arrived rather quickly but unfortunately, not soon enough for Trayvon Martin.
3) This juror conceded that Zimmerman "shouldn't have gotten out of the car", but excused this by saying the 911 operator "egged him on" because she asked him if he could see where this "suspicious" person was going. Are. You. Serious?? If you've ever been on the phone with 911, then you know they ask you a billion different questions in order to keep you on the phone and keep the situation from escalating. The fact that the operator said, "CAN you see where he went" tells us that she meant just that - if you can see where he went, tell me and if not, that's fine. Common fucking sense is all it takes to understand the question. This juror seems to want to blame everyone but the man who actually pulled the trigger. Trayvon was at fault, the 911 operator was at fault. But not Zimmerman. He was the true victim here, not the dead kid. That's just disgusting. Zimmerman got out of that car and trekked across to Trayvon because he thought he was more powerful and important that he actually is. He wanted to be a cop and once he was granted power of the neighborhood watch, he felt any actions he took would be justified. I believe he completely bought into all of this and that is why he pursued. If he has no gun, if he has no presumed "authority", he does not leave his vehicle, period.
4) Direct quote from juror - "Trayvon Martin played a huge role in his own death". Bull. Shit. While on the phone with his girlfriend Trayvon Martin was approached by George Zimmerman who asked, "What are you doing here?". Trayvon responded by saying, "Why are you following me?". Both valid questions. But the juror's belief that Trayvon "could have just run away" when Zimmerman confronted him and then no one would have been harmed in any way is ludicrous. (And btw, if we go by that logic then the same could be said about Zimmerman staying in his car.) Do you honestly believe that Zimmerman, a wanna be cop who had a weapon and considered himself 'the law' in that neighborhood, would have just let Trayvon walk away? You're awfully naive if you do. I think it is more likely that Zimmerman would have continued to pursue him and demand an answer to his question, maybe even attempt a citizen's arrest. And then what happens? A scuffle and quite possibly a gunshot. Trayvon had every right to ask why this man who did not identify himself was following him, as much as Zimmerman had the right to ask this person he did not recognize what he was doing there. The real question is why Zimmerman felt the need to ask at all. I know a lot of white folks who do not understand why minorities get so sensitive about such questions but once you've been profiled yourself based on race, you get it. Did he ask this kid why he was there because he wore a hoodie? Did he ask him why he was there because it was raining? Or, as most believe, did he ask him because he was an African-American in a hoodie on a rainy night whom Zimmerman assumed was up to no good? Only Zimmerman himself knows for sure. And maybe he's convinced himself it wasn't racially motivated, we'll never know. But to say that if Trayvon had just answered the question, he would still be alive doesn't work for me. How many of us are going to identify ourselves to someone who just came up to us off the street and asked us without reason or provocation? And especially a teenager. Teenagers don't want to tell their own parents what they're up to, nevermind a stranger. 99% of us would have done the same thing he did and ask why this person was following us.
5) The juror said she believed Trayvon Martin threw the first punch and charged George Zimmerman, and also that he slammed Zimmerman's head into the ground. There is absolutely no evidence of any of this. By all accounts, Trayvon was not a violent person and had no reason to suddenly attack someone he didn't even know. He was also considerably smaller in stature compared with Zimmerman. If he did throw a punch that cause Zimmerman's nose to bleed, then why where there no marks on Trayvon's hands? If you hit somebody, it leaves a mark on both of you. If Trayvon "slammed" Zimmerman's head into the ground repeatedly, then why weren't his injuries worse? Why didn't he have a concussion or skull fracture or worse contusions to the back of his head? Zimmerman was bald at the time of the shooting so he had nothing to protect him from being smashed into the ground repeatedly. He would have felt every one of those blows. Yet he only had two small cuts on his head that didn't even require stitches. Also, Trayvon's body was found on the grass and not on the sidewalk. Interesting since Zimmerman put forth this story of the cement being Trayvon's alleged weapon. If he was on top of Zimmerman throwing punches, then he wasn't very good at it since the only injury to his face was the bloody nose, and since Zimmerman ended up being able to break his arms free and pull a gun. Much of what happened in this scuffle doesn't make sense. Of course, we only have Zimmerman's side and not Trayvon's (or the truth).
6) The juror claimed that Trayvon's girlfriend, who was on the phone with him when Zimmerman approached, was not a good witness for the prosecution. Why? Because the jury "couldn't understand" her testimony. I've never understood why this poor girl was raked over the coals by blogs and trolls on the internet, and I am beyond sure that none of it would have happened if she'd been white. People attacked her for being uneducated and not credible, but I thought she came across as real. She did not want to be there and admitted as much, but she wanted justice for her friend. She could have buckled under the pressure of such a high-profile case and twisted the events of that night to portray Trayvon in a martyr kind of light, but she did not. She stuck to the truth, even when it did not flatter him. Was she combative with the defense? Hell yeah. But the defense was terrible in terms of cross-examination. They often cut off witnesses in mid-sentence and attempted to force them to testify to one tiny chunk of what they told officers, instead of the entirety of their statements. Most of us would have been combative with them, nobody likes to be misquoted. They also badgered her until she admitted she could not read cursive, something they had no reason to do other than to make the jury think that all of her testimony should be disregarded because she was less educated than most. True, this young lady is not the most educated person in the world but, as the defense and Zimmerman's family continue to show, all of the education in the world cannot buy class.
7) This juror says they couldn't understand some of what Trayvon's girlfriend said because of the way she spoke. But Zimmerman's mother and uncle both testified for him and both have very heavy Spanish accents. I grew up around Spanish accents and even I had issues understanding these two at times. But all six jurors, all white except for one, had no trouble at all hearing what they said, and believing every word? That seems sketchy to me.
8) According to this juror, race played no part in the death or Trayvon Martin or the verdict. They believe that Zimmerman would have stopped and followed anyone he deemed suspicious, regardless of color. Maybe. But there are problems with that assumption. For one thing, how many of us know every single person that ever enters or exits our neighborhood? The answer is nobody, not even a neighborhood watchman. People have parties and wakes out of town visitors they haven't seen in ages, and children have friends over and people date new people. I guarantee you that dozens of people George Zimmerman did not know came in and out of that development while he was driving to go run errands and, as far as we know, not a one of them was stopped. I guess none of them looked "suspicious" enough. Another reason I do not buy this "no race involved" comment from a juror is what she said about the exchange Trayvon and his girlfriend had on the phone that night. The girlfriend said that once Trayvon realized he was being followed, he told her that some "creepy ass cracker" was hounding him. Some people take this to be a racially insensitive comment, some don't. When the juror was asked if she believed it was said in hate or meant as a racially charged comment, she said she did not and that her belief was that's "how those people talk". The only way her response does not have racial undertones is if she's not from this planet and is referring to humans. Otherwise, what she's saying is that she believes "cracker" is a perfectly acceptable form of speech amongst "those" African-American people. That's a comment driven by racial assumptions, something she said has no part in the case at all. Hypocritical, methinks.
9) The tape. There were no less than 15 witnesses testifying about this damn tape, most of them in Zimmerman's defense. There are actually two tapes; one of Zimmerman on with the 911 operator and one of a neighbor on with 911 after the scuffle breaks out. In the former, you hear Zimmerman being instructed to stay put and in the latter you hear muffled screams of, "Help!" in the distance. The neighbor seems genuinely concerned about what might be going on and says as much to the operator. The question brought up at trial, and in the immediate aftermath of the shooting, is whose anguished scream it is. The fight is going on so far in the distance that you can't make out who is calling for help, but both sides thought they had it figured out. The prosecution said it was Trayvon, without question, calling out for help because Zimmerman is attacking him. The defense claimed it was Zimmerman who was crying for assistance as his head was being slammed into the pavement. Honestly, I still can't tell. But I didn't know either party and have never heard either cry out in that tone of voice. But a parade of witnesses each told the jury that they believed it was whoever they felt to be the victim. Zimmerman's parents and uncle and a neighbor claimed it was him, though all said they'd never heard him cry out in that tone before. Trayvon's mom and brother said it was their loved one, but also had to concede they hadn't heard him in that tone. I felt like the voice witnesses sort of canceled each other out. What the prosecution did not allude to, and REALLY should have, was this: if that is in fact Zimmerman's voice crying for help, then why do all cries and sounds cease immediately after the gunshot? And also, why are you still screaming for help if you're holding a gun to the chest of your attacker? If it were Zimmerman screaming then one would think it's mighty coincidental for him to stop mid-scream after firing his weapon. But if you're the one screaming and are then shot dead, your scream would be silence immediately. I'm not sure why the prosecution did not mention this fact once during the trial. Apparently five out of the six jurors believed it was Zimmerman's voice on the tape.
10) The Stand Your Ground law. Twenty-one states have this law and it is one that desperately needs to be repealed. It basically allows for you to kill anybody on your property for any reason, as long as you claim self-defense when the cops show up. It was not a huge part of this case because Zimmerman's attorneys chose to abandon that as a defense before trial (they'd previously used the law as his defense in the media). I'm not sure what the reason was behind the change in strategy but it could have something to do with the fact that Trayvon Martin was not on George Zimmerman's property. He was in his neighborhood, but not on property that Zimmerman owned himself. Even though this was not his defense, the jury still heard about the law via an interview the accused did with a national news station a year ago. It seems to have resonated with this particular juror as she said in her interview that Zimmerman had the right to defend himself, even if HE initiated the fight. Under the Stand Your Ground law, you're apparently allowed to start something and then finish it however you see fit. Who's going to know anyway? The only other person involved is dead.
11) The night of the verdict (or a few nights later, I don't remember) I logged on to Facebook and saw a friend had posted pictures of a pro-Trayvon march taking place in California. I was struck by a few of the comments left on the status update. One comment mentioned that it would be nice if people cared as much about important things. Because the unnecessary death of a kid isn't important I guess. Another said something along the lines of people having nothing better to do but protest and using any excuse to do so in the misguided belief that it will bring justice. On one hand, I understand where that comes from, but on the other hand it's not like people are taking to the streets for the hell of it. This is a case that has moved a lot of people and has become about civil rights, something that is important to several different races, not just those involved in this case. Another status comment said, "I think all of these people are just looking for a reason to riot and lash out at white people". Right. Because we minority folk didn't have any reason to be upset at you white folks until THIS verdict. And now that it's been handed down, we're all a bunch of rabid, white-hating dogs. Yep, that must be it. Somebody commenting on another friend's status expressed surprise that she was on the Trayvon side of the fence since she's Latino (as is Zimmerman), as if we're all supposed to side with the person who shares the same culture we do. It was just a dumb thing to say. What all of these comments miss is the plot. These protests are not people looking for an excuse to riot. In fact, 99% of them have been peaceful protests by people who want more than justice for one murdered boy. They want things overall to change. If this case had been about a black man shooting a white boy, or a white person shooting another white person, or black on black crime, then there would be no protests or calls for equality. The case probably wouldn't have even made the news if any of those other scenarios had taken place. It is because people feel a minority was profiled and murdered and his killer set free that they are so passionately calling for change. As for what someone said about the protesting not bringing about any kind of justice, that may turn out to be true. Things could go the way of every other controversial court decision and the hoopla dies down and it fades from the media and everything remains the same. That's probably the way it will go. But there's also a chance it does prompt a dialogue and maybe even some changes. After all, what brings about change? Action. Isn't it crazy that as we approach the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech, much of what envisioned still has not yet come to pass.
1) This particular juror says she feels equally sorry for both Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman. Interesting, since one is dead and one is alive and kicking. Trayvon's only crime was going to a gas station to get a snack. The jurors, at least according to this one, seemed oddly sympathetic towards Zimmerman. I think even more sympathetic than they were towards Trayvon who, by the way, is dead. This juror would later go on to say that she felt closer to Zimmerman because they "heard a lot about him" during the trial, and didn't hear as much about Trayvon (which is another prosecution miscue). Still, Zimmerman was the recipient of a few paper cuts. One person consciously pulled a trigger and took the life of another human being. If it were a true case of self-defense, as in someone broke in or charged you and your only option was to shoot them, then maybe there is sympathy to be had. But not in something this ambiguous. The deceased was not a thug or or "drug runner" as those close to Zimmerman have said. He was a 17-year-old kid who had never physically harmed anybody in his life, yet died a violent, and unnecessary death. Sympathies should be with Trayvon Martin and his family, not the man who caused the the circumstances that resulted in his death.
2) The juror says that everyone in that deliberation room believed Zimmerman's heart "was in the right place" and that he did not intend to shoot anyone. I don't believe he got out of his car intending to shoot somebody at all. But I also don't believe all of his actions are those of a man who was just being a good samaritan for his community. If your heart is in the right place and you think you see someone suspicious, then you call 911 and you await the arrival of the cops. Zimmerman called 911 and was told by the dispatcher to keep his ass in his car and wait for the police. I saw a dog locked in a car on a 100 degree day with the windows rolled up in a parking lot a few years back and I called animal control and waited for them to show up. I did not bust the windows out the car and rescue the dog. Why? Because I knew the latter would do even more harm than good. Animal control took less than ten minutes to arrive, the dog was taken and all was good. If Zimmerman were truly just a concerned citizen, he would have sat in his car and waited. The police arrived rather quickly but unfortunately, not soon enough for Trayvon Martin.
3) This juror conceded that Zimmerman "shouldn't have gotten out of the car", but excused this by saying the 911 operator "egged him on" because she asked him if he could see where this "suspicious" person was going. Are. You. Serious?? If you've ever been on the phone with 911, then you know they ask you a billion different questions in order to keep you on the phone and keep the situation from escalating. The fact that the operator said, "CAN you see where he went" tells us that she meant just that - if you can see where he went, tell me and if not, that's fine. Common fucking sense is all it takes to understand the question. This juror seems to want to blame everyone but the man who actually pulled the trigger. Trayvon was at fault, the 911 operator was at fault. But not Zimmerman. He was the true victim here, not the dead kid. That's just disgusting. Zimmerman got out of that car and trekked across to Trayvon because he thought he was more powerful and important that he actually is. He wanted to be a cop and once he was granted power of the neighborhood watch, he felt any actions he took would be justified. I believe he completely bought into all of this and that is why he pursued. If he has no gun, if he has no presumed "authority", he does not leave his vehicle, period.
4) Direct quote from juror - "Trayvon Martin played a huge role in his own death". Bull. Shit. While on the phone with his girlfriend Trayvon Martin was approached by George Zimmerman who asked, "What are you doing here?". Trayvon responded by saying, "Why are you following me?". Both valid questions. But the juror's belief that Trayvon "could have just run away" when Zimmerman confronted him and then no one would have been harmed in any way is ludicrous. (And btw, if we go by that logic then the same could be said about Zimmerman staying in his car.) Do you honestly believe that Zimmerman, a wanna be cop who had a weapon and considered himself 'the law' in that neighborhood, would have just let Trayvon walk away? You're awfully naive if you do. I think it is more likely that Zimmerman would have continued to pursue him and demand an answer to his question, maybe even attempt a citizen's arrest. And then what happens? A scuffle and quite possibly a gunshot. Trayvon had every right to ask why this man who did not identify himself was following him, as much as Zimmerman had the right to ask this person he did not recognize what he was doing there. The real question is why Zimmerman felt the need to ask at all. I know a lot of white folks who do not understand why minorities get so sensitive about such questions but once you've been profiled yourself based on race, you get it. Did he ask this kid why he was there because he wore a hoodie? Did he ask him why he was there because it was raining? Or, as most believe, did he ask him because he was an African-American in a hoodie on a rainy night whom Zimmerman assumed was up to no good? Only Zimmerman himself knows for sure. And maybe he's convinced himself it wasn't racially motivated, we'll never know. But to say that if Trayvon had just answered the question, he would still be alive doesn't work for me. How many of us are going to identify ourselves to someone who just came up to us off the street and asked us without reason or provocation? And especially a teenager. Teenagers don't want to tell their own parents what they're up to, nevermind a stranger. 99% of us would have done the same thing he did and ask why this person was following us.
5) The juror said she believed Trayvon Martin threw the first punch and charged George Zimmerman, and also that he slammed Zimmerman's head into the ground. There is absolutely no evidence of any of this. By all accounts, Trayvon was not a violent person and had no reason to suddenly attack someone he didn't even know. He was also considerably smaller in stature compared with Zimmerman. If he did throw a punch that cause Zimmerman's nose to bleed, then why where there no marks on Trayvon's hands? If you hit somebody, it leaves a mark on both of you. If Trayvon "slammed" Zimmerman's head into the ground repeatedly, then why weren't his injuries worse? Why didn't he have a concussion or skull fracture or worse contusions to the back of his head? Zimmerman was bald at the time of the shooting so he had nothing to protect him from being smashed into the ground repeatedly. He would have felt every one of those blows. Yet he only had two small cuts on his head that didn't even require stitches. Also, Trayvon's body was found on the grass and not on the sidewalk. Interesting since Zimmerman put forth this story of the cement being Trayvon's alleged weapon. If he was on top of Zimmerman throwing punches, then he wasn't very good at it since the only injury to his face was the bloody nose, and since Zimmerman ended up being able to break his arms free and pull a gun. Much of what happened in this scuffle doesn't make sense. Of course, we only have Zimmerman's side and not Trayvon's (or the truth).
6) The juror claimed that Trayvon's girlfriend, who was on the phone with him when Zimmerman approached, was not a good witness for the prosecution. Why? Because the jury "couldn't understand" her testimony. I've never understood why this poor girl was raked over the coals by blogs and trolls on the internet, and I am beyond sure that none of it would have happened if she'd been white. People attacked her for being uneducated and not credible, but I thought she came across as real. She did not want to be there and admitted as much, but she wanted justice for her friend. She could have buckled under the pressure of such a high-profile case and twisted the events of that night to portray Trayvon in a martyr kind of light, but she did not. She stuck to the truth, even when it did not flatter him. Was she combative with the defense? Hell yeah. But the defense was terrible in terms of cross-examination. They often cut off witnesses in mid-sentence and attempted to force them to testify to one tiny chunk of what they told officers, instead of the entirety of their statements. Most of us would have been combative with them, nobody likes to be misquoted. They also badgered her until she admitted she could not read cursive, something they had no reason to do other than to make the jury think that all of her testimony should be disregarded because she was less educated than most. True, this young lady is not the most educated person in the world but, as the defense and Zimmerman's family continue to show, all of the education in the world cannot buy class.
7) This juror says they couldn't understand some of what Trayvon's girlfriend said because of the way she spoke. But Zimmerman's mother and uncle both testified for him and both have very heavy Spanish accents. I grew up around Spanish accents and even I had issues understanding these two at times. But all six jurors, all white except for one, had no trouble at all hearing what they said, and believing every word? That seems sketchy to me.
8) According to this juror, race played no part in the death or Trayvon Martin or the verdict. They believe that Zimmerman would have stopped and followed anyone he deemed suspicious, regardless of color. Maybe. But there are problems with that assumption. For one thing, how many of us know every single person that ever enters or exits our neighborhood? The answer is nobody, not even a neighborhood watchman. People have parties and wakes out of town visitors they haven't seen in ages, and children have friends over and people date new people. I guarantee you that dozens of people George Zimmerman did not know came in and out of that development while he was driving to go run errands and, as far as we know, not a one of them was stopped. I guess none of them looked "suspicious" enough. Another reason I do not buy this "no race involved" comment from a juror is what she said about the exchange Trayvon and his girlfriend had on the phone that night. The girlfriend said that once Trayvon realized he was being followed, he told her that some "creepy ass cracker" was hounding him. Some people take this to be a racially insensitive comment, some don't. When the juror was asked if she believed it was said in hate or meant as a racially charged comment, she said she did not and that her belief was that's "how those people talk". The only way her response does not have racial undertones is if she's not from this planet and is referring to humans. Otherwise, what she's saying is that she believes "cracker" is a perfectly acceptable form of speech amongst "those" African-American people. That's a comment driven by racial assumptions, something she said has no part in the case at all. Hypocritical, methinks.
9) The tape. There were no less than 15 witnesses testifying about this damn tape, most of them in Zimmerman's defense. There are actually two tapes; one of Zimmerman on with the 911 operator and one of a neighbor on with 911 after the scuffle breaks out. In the former, you hear Zimmerman being instructed to stay put and in the latter you hear muffled screams of, "Help!" in the distance. The neighbor seems genuinely concerned about what might be going on and says as much to the operator. The question brought up at trial, and in the immediate aftermath of the shooting, is whose anguished scream it is. The fight is going on so far in the distance that you can't make out who is calling for help, but both sides thought they had it figured out. The prosecution said it was Trayvon, without question, calling out for help because Zimmerman is attacking him. The defense claimed it was Zimmerman who was crying for assistance as his head was being slammed into the pavement. Honestly, I still can't tell. But I didn't know either party and have never heard either cry out in that tone of voice. But a parade of witnesses each told the jury that they believed it was whoever they felt to be the victim. Zimmerman's parents and uncle and a neighbor claimed it was him, though all said they'd never heard him cry out in that tone before. Trayvon's mom and brother said it was their loved one, but also had to concede they hadn't heard him in that tone. I felt like the voice witnesses sort of canceled each other out. What the prosecution did not allude to, and REALLY should have, was this: if that is in fact Zimmerman's voice crying for help, then why do all cries and sounds cease immediately after the gunshot? And also, why are you still screaming for help if you're holding a gun to the chest of your attacker? If it were Zimmerman screaming then one would think it's mighty coincidental for him to stop mid-scream after firing his weapon. But if you're the one screaming and are then shot dead, your scream would be silence immediately. I'm not sure why the prosecution did not mention this fact once during the trial. Apparently five out of the six jurors believed it was Zimmerman's voice on the tape.
10) The Stand Your Ground law. Twenty-one states have this law and it is one that desperately needs to be repealed. It basically allows for you to kill anybody on your property for any reason, as long as you claim self-defense when the cops show up. It was not a huge part of this case because Zimmerman's attorneys chose to abandon that as a defense before trial (they'd previously used the law as his defense in the media). I'm not sure what the reason was behind the change in strategy but it could have something to do with the fact that Trayvon Martin was not on George Zimmerman's property. He was in his neighborhood, but not on property that Zimmerman owned himself. Even though this was not his defense, the jury still heard about the law via an interview the accused did with a national news station a year ago. It seems to have resonated with this particular juror as she said in her interview that Zimmerman had the right to defend himself, even if HE initiated the fight. Under the Stand Your Ground law, you're apparently allowed to start something and then finish it however you see fit. Who's going to know anyway? The only other person involved is dead.
11) The night of the verdict (or a few nights later, I don't remember) I logged on to Facebook and saw a friend had posted pictures of a pro-Trayvon march taking place in California. I was struck by a few of the comments left on the status update. One comment mentioned that it would be nice if people cared as much about important things. Because the unnecessary death of a kid isn't important I guess. Another said something along the lines of people having nothing better to do but protest and using any excuse to do so in the misguided belief that it will bring justice. On one hand, I understand where that comes from, but on the other hand it's not like people are taking to the streets for the hell of it. This is a case that has moved a lot of people and has become about civil rights, something that is important to several different races, not just those involved in this case. Another status comment said, "I think all of these people are just looking for a reason to riot and lash out at white people". Right. Because we minority folk didn't have any reason to be upset at you white folks until THIS verdict. And now that it's been handed down, we're all a bunch of rabid, white-hating dogs. Yep, that must be it. Somebody commenting on another friend's status expressed surprise that she was on the Trayvon side of the fence since she's Latino (as is Zimmerman), as if we're all supposed to side with the person who shares the same culture we do. It was just a dumb thing to say. What all of these comments miss is the plot. These protests are not people looking for an excuse to riot. In fact, 99% of them have been peaceful protests by people who want more than justice for one murdered boy. They want things overall to change. If this case had been about a black man shooting a white boy, or a white person shooting another white person, or black on black crime, then there would be no protests or calls for equality. The case probably wouldn't have even made the news if any of those other scenarios had taken place. It is because people feel a minority was profiled and murdered and his killer set free that they are so passionately calling for change. As for what someone said about the protesting not bringing about any kind of justice, that may turn out to be true. Things could go the way of every other controversial court decision and the hoopla dies down and it fades from the media and everything remains the same. That's probably the way it will go. But there's also a chance it does prompt a dialogue and maybe even some changes. After all, what brings about change? Action. Isn't it crazy that as we approach the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech, much of what envisioned still has not yet come to pass.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Hilarity Ensues
A couple few things...
Her: I don't even know how people do it in only military
Me: Military?
Her: Position
[Moment where we both realize what she actually meant]
Me: LOL Missionary
Her: LOL. OMG I meant MISSIONARY
The fact that she said 'position' as if THAT were what I didn't understand was hilarious.
----------
I have taken to playing 'Draw Something' again and, as you know, I can't draw for crap. A friend of mine just got a smartphone and just before she got it, this happened:
Friend: My phone should be in tomorrow
Friend: I'm ready to fuck up the English language
Me: lol And I am ready to point, laugh, post to the blog and forget that I was you a year ago
Friend: LOL Asshole
Then, we started playing 'Draw Something' and she can actually kinda draw. Most of her pictures actually look like...well, what they're supposed to be. Whereas mine look like...well, not what they're supposed to be. But I did get the word 'Lawnmower' and drew this:
To which she said: "LOL You know you are a Mexican when your drawing of a lawnmower is the best you've done." Bazinga.
But two days later, a little fella called karma came knocking at her Draw Something door. We're both lusting after the watercolor brush on the game but neither of us are even close to the tax bracket we need to be in to afford it. She texts me the other night saying she logged into her account to find an absurdly high number of coins and she had no idea where they'd come from. Of course she immediately bought the watercolor brush, and I joked that it was probably a glitch and that the man would come around and repossess that brush in a few days time. I didn't have to wait that long:
Her: LMFAO Well you called it. It was a glitch. I refresh the game and not only were all my coins gone but they repossessed the watercolor brush
Me: LOL. Watercolor brush, we hardly knew ye
Me: lol Hide yo coins, hide yo watercolor brush
Her: LOL
----------
I had some sort of stomach bug the other night and my texting paid the price.
Me: She asked me if I took anything for it and iPhone says to her, he says, "like HDTV a bottle of porno" Friend: LMAO!
Me: lol Fuckin' smartphone
Friend: I want a bottle of porno!
Me: 99 bottles of porn on the wall, 99 bottles of porn. A midget takes one down, passes it around, 99 porn loving midgets abound!
Friend: LOL I fuckin' love you
----------
G: So my parents are duking it out again in court over some crap, right?
Me: Yeah
G: And today, coincidentally, is when the ruling comes down in her case too.
G: So I'm gonna send you the same song I sent her in honor of the occasion.
Me: lol I'm scared
[G sends this]
Me: LMAO! Oh man....
G: What? What's funny about that song? INDEPENDENCE YO!
Me: Do you even know what that song is about?
G: Independence...or something...but I have a feeling I'm wrong lol
Me: LOL Um...basically a dude abuses his wife and daughter and then the wife burns their house to the ground with the dude still in it. Thus, she regains her independence.
G: LMAO! Wowwwwwww. I was way off.
Me: So basically you suggested that your mom burn down your dad's house with him in it
G: LOL Dammit!
Me: And I'm not sure who you're suggesting I set on fire...remember the government is listening lol
G: lol You and the fuckin' government, like you're somebody
Me: LOL That's big talk for someone who's going to prison as an accessory
G: lol If I get popped, I'm taking all ya'll down with me. Nobody gets out alive.
Her: I don't even know how people do it in only military
Me: Military?
Her: Position
[Moment where we both realize what she actually meant]
Me: LOL Missionary
Her: LOL. OMG I meant MISSIONARY
The fact that she said 'position' as if THAT were what I didn't understand was hilarious.
----------
I have taken to playing 'Draw Something' again and, as you know, I can't draw for crap. A friend of mine just got a smartphone and just before she got it, this happened:
Friend: My phone should be in tomorrow
Friend: I'm ready to fuck up the English language
Me: lol And I am ready to point, laugh, post to the blog and forget that I was you a year ago
Friend: LOL Asshole
Then, we started playing 'Draw Something' and she can actually kinda draw. Most of her pictures actually look like...well, what they're supposed to be. Whereas mine look like...well, not what they're supposed to be. But I did get the word 'Lawnmower' and drew this:
(Yes, this is as well as I can draw, sadly.)
To which she said: "LOL You know you are a Mexican when your drawing of a lawnmower is the best you've done." Bazinga.
But two days later, a little fella called karma came knocking at her Draw Something door. We're both lusting after the watercolor brush on the game but neither of us are even close to the tax bracket we need to be in to afford it. She texts me the other night saying she logged into her account to find an absurdly high number of coins and she had no idea where they'd come from. Of course she immediately bought the watercolor brush, and I joked that it was probably a glitch and that the man would come around and repossess that brush in a few days time. I didn't have to wait that long:
Her: LMFAO Well you called it. It was a glitch. I refresh the game and not only were all my coins gone but they repossessed the watercolor brush
Me: LOL. Watercolor brush, we hardly knew ye
Me: lol Hide yo coins, hide yo watercolor brush
Her: LOL
----------
I had some sort of stomach bug the other night and my texting paid the price.
Me: She asked me if I took anything for it and iPhone says to her, he says, "like HDTV a bottle of porno" Friend: LMAO!
Me: lol Fuckin' smartphone
Friend: I want a bottle of porno!
Me: 99 bottles of porn on the wall, 99 bottles of porn. A midget takes one down, passes it around, 99 porn loving midgets abound!
Friend: LOL I fuckin' love you
----------
G: So my parents are duking it out again in court over some crap, right?
Me: Yeah
G: And today, coincidentally, is when the ruling comes down in her case too.
G: So I'm gonna send you the same song I sent her in honor of the occasion.
Me: lol I'm scared
[G sends this]
Me: LMAO! Oh man....
G: What? What's funny about that song? INDEPENDENCE YO!
Me: Do you even know what that song is about?
G: Independence...or something...but I have a feeling I'm wrong lol
Me: LOL Um...basically a dude abuses his wife and daughter and then the wife burns their house to the ground with the dude still in it. Thus, she regains her independence.
G: LMAO! Wowwwwwww. I was way off.
Me: So basically you suggested that your mom burn down your dad's house with him in it
G: LOL Dammit!
Me: And I'm not sure who you're suggesting I set on fire...remember the government is listening lol
G: lol You and the fuckin' government, like you're somebody
Me: LOL That's big talk for someone who's going to prison as an accessory
G: lol If I get popped, I'm taking all ya'll down with me. Nobody gets out alive.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
The Demons That Stalk Us
I remember when I first saw the previews for the TV show, "Glee". I liked the premise and I loved that they put their own twist on songs from all genres and decades. I only watched the first season because I felt the show began to stray from what it had been in the beginning, but I did tune in every now and then when they devoted an episode to a certain artist. I have to be honest, I never really loved Cory Monteith in the role of Finn. I wasn't a huge fan of the voice and it didn't seem believable to me that he would be the 'hottest jock' in school. But he did play the role of a clueless, out of place jock incredibly well. He became one of those characters that you couldn't help but root for. I was never a 'Gleek' and have no idea what's even going on with the show anymore, but was surprised to hear that the actor checked himself into rehab earlier this year and apparently had a colorful past when it came to drug abuse. I heard he'd been released and was doing well and thought that was great, he seemed like a good kid. And that's the sad thing about this post is that I had to write "seemed" like a good kid and refer to him in the past tense. As you've probably heard by now, Monteith died in Vancouver last night at the age of 31. The cause is not yet known but people are already alluding to his recent rehab stint and assuming that drugs were involved. Whether that proves to be true or not, some people seem to think they know it all and are posting terrible comments on the stories about his death. Addiction, if that's even what the cause is, is a disease. No one wants to be ruled by alcohol or drugs or anything else one can be addicted to. Once you are an addict, you are an addict for life and it is a constant battle to keep your bad habits in check.
I'm not completely sure why, but deaths of people from my generation while they're in their prime seem to affect me, whether I was a fan or not. I was very affected by Heath Ledger's death despite never having been a hardcore fan of his. I thought he was a great actor but had never gone out of my way to see any of his performances. Maybe it was the fact that he'd simply taken something to help him sleep, something I was doing quite a bit at that time, and never woke up. Maybe it was that he had a young daughter that he would never get to see grow up, who would never know him as a child should a parent. Whatever it was, his death forced me to keep things in check for the next little while. Fatherhood obviously helped with that later on. I was never an 'addict' in the true sense of the word, but I've had an ongoing battle with substances (one, in particular) for years now. I'd start and stop at my leisure and occasionally fall into that same trap even now. That is, until something like this forces me to re-examine my choices and hammers home the potential dangers. Most people have demons of some kind, but not everyone is able to conquer them. Some have to walk alongside theirs for the rest of their lives, waiting and worrying about if, or when, they will eventually be the death of them. Even if that wasn't the case with him, it doesn't change the fact that his life was so tragically cut short.
I think another reason that this particular death has gotten me thinking is because of the girlfriend he leaves behind. I know what it's like to be in her shoes right now, to have your whole life ahead of you and then suddenly have it all stripped away. It's going to be an incredibly long and slow healing process for her. My girlfriend had a few issues with substances in the years prior to her death and it always terrified me that I'd get 'that call'. Once she pulled herself out of that hole, I was so happy. I thought nothing could tear us apart after she was better. But life makes fools of us all. I just ended up getting a different kind of call. Still, it is because of what I watched her struggle with that I am super vigilant about those in my life falling into a similar trap. If only I could take my own advice and not play with fire...
I'm not completely sure why, but deaths of people from my generation while they're in their prime seem to affect me, whether I was a fan or not. I was very affected by Heath Ledger's death despite never having been a hardcore fan of his. I thought he was a great actor but had never gone out of my way to see any of his performances. Maybe it was the fact that he'd simply taken something to help him sleep, something I was doing quite a bit at that time, and never woke up. Maybe it was that he had a young daughter that he would never get to see grow up, who would never know him as a child should a parent. Whatever it was, his death forced me to keep things in check for the next little while. Fatherhood obviously helped with that later on. I was never an 'addict' in the true sense of the word, but I've had an ongoing battle with substances (one, in particular) for years now. I'd start and stop at my leisure and occasionally fall into that same trap even now. That is, until something like this forces me to re-examine my choices and hammers home the potential dangers. Most people have demons of some kind, but not everyone is able to conquer them. Some have to walk alongside theirs for the rest of their lives, waiting and worrying about if, or when, they will eventually be the death of them. Even if that wasn't the case with him, it doesn't change the fact that his life was so tragically cut short.
I think another reason that this particular death has gotten me thinking is because of the girlfriend he leaves behind. I know what it's like to be in her shoes right now, to have your whole life ahead of you and then suddenly have it all stripped away. It's going to be an incredibly long and slow healing process for her. My girlfriend had a few issues with substances in the years prior to her death and it always terrified me that I'd get 'that call'. Once she pulled herself out of that hole, I was so happy. I thought nothing could tear us apart after she was better. But life makes fools of us all. I just ended up getting a different kind of call. Still, it is because of what I watched her struggle with that I am super vigilant about those in my life falling into a similar trap. If only I could take my own advice and not play with fire...
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Justice Denied
UPDATE: Zimmerman's brother, who has always struck me as a bit of a moron, went on CNN last night and called Trayvon Martin a "drug runner", amongst other things. Keep it classless, Zimmermans. Also, it has come to my attention that federal charges can still be brought based on the fact that racial profiling was the catalyst for the crime. I won't hold my breath but I certainly hope the case goes that route.
On the rainy evening of February 26, 2012, 17-year-old Trayvon Martin returned to his father's gated community in Sanford, Florida after having purchased some snacks at a local convenience store. At that same time, George Zimmerman, a twentysomething resident of the neighborhood, happened to be on his way to run an errand noticed someone wearing a hoodie and called the police department to report the person as "suspicious". He claimed the young man seemed to be on drugs and "looked" like he was up to no good. The dispatcher at the police department told the older man not to exit his vehicle or confront the individual in any way because help was on the way. But Zimmerman fancied himself a neighborhood watchman of sorts and chose to get out of his car and confront this "suspicious" person. What happened from that moment on is known only to two people. But several neighbors heard some sort of altercation, including someone repeatedly screaming, "Help", and called 911 to report it. By the time the police responded, George Zimmerman was bloodied and Trayvon Martin was dead. Zimmerman, a Hispanic-American, claimed self-defense, claiming he'd identified himself to Trayvon Martin, an African-American, as the neighborhood watchman. He claimed Trayvon, who was unarmed, had attacked him and that he'd had no choice but to shoot him in order to defend himself. The police took Zimmerman to the hospital where he was treated for two minor lacerations on his head and a bloody nose. Neither of these injuries required stitches or any significant medical attention. After five hours of questioning, the police decided that there was no reason to doubt Zimmerman's claim of self-defense, so he was released. That's when the story gained national prominence. Allegations of racial profiling and questions about why a teenager would allegedly attack someone he didn't even know flew. Florida's 'Stand Your Ground' law, which allows a person to justifiably use self-defense when there is reasonable belief that they will be physically harmed, came under scrutiny. The police investigation was re-opened and Zimmerman did the media rounds with his attorney, changing his story on a few occasions, sometimes he had been familiar with the stand your ground law before the shooting, sometimes he hadn't heard of it until after the shooting. Zimmerman was ultimately charged with second-degree murder and went into hiding as he awaited trial. That trial began three weeks ago and ended tonight in a 'Not Guilty' verdict. And I' in disbelief about it all.
I first heard about this story when it gained national, and later international, prominence and I fell firmly on the side of Trayvon Martin. At first blush, this seemed to be a clear cut case of a man racially profiling someone and shooting them, end of story. A year and a half later, having learned all of the facts, I feel similarly. The prosecution chose not to bring the racial element into the trial, their case being that a wannabe cop decided to take the law into his own hands, confront someone he had no business confronting, attack him and then shoot him. Their evidence to support this was one of many 911 calls where the cries for help, believed by the prosecution to Trayvon, could be heard in the background, Trayvon's girlfriend's description of what she heard as she talked to him on the phone that night, and physical evidence that Zimmerman's life was never actually in danger. The defense, who were incredibly disrespectful towards the judge in this trial, claimed that Zimmerman was not the aggressor, but the victim and that he'd shot Trayvon only after he had been attacked by the teenager. Both sides used the same evidence, they just portrayed it in different lights. The defense claimed the screams for help were Zimmerman's, not Trayvon's, and that Martin had repeatedly slammed Zimmerman's head into the pavement. The way the defense portrayed it, Zimmerman didn't profile anybody, he simply asked this "suspicious" character what he was doing, Trayvon charged him for no reason and Zimmerman felt his life was in danger and had no choice but to shoot. They believed it was purely self-defense. Apparently the jury, made up of six women who were sequestered for the entire trial, agreed since they returned their verdict of 'Not Guilty' in just 16 hours.
I watched a good amount of the trial and I swayed back and forth as to what the outcome would be. My friends and I, all legal junkies, debated the case and each witness as if we had a stake in the outcome. As the prosecution concluded its case I found myself underwhelmed. It is their job to prove the charge beyond a reasonable doubt and I did not feel that they had proven a murder two charge, which at that time was the only charge Zimmerman was facing (manslaughter would also later be tacked on as a lesser charge). The State's medical examiner was one of the last witnesses and was a hot mess, admitting that he had not reviewed the case since he had conducted the original autopsy over a year ago. Many of the State's witnesses came off as if they had not been prepped beforehand which made their entire case seem like it was haphazardly put together. Almost like they had not had more than a year to prepare. The defense came off as cocky and called half a dozen witnesses to claim that it was Zimmerman's voice calling for help on the 911 tape, although none had ever heard him scream in such a manner before. The defense was, for lack of a better term, annoying. They interjected before witnesses were done answering a question, they bitched about minor crap to the judge, and they were disrespectful towards the judge often interjecting while she was in the middle of talking. But their medical examiner was a very good witness, a very personable guy who dumbed it down for the jury. The defense said it was absurd that such an obvious case of self-defense would even be brought to trial. I felt they did much more than they needed to since the State had not proven the murder charge to begin with. I didn't understand why the State didn't put up more of a fight. There were obvious facts that they never made light of. Zimmerman claimed his head was pounded into the pavement but Trayvon Martin's body was found far from the sidewalk, over on the grass. But no one mentioned that at trial. There were no obvious cuts or scrapes on Trayvon's hands, yet Zimmerman claimed he'd punched him in the nose. Never heard about that either. There were several "well if that's the case, then why does the evidence show otherwise" moments but none of them were pointed out by the prosecution. We kept wondering if they were saving all of this info for closing arguments but they still said nothing about it, and they badly needed all the help they could get after their parade of witnesses fell through. The defense did not win this case so much as the prosecution lost it.
Even though I believe the prosecution dropped the ball, I still am at a loss about the verdict because they did prove the manslaughter charge. Murder required the State the prove that Zimmerman acted with ill will, hatred or spite but manslaughter requires that they only prove two things; Trayvon Martin is dead and George Zimmerman intentionally committed an act or acts that caused that death. They did prove that, and today the jury asked for the definition of 'manslaughter' to be read back to them so obviously they were considering it. But I guess they didn't think the State proved it. Something else the prosecution did not point out was that the screams for help on that 911 call stop altogether as soon as the shot is fired. If it was Zimmerman screaming, why does he stop at that point? Zimmerman never explained why he pursued Trayvon Martin, other than when he told the police dispatcher that the "suspicious" person was a "fucking punk" who was walking slow and "looks like he's on drugs". How do you look like you're on drugs, especially from that distance? And why would someone walking in the rain while wearing a hoodie be considered a "punk"? Trayvon was on his cell phone talking to his girlfriend and walking home. Nothing suspicious about that.
To say that this was not racial profiling and that the verdict is not a statement about civil rights in this country is a lie. George Zimmerman wanted to be a cop but the closest he could get was to be a neighborhood watchmen, a rent-a-cop basically. He got out of his car because he thought he had more authority than he actually did. Would he have gotten out of that car, or even called the police, if Trayvon Martin was not African-American? I do not believe he would have. I think if Trayvon had been Hispanic or White or any other color in creation, he wouldn't have drawn two looks from Zimmerman and the rent-a-cop would have gone on about his night. No one would have been killed on that night if Trayvon Martin had not been African-American. This was racial profiling, plain and simple. However, I do not believe George Martin intended to shoot him at all. I think the most likely scenario is that Zimmerman left his vehicle and approached Trayvon and, not seeing any form of official identification or hearing Zimmerman identify himself, he refused to explain who he was or where he was going. I do not believe Trayvon attacked Zimmerman in any way. Maybe Zimmerman attempted to detain Trayvon or simply refused to let him go on into the neighborhood and they began to scuffle. I think they probably rolled around on the grass during the altercation, which explains how Zimmerman received his minor injuries. Two small cuts on the head are not at all consistent with being "slammed" into the concrete, it's more likely that he rolled onto a few small rocks on the grass and they just pierced the skin. Maybe at some point Trayvon did pin Zimmerman down and that's when he pulled the gun and fired. They are the only ones who know the actual series of events and one of them is unable to speak. The other one, I believe, has twisted his story to his own benefit and will probably never tell the truth, although he can never be prosecuted for the crime again. Regardless of how things unfolded, none of it ever happens if George Martin stays in his car as he is instructed to by law enforcement. He IS responsible for the death and should have been convicted of manslaughter. But what's done is done now.
This case has been interesting. I know people who are on Trayvon's side and people who are on Zimmerman's side but the one thing everyone has in common is how vehemently they believe in their cause. There seems to be no middle ground in this case for anyone who has followed it. A few polls of the nation seem to suggest the same thing as they're all 50/50 about whether or not the jury got it right. As the parent of an African-American child, it's upsetting that no one will be held accountable for a death that would not have happened if race were not such a big deal in this country. It could very easily be my kid who is walking down the street and is harassed or, god forbid, killed because someone doesn't like the way she looks. People like to pretend that race is no longer an issue just because we elected a minority President, but it's as much of an issue as it's ever been, if not more. This case became the national story it is because of race. If Zimmerman shot a Hispanic kid or a white kid, the media would not have cared. And had he shot either of those races and just had the exact same trial with the exact same evidence, I bet you money he would have been convicted. But the fact that he shot and killed someone of another color made everything in this case polarizing from the start. No one wants to touch something so racially charged. After hearing the verdict tonight, I felt similarly to how I did when the Casey Anthony verdict came down. Shocked and upset. I followed the Anthony case religiously from the very beginning and it has some things in common with this case. They're both Florida cases and both, I believe, had prosecutions that overcharged their defendants. The Anthony prosecutors, although much better at their job than the Martin prosecutors, could never have proven the first degree murder that was their first charge, anymore than the Martin group could prove second degree murder in their case. When you overcharge and THEN tack on lesser charges, you are asking for trouble. Also, in both cases the lesser charges were proven beyond a reasonable doubt, yet both defendants were acquitted. I believe it's possible that the Martin jury did not see manslaughter but the Anthony jury had to have had something else going on that caused them to acquit her (ie. they thought they'd get a bigger payday with a controversial verdict, or something else to that effect. Or they might actually all be that stupid, who knows.). But is Florida ever becoming the place to commit murder, of any kind, and get off scott free. Something in the water, maybe. The other thing both cases have in common is that they became more about the accused than the victim in the end. At a press conference after the verdict tonight, one of Zimmerman's lawyers actually said, "This trial was always about George Zimmerman" and I wanted to reach through the TV and clock him. That was the problem. The case was all about Zimmerman when it should have been all about Trayvon Martin.
On the rainy evening of February 26, 2012, 17-year-old Trayvon Martin returned to his father's gated community in Sanford, Florida after having purchased some snacks at a local convenience store. At that same time, George Zimmerman, a twentysomething resident of the neighborhood, happened to be on his way to run an errand noticed someone wearing a hoodie and called the police department to report the person as "suspicious". He claimed the young man seemed to be on drugs and "looked" like he was up to no good. The dispatcher at the police department told the older man not to exit his vehicle or confront the individual in any way because help was on the way. But Zimmerman fancied himself a neighborhood watchman of sorts and chose to get out of his car and confront this "suspicious" person. What happened from that moment on is known only to two people. But several neighbors heard some sort of altercation, including someone repeatedly screaming, "Help", and called 911 to report it. By the time the police responded, George Zimmerman was bloodied and Trayvon Martin was dead. Zimmerman, a Hispanic-American, claimed self-defense, claiming he'd identified himself to Trayvon Martin, an African-American, as the neighborhood watchman. He claimed Trayvon, who was unarmed, had attacked him and that he'd had no choice but to shoot him in order to defend himself. The police took Zimmerman to the hospital where he was treated for two minor lacerations on his head and a bloody nose. Neither of these injuries required stitches or any significant medical attention. After five hours of questioning, the police decided that there was no reason to doubt Zimmerman's claim of self-defense, so he was released. That's when the story gained national prominence. Allegations of racial profiling and questions about why a teenager would allegedly attack someone he didn't even know flew. Florida's 'Stand Your Ground' law, which allows a person to justifiably use self-defense when there is reasonable belief that they will be physically harmed, came under scrutiny. The police investigation was re-opened and Zimmerman did the media rounds with his attorney, changing his story on a few occasions, sometimes he had been familiar with the stand your ground law before the shooting, sometimes he hadn't heard of it until after the shooting. Zimmerman was ultimately charged with second-degree murder and went into hiding as he awaited trial. That trial began three weeks ago and ended tonight in a 'Not Guilty' verdict. And I' in disbelief about it all.
I first heard about this story when it gained national, and later international, prominence and I fell firmly on the side of Trayvon Martin. At first blush, this seemed to be a clear cut case of a man racially profiling someone and shooting them, end of story. A year and a half later, having learned all of the facts, I feel similarly. The prosecution chose not to bring the racial element into the trial, their case being that a wannabe cop decided to take the law into his own hands, confront someone he had no business confronting, attack him and then shoot him. Their evidence to support this was one of many 911 calls where the cries for help, believed by the prosecution to Trayvon, could be heard in the background, Trayvon's girlfriend's description of what she heard as she talked to him on the phone that night, and physical evidence that Zimmerman's life was never actually in danger. The defense, who were incredibly disrespectful towards the judge in this trial, claimed that Zimmerman was not the aggressor, but the victim and that he'd shot Trayvon only after he had been attacked by the teenager. Both sides used the same evidence, they just portrayed it in different lights. The defense claimed the screams for help were Zimmerman's, not Trayvon's, and that Martin had repeatedly slammed Zimmerman's head into the pavement. The way the defense portrayed it, Zimmerman didn't profile anybody, he simply asked this "suspicious" character what he was doing, Trayvon charged him for no reason and Zimmerman felt his life was in danger and had no choice but to shoot. They believed it was purely self-defense. Apparently the jury, made up of six women who were sequestered for the entire trial, agreed since they returned their verdict of 'Not Guilty' in just 16 hours.
I watched a good amount of the trial and I swayed back and forth as to what the outcome would be. My friends and I, all legal junkies, debated the case and each witness as if we had a stake in the outcome. As the prosecution concluded its case I found myself underwhelmed. It is their job to prove the charge beyond a reasonable doubt and I did not feel that they had proven a murder two charge, which at that time was the only charge Zimmerman was facing (manslaughter would also later be tacked on as a lesser charge). The State's medical examiner was one of the last witnesses and was a hot mess, admitting that he had not reviewed the case since he had conducted the original autopsy over a year ago. Many of the State's witnesses came off as if they had not been prepped beforehand which made their entire case seem like it was haphazardly put together. Almost like they had not had more than a year to prepare. The defense came off as cocky and called half a dozen witnesses to claim that it was Zimmerman's voice calling for help on the 911 tape, although none had ever heard him scream in such a manner before. The defense was, for lack of a better term, annoying. They interjected before witnesses were done answering a question, they bitched about minor crap to the judge, and they were disrespectful towards the judge often interjecting while she was in the middle of talking. But their medical examiner was a very good witness, a very personable guy who dumbed it down for the jury. The defense said it was absurd that such an obvious case of self-defense would even be brought to trial. I felt they did much more than they needed to since the State had not proven the murder charge to begin with. I didn't understand why the State didn't put up more of a fight. There were obvious facts that they never made light of. Zimmerman claimed his head was pounded into the pavement but Trayvon Martin's body was found far from the sidewalk, over on the grass. But no one mentioned that at trial. There were no obvious cuts or scrapes on Trayvon's hands, yet Zimmerman claimed he'd punched him in the nose. Never heard about that either. There were several "well if that's the case, then why does the evidence show otherwise" moments but none of them were pointed out by the prosecution. We kept wondering if they were saving all of this info for closing arguments but they still said nothing about it, and they badly needed all the help they could get after their parade of witnesses fell through. The defense did not win this case so much as the prosecution lost it.
Even though I believe the prosecution dropped the ball, I still am at a loss about the verdict because they did prove the manslaughter charge. Murder required the State the prove that Zimmerman acted with ill will, hatred or spite but manslaughter requires that they only prove two things; Trayvon Martin is dead and George Zimmerman intentionally committed an act or acts that caused that death. They did prove that, and today the jury asked for the definition of 'manslaughter' to be read back to them so obviously they were considering it. But I guess they didn't think the State proved it. Something else the prosecution did not point out was that the screams for help on that 911 call stop altogether as soon as the shot is fired. If it was Zimmerman screaming, why does he stop at that point? Zimmerman never explained why he pursued Trayvon Martin, other than when he told the police dispatcher that the "suspicious" person was a "fucking punk" who was walking slow and "looks like he's on drugs". How do you look like you're on drugs, especially from that distance? And why would someone walking in the rain while wearing a hoodie be considered a "punk"? Trayvon was on his cell phone talking to his girlfriend and walking home. Nothing suspicious about that.
To say that this was not racial profiling and that the verdict is not a statement about civil rights in this country is a lie. George Zimmerman wanted to be a cop but the closest he could get was to be a neighborhood watchmen, a rent-a-cop basically. He got out of his car because he thought he had more authority than he actually did. Would he have gotten out of that car, or even called the police, if Trayvon Martin was not African-American? I do not believe he would have. I think if Trayvon had been Hispanic or White or any other color in creation, he wouldn't have drawn two looks from Zimmerman and the rent-a-cop would have gone on about his night. No one would have been killed on that night if Trayvon Martin had not been African-American. This was racial profiling, plain and simple. However, I do not believe George Martin intended to shoot him at all. I think the most likely scenario is that Zimmerman left his vehicle and approached Trayvon and, not seeing any form of official identification or hearing Zimmerman identify himself, he refused to explain who he was or where he was going. I do not believe Trayvon attacked Zimmerman in any way. Maybe Zimmerman attempted to detain Trayvon or simply refused to let him go on into the neighborhood and they began to scuffle. I think they probably rolled around on the grass during the altercation, which explains how Zimmerman received his minor injuries. Two small cuts on the head are not at all consistent with being "slammed" into the concrete, it's more likely that he rolled onto a few small rocks on the grass and they just pierced the skin. Maybe at some point Trayvon did pin Zimmerman down and that's when he pulled the gun and fired. They are the only ones who know the actual series of events and one of them is unable to speak. The other one, I believe, has twisted his story to his own benefit and will probably never tell the truth, although he can never be prosecuted for the crime again. Regardless of how things unfolded, none of it ever happens if George Martin stays in his car as he is instructed to by law enforcement. He IS responsible for the death and should have been convicted of manslaughter. But what's done is done now.
This case has been interesting. I know people who are on Trayvon's side and people who are on Zimmerman's side but the one thing everyone has in common is how vehemently they believe in their cause. There seems to be no middle ground in this case for anyone who has followed it. A few polls of the nation seem to suggest the same thing as they're all 50/50 about whether or not the jury got it right. As the parent of an African-American child, it's upsetting that no one will be held accountable for a death that would not have happened if race were not such a big deal in this country. It could very easily be my kid who is walking down the street and is harassed or, god forbid, killed because someone doesn't like the way she looks. People like to pretend that race is no longer an issue just because we elected a minority President, but it's as much of an issue as it's ever been, if not more. This case became the national story it is because of race. If Zimmerman shot a Hispanic kid or a white kid, the media would not have cared. And had he shot either of those races and just had the exact same trial with the exact same evidence, I bet you money he would have been convicted. But the fact that he shot and killed someone of another color made everything in this case polarizing from the start. No one wants to touch something so racially charged. After hearing the verdict tonight, I felt similarly to how I did when the Casey Anthony verdict came down. Shocked and upset. I followed the Anthony case religiously from the very beginning and it has some things in common with this case. They're both Florida cases and both, I believe, had prosecutions that overcharged their defendants. The Anthony prosecutors, although much better at their job than the Martin prosecutors, could never have proven the first degree murder that was their first charge, anymore than the Martin group could prove second degree murder in their case. When you overcharge and THEN tack on lesser charges, you are asking for trouble. Also, in both cases the lesser charges were proven beyond a reasonable doubt, yet both defendants were acquitted. I believe it's possible that the Martin jury did not see manslaughter but the Anthony jury had to have had something else going on that caused them to acquit her (ie. they thought they'd get a bigger payday with a controversial verdict, or something else to that effect. Or they might actually all be that stupid, who knows.). But is Florida ever becoming the place to commit murder, of any kind, and get off scott free. Something in the water, maybe. The other thing both cases have in common is that they became more about the accused than the victim in the end. At a press conference after the verdict tonight, one of Zimmerman's lawyers actually said, "This trial was always about George Zimmerman" and I wanted to reach through the TV and clock him. That was the problem. The case was all about Zimmerman when it should have been all about Trayvon Martin.
Friday, July 12, 2013
All Of My Doubt Suddenly Goes Away Somehow
I'm a sucker for love songs. I don't care who sings it, I don't care what movie it originates from, if the lyrics are good and it's sung well, I'm all in. We're going to ignore the origins of this song and instead pay attention to the lyrics and the haunting quality it has to it.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Cheap Date
In the past I have bragged about being genetically blessed when it comes to alcohol consumption (perhaps not surprisingly, alcoholism runs in the family). I probably only survived the dark ages because of the impressively high alky tolerance I have. Or, used to have. I don't have that anymore. At all. AT ALL. The treatments for anemia have affected me in many ways but none more apparent than my alcohol tolerance. It has gone down to zero. I can get tipsy on less than one drink. So what happens when I go wine tasting? Quite a bit, as it turns out. In hindsight, I think I drank too quickly and not too much. For an hour or so, I was stumbling around and slurring my speech and...well, you'll see what else. But by the end of the night, I was showing no effects of intoxication. I did have a hell of a time trying to get to sleep though. Which is surprising given how busy I was earlier in the night...
Me: I should have your own reality show on TLC
Me: It would be Honey Boo Boo meets Maury Povich
Me: Meets To Catch A Predator
Me: Meets Jesus Christ Superstar
Friend: LOL...Um okay
----------
Me: Jow many emus jumped over the fence?
Sister: Emus? Jow?
Me: Nine cuz emus can't dance
Sister: LOL Wow
Sister: You are...prettier than usual tonight
----------
Cousin: Where are you?
Me: Swine basting
Cousin: LOL Wine tasting?
Me: Swine basting
Cousin: WINE TASTING
Me: Wife tasting
Cousin: LMAO!
----------
Cousin: Do you have any idea what you did last night? Lol
Me: lol Not really. I only know what I am told
Cousin: Do you remember "wife tasting"?
Me: LOL No...I def woulda remembered doing that...
----------
Best Friend: Well, first you asked the wine taster lady if the wine could breathe after you drank it. Then, you told A [a chick] that she was a "good lookin' fella". And for an encore, you told everyone we ran into that you weren't wearing panties. Although you seemed most interested in telling that to an elderly woman at Walgreens repeatedly.
----------
And just when I thought I was sober, this happened on Sunday. TWO days after the tasting:
Friend: My morning was shot to hell, so was hers though
Me: So you have brunch at 5. It's a Jesus. Sunday would want it that way
Me: LOL Dammit!
Friend: LOL
----------
Friend: Pick up stix
Me: 5, 6
Friend: lol 7, 8 lay them straight
Me: Uh...9, 10...put them back down again?
Friend: That's the same part I forgot too so your guess is as good as mine lol
Me: 5,6 pick up chicks. 7,8 lay them straight. 9,10 send them home again
Me: That's how it goes
Friend: LOL We would
Me: I should have your own reality show on TLC
Me: It would be Honey Boo Boo meets Maury Povich
Me: Meets To Catch A Predator
Me: Meets Jesus Christ Superstar
Friend: LOL...Um okay
----------
Me: Jow many emus jumped over the fence?
Sister: Emus? Jow?
Me: Nine cuz emus can't dance
Sister: LOL Wow
Sister: You are...prettier than usual tonight
----------
Cousin: Where are you?
Me: Swine basting
Cousin: LOL Wine tasting?
Me: Swine basting
Cousin: WINE TASTING
Me: Wife tasting
Cousin: LMAO!
----------
Cousin: Do you have any idea what you did last night? Lol
Me: lol Not really. I only know what I am told
Cousin: Do you remember "wife tasting"?
Me: LOL No...I def woulda remembered doing that...
----------
Best Friend: Well, first you asked the wine taster lady if the wine could breathe after you drank it. Then, you told A [a chick] that she was a "good lookin' fella". And for an encore, you told everyone we ran into that you weren't wearing panties. Although you seemed most interested in telling that to an elderly woman at Walgreens repeatedly.
----------
And just when I thought I was sober, this happened on Sunday. TWO days after the tasting:
Friend: My morning was shot to hell, so was hers though
Me: So you have brunch at 5. It's a Jesus. Sunday would want it that way
Me: LOL Dammit!
Friend: LOL
----------
Friend: Pick up stix
Me: 5, 6
Friend: lol 7, 8 lay them straight
Me: Uh...9, 10...put them back down again?
Friend: That's the same part I forgot too so your guess is as good as mine lol
Me: 5,6 pick up chicks. 7,8 lay them straight. 9,10 send them home again
Me: That's how it goes
Friend: LOL We would
Sunday, July 7, 2013
To Life.
When I was a kid, I was fascinated by the work my uncle did as a tattoo artist. I always thought there was something nifty about liking a picture or phrase so much that you'd put it on your body for the rest of your life. My brother and I used to be obsessed with finding temporary tattoos in what we considered to be "cool" designs. Mom was less than thrilled about our love of body modification. I remember when I got my first tattoo as a teenager. I'd been saying I was going to get one since I was a kid but once I actually followed through with it, my mom's reaction was not what I expected. She cried. She said that she thought I was perfect from the day I was born and she didn't understand why I needed to modify myself in any way. And of course I felt guilty about it cuz, as it turns out, she had a pretty legit and great reason for not wanting me to get inked. But I think she always knew it was coming since we grew up with a tattoo artist in the family. (She later slapped this same tattoo artist/brother for giving each of us our first ink.) A decade later, she is still not happy with any of her children's tattoos. Long ago she decided that ignorance is bliss and that she didn't really want to know when we got new ones. I've been able to adhere to her request (mostly) but my siblings have both chosen to make their ink highly visible; the brother has tattoos on his arms, the sister has some on her wrists. Mom still cringes whenever she sees or hears about a new tattoo any of us have gotten. And I expect the same reaction to my newest work o' art.
I've spoken before about the bond I have with my best friends. I've known Y since birth, A and R since middle school and E and G since my early twenties. The stars seemed to align once all of our paths finally crossed. We're not friends, we're family. And we've been through a lot together. Five engagements, two kids, one car accident, two serious illnesses and countless other good and bad times. We weather the storms together and somehow always manage to come out the other side. We have a tradition of doing dinners after we get past something negative, or when something really positive happens. All of our dinners include toasts during which only two words are said: To life. It started after I was released from the hospital and everybody was thankful I'd survived. It continued after E survived his first battle with the big C. And it emphasized what was important; that whatever we'd just gone through, we'd survived it. It's always been a bit of a comfort to all of us. Yet it was the last thing we thought about when we decided to get a group tattoo. We decided months ago that we all wanted to get inked together but had never been able to have the conversation about what to get. My cousin was getting some finishing touches put on his sleeve and the rest of us tagged along to watch. But tattoo shops are seductive. You think you're going to watch someone else be tortured or to "just look" at some art and, next thing you know, you're walking out with plastic wrapped around you. This occasion was no different. We started looking at art and then decided we may as well just take the plunge. The discussion of what to get was hilarious; G suggested "Thug Life", A wanted something entirely too girly and R got so frustrated with the process that he almost walked out. In the end, it was E who had the final say on what we got. And it was E who brought up the toast. Sold. One by one, we marched on up to the chair and got 'em done. And they're awesome. I haven't gotten a tattoo in years, which is very unlike me, so I'm in a little more pain than I normally would be in. But it was so worth it. And I'm 99% sure I'll be getting another one soon. They really are addictive. Sorry, mom.
I've spoken before about the bond I have with my best friends. I've known Y since birth, A and R since middle school and E and G since my early twenties. The stars seemed to align once all of our paths finally crossed. We're not friends, we're family. And we've been through a lot together. Five engagements, two kids, one car accident, two serious illnesses and countless other good and bad times. We weather the storms together and somehow always manage to come out the other side. We have a tradition of doing dinners after we get past something negative, or when something really positive happens. All of our dinners include toasts during which only two words are said: To life. It started after I was released from the hospital and everybody was thankful I'd survived. It continued after E survived his first battle with the big C. And it emphasized what was important; that whatever we'd just gone through, we'd survived it. It's always been a bit of a comfort to all of us. Yet it was the last thing we thought about when we decided to get a group tattoo. We decided months ago that we all wanted to get inked together but had never been able to have the conversation about what to get. My cousin was getting some finishing touches put on his sleeve and the rest of us tagged along to watch. But tattoo shops are seductive. You think you're going to watch someone else be tortured or to "just look" at some art and, next thing you know, you're walking out with plastic wrapped around you. This occasion was no different. We started looking at art and then decided we may as well just take the plunge. The discussion of what to get was hilarious; G suggested "Thug Life", A wanted something entirely too girly and R got so frustrated with the process that he almost walked out. In the end, it was E who had the final say on what we got. And it was E who brought up the toast. Sold. One by one, we marched on up to the chair and got 'em done. And they're awesome. I haven't gotten a tattoo in years, which is very unlike me, so I'm in a little more pain than I normally would be in. But it was so worth it. And I'm 99% sure I'll be getting another one soon. They really are addictive. Sorry, mom.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
This One Time At Band Camp...
First, an apology to all those I drunkenly texted and/or called last night and into the early hours of the morning. We went wine tasting last night and, even though I didn't drink much, I did drink too fast and ended up a wee bit tipsy. Who was the drunkest girl at the party? That would me moi. But it was still fun. I shall write more of my debauchery from last night (including my autocorrected Facebook status gone horribly wrong) once I'm stone cold sober. Which should be, roughly, 2016.
Why you should never tell anyone anything ever about your sexcapades:
G: She set that mother fucker on fire like a young Latin boy in a West Coast hotel room...
Me: LOL Fuck you
G: LMAO That's right. Show some of that passion that sets hotels ablaze!
Me: I hate you lol
Me: I don't know why I tell you things
G: lol YOU didn't. She did. But you shoulda told me because this is what friends are for. To remind you of your embarrassing sexual escapades.
Me: I can't do the same cuz you married my cousin
G: lol Yeah, that turned out better than I planned
Me: Although...there was that thing you told me about your pre-marriage days...
G: ?
Me: You know...
G: No, I don't. ?
Me: About that one time...at band camp...
G: LOL Fuck you sooooo hard. That was told to you in confidence!
Me: LOL I was just being a smartass but now I'm curious about what happened at band camp
G: lol I never went to band camp. I had to focus on my academics.
Me: [The best friend] went to band camp...
G: Oooooooohhh...let's do it to her!
Me: LOL Uh...I'm a little unclear as to what we're talking about now
G: LOL The JOKE. Let's use the JOKE on her
Why you should never tell anyone anything ever about your sexcapades:
G: She set that mother fucker on fire like a young Latin boy in a West Coast hotel room...
Me: LOL Fuck you
G: LMAO That's right. Show some of that passion that sets hotels ablaze!
Me: I hate you lol
Me: I don't know why I tell you things
G: lol YOU didn't. She did. But you shoulda told me because this is what friends are for. To remind you of your embarrassing sexual escapades.
Me: I can't do the same cuz you married my cousin
G: lol Yeah, that turned out better than I planned
Me: Although...there was that thing you told me about your pre-marriage days...
G: ?
Me: You know...
G: No, I don't. ?
Me: About that one time...at band camp...
G: LOL Fuck you sooooo hard. That was told to you in confidence!
Me: LOL I was just being a smartass but now I'm curious about what happened at band camp
G: lol I never went to band camp. I had to focus on my academics.
Me: [The best friend] went to band camp...
G: Oooooooohhh...let's do it to her!
Me: LOL Uh...I'm a little unclear as to what we're talking about now
G: LOL The JOKE. Let's use the JOKE on her
Friday, July 5, 2013
Stopping Every Minute Just Because You're In It
I have a confession to make. I used to watch American Idol. Only the first few seasons though, back when it was a still a slightly original concept. Over a decade later, the show has produced countless reality stars and pseudo celebrities, but few legitimate talents. Kelly Clarkson, the original American Idol, and Carrie Underwood are the most notable singers to come off the show. And while I like both of them, the original is still my favorite. She could sing the phone book and I would probably buy it. She can even sing country. My grandma was a huge country music fan and her favorites were Kenny Rogers and Reba McEntire. Every morning when she took us to school, we were forced to listen to the country station, which is where she first took a liking to Vince Gill. And old meets new in this little ditty. I heard this song by accident. I was trying to click to the Old School R&B station on the television but hit the wrong button and it went to New Country. Everything for a reason, they say. I like this song because it sounds like something I would've heard back in the 90's while on the way to school in the morning.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
WHOAAAAAA Young Girl, Get Outta My Mind, My Love For You Is Way Outta Line, Better Runnnnnnn Girl
~ Starbucks coffee at 10:30PM - $4.00 (Which I firmly believe was spiked)
~ Plane ticket to Bawston - $100.00
~ Randomly deciding to sing the 60's classic, "Young Girl" by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap to random women whilst at karaoke (one of whom throws her number at you at the conclusion of your epic performance) - #AllOfYourDignity
~ Your best friend being healthy enough to travel and able to witness it all - PRICELESS.
(Also priceless, the spiked coffee that led to the surge in energy that enabled my performance.)
Sometimes you need your friends to embarrass you. Other times, you climb up on that karaoke stage by yourself, look at them and say, "I got this".
~ Plane ticket to Bawston - $100.00
~ Randomly deciding to sing the 60's classic, "Young Girl" by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap to random women whilst at karaoke (one of whom throws her number at you at the conclusion of your epic performance) - #AllOfYourDignity
~ Your best friend being healthy enough to travel and able to witness it all - PRICELESS.
(Also priceless, the spiked coffee that led to the surge in energy that enabled my performance.)
Sometimes you need your friends to embarrass you. Other times, you climb up on that karaoke stage by yourself, look at them and say, "I got this".
Monday, July 1, 2013
"Things Work Out Best For Those Who Make The Best Of How Things Work Out" - John Wooden
Take a second and think about what you wanted to be when you were a kid. Think about your favorite memory from your childhood. Now think about how you felt the first time you heard/saw/tasted something. And now imagine you can't remember any of that. Not how you decided what you wanted to be when you grew up, not an accurate recollection of the childhood moments that shaped you, no memory at all of the first time you saw some of your favorite movies. Welcome to my world. I've touched briefly before on the lingering effects of the car accident that left me with a traumatic brain injury (or TBI). But I've never gone into detail because...well, honestly because I just wanted to forget it ever happened. I wanted to be "normal". I desperately wanted that. And to most people, I come off that way. Everyone I know has said at some point or another that if they didn't know my history, they wouldn't be able to tell anything was amiss in my brain. And hearing that is a bit of a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I'm glad that people can't tell and treat me like they would anyone else. On the other hand, it can be cause for confusion when my reactions and questions are not what one would expect of a normal person. I've learned this the hard way and it hit home the other night during an argument with someone close to me. I always complain that she never listens and she always complains that I never communicate. She got upset and started venting and would stop every now and then to ask me a question. I never could answer it. When I changed my answer to the question later on in the convo, things got even more heated and it occurred to me that a large part of our complaints probably have to do with my head being fucked up. I didn't actually believe that until today though when I did a post-mortem on everything. I decided to open up and talk about the injury and the issues its left me with. And it felt good. And I think she understood me better. But who knows. TBI is tricky, as are the after effects of it. Because they're not really "after effects" since you never get over it.
When referring to my TBI, I usually say something along the lines of having 'bumped my head', which is what I actually did. Except I bumped it a little harder than most. Well, that and the fact that I cracked it open. The shortened, less boring version of what happened is that my head was shaken so violently in the accident that my brain rattled around in my skull. It was then further rattled around when my head hit the door of the car, causing bleeding that they had to operate to stop. Time is of the essence when dealing with bleeding on the brain and I got in just under the gun, although it took two tries. They thought they'd drained it all the first time but my condition did not stabilize so I was rushed into surgery a second time. I came dangerously close to not surviving that surgery. I technically "died" twice (which means the third time likely will be the charm for me in this particular area) but was fortunately shocked back to life. Then it was a waiting game. I'm told there were a daily battery of tests to try and gauge what my brain function was and get a reasonable expectation of what my prognosis would be when I woke up. Usually the tests brought more good news than bad but occasionally there were some causes for concern. Doctors told my family to be cautiously optimistic. I finally woke up two weeks after the accident and in a state of total confusion. At the time, my last memory was one from almost two months before the accident which meant I had no clue about the loss of my girlfriend or my own plight. Immediately after I woke up the doctors launched into some more tests and I remember being all kinda annoyed about it. I got so agitated that they knocked me out again for a few hours. At some point it was explained to me that the right side of my brain had taken a beating, injuring the temporal and frontal lobes. The prognosis was muddy; I might regain memories, I might not, I might fully recover, but most likely there would always be lingering effects. I had trouble lifting my left arm and moving my left leg because the right side of the brain controls the left side of your body. My emotional state was out of control and my personality had changed in some ways. I had major problems communicating thanks to the double whammy of temporal and frontal lobe damage (one controls expression, the other one comprehension). Mentally, I was not sharp. It took me a considerable amount of time to come up with a word I wanted to use and when I couldn't think of the word (which was often), I got upset. I had terrible headaches (think a migraine times a billion) and could not pay attention worth a damn. But I also had no concept of what I could and couldn't do so I would reach for something or try to haul my dainty ass out of bed without realizing I wasn't able to do it. Every movement, every thought, every feeling had been readjusted without my consent. Slowly, the recovery began. First, we worked on walking and controlling my left arm. Then controlling my moods and extending my attention span, while also re-learning words and how to solve problems effectively and without getting upset. It was a very long, very frustrating road. But I had nothing but time since the person I loved was gone. Somehow I felt like if I could shake off all this accident crap and get around to being better, then things would be how they were before. It was only when I realized that they wouldn't return to normal that I started self-medicating. And we know what happened there.
More than a decade later, the lingering effects of the accident remain a constant presence in my life. They are a daily reminder of what happened, of how I am not who I once was. I was asked in what ways these effects manifest themselves and, shockingly, couldn't come up with the words to explain. One way is something I've mentioned here before, how I can be annoying to watch TV shows and movies with since I have to be reminded of what's going on and who certain characters are. I have to write things down constantly, which is where my iPhone comes in incredibly handy since I can just get down whatever I need to at that moment. And we're talking even simple things like throwing the trash or running the dishwasher. I also have to stick to some sort of routine in the morning and the evenings when it comes to getting out of and getting ready for bed. I have to leave my meds in a certain location or else I will completely forget I'm even on them. I have to leave my toothpaste and anything else I need out on the bathroom counter or I will forget to use it. Reading and writing can sometimes be a challenge. It can take me a week to finish one blog post because I lose my train of thought. Or I'm writing one blog but suddenly get an idea for another and start it right away. I often have to re-read things two or three times in order to comprehend them, whether it be texts or a book or even my own writing. My moods and emotions are not always consistent, which is not helped by the high does of meds I have to take. My impulse control and judgement aren't always great. I have a tendency to do something on impulse, only to regret it later. I'll say something bad or buy something expensive on the spur of the moment completely without thinking only to linger for hours in how stupid I was to say/buy it. I'm poor at planning. My memory, both long and short term, fails me sometimes. And I can be awkward when it comes to social situations because I get extremely self-conscious. I feel like everyone can tell I'm not right and is talking about it. Or I feel like I'm going to say the wrong thing or not get somebody's joke and I'll be made fun of for it. All of these things affect me every single day. They likely will for the rest of my life. What has not improved by now will never improve. But it could be fixed someday. There is research that shows stem cells could reprogram the brain and dramatically improve or even cure the symptoms of TBI. You never know what science will do in the future. But for now, I am content with my progress. I was never going to be perfect to begin with, but am definitely far from it now. This is not how I intended to live or how I may have wanted to live but at least I did live through all of that. And in a way it is liberating to have very little concept of my limitations. Because it makes me feel like anyone can do anything. You make due with the hand you're dealt.
When referring to my TBI, I usually say something along the lines of having 'bumped my head', which is what I actually did. Except I bumped it a little harder than most. Well, that and the fact that I cracked it open. The shortened, less boring version of what happened is that my head was shaken so violently in the accident that my brain rattled around in my skull. It was then further rattled around when my head hit the door of the car, causing bleeding that they had to operate to stop. Time is of the essence when dealing with bleeding on the brain and I got in just under the gun, although it took two tries. They thought they'd drained it all the first time but my condition did not stabilize so I was rushed into surgery a second time. I came dangerously close to not surviving that surgery. I technically "died" twice (which means the third time likely will be the charm for me in this particular area) but was fortunately shocked back to life. Then it was a waiting game. I'm told there were a daily battery of tests to try and gauge what my brain function was and get a reasonable expectation of what my prognosis would be when I woke up. Usually the tests brought more good news than bad but occasionally there were some causes for concern. Doctors told my family to be cautiously optimistic. I finally woke up two weeks after the accident and in a state of total confusion. At the time, my last memory was one from almost two months before the accident which meant I had no clue about the loss of my girlfriend or my own plight. Immediately after I woke up the doctors launched into some more tests and I remember being all kinda annoyed about it. I got so agitated that they knocked me out again for a few hours. At some point it was explained to me that the right side of my brain had taken a beating, injuring the temporal and frontal lobes. The prognosis was muddy; I might regain memories, I might not, I might fully recover, but most likely there would always be lingering effects. I had trouble lifting my left arm and moving my left leg because the right side of the brain controls the left side of your body. My emotional state was out of control and my personality had changed in some ways. I had major problems communicating thanks to the double whammy of temporal and frontal lobe damage (one controls expression, the other one comprehension). Mentally, I was not sharp. It took me a considerable amount of time to come up with a word I wanted to use and when I couldn't think of the word (which was often), I got upset. I had terrible headaches (think a migraine times a billion) and could not pay attention worth a damn. But I also had no concept of what I could and couldn't do so I would reach for something or try to haul my dainty ass out of bed without realizing I wasn't able to do it. Every movement, every thought, every feeling had been readjusted without my consent. Slowly, the recovery began. First, we worked on walking and controlling my left arm. Then controlling my moods and extending my attention span, while also re-learning words and how to solve problems effectively and without getting upset. It was a very long, very frustrating road. But I had nothing but time since the person I loved was gone. Somehow I felt like if I could shake off all this accident crap and get around to being better, then things would be how they were before. It was only when I realized that they wouldn't return to normal that I started self-medicating. And we know what happened there.
More than a decade later, the lingering effects of the accident remain a constant presence in my life. They are a daily reminder of what happened, of how I am not who I once was. I was asked in what ways these effects manifest themselves and, shockingly, couldn't come up with the words to explain. One way is something I've mentioned here before, how I can be annoying to watch TV shows and movies with since I have to be reminded of what's going on and who certain characters are. I have to write things down constantly, which is where my iPhone comes in incredibly handy since I can just get down whatever I need to at that moment. And we're talking even simple things like throwing the trash or running the dishwasher. I also have to stick to some sort of routine in the morning and the evenings when it comes to getting out of and getting ready for bed. I have to leave my meds in a certain location or else I will completely forget I'm even on them. I have to leave my toothpaste and anything else I need out on the bathroom counter or I will forget to use it. Reading and writing can sometimes be a challenge. It can take me a week to finish one blog post because I lose my train of thought. Or I'm writing one blog but suddenly get an idea for another and start it right away. I often have to re-read things two or three times in order to comprehend them, whether it be texts or a book or even my own writing. My moods and emotions are not always consistent, which is not helped by the high does of meds I have to take. My impulse control and judgement aren't always great. I have a tendency to do something on impulse, only to regret it later. I'll say something bad or buy something expensive on the spur of the moment completely without thinking only to linger for hours in how stupid I was to say/buy it. I'm poor at planning. My memory, both long and short term, fails me sometimes. And I can be awkward when it comes to social situations because I get extremely self-conscious. I feel like everyone can tell I'm not right and is talking about it. Or I feel like I'm going to say the wrong thing or not get somebody's joke and I'll be made fun of for it. All of these things affect me every single day. They likely will for the rest of my life. What has not improved by now will never improve. But it could be fixed someday. There is research that shows stem cells could reprogram the brain and dramatically improve or even cure the symptoms of TBI. You never know what science will do in the future. But for now, I am content with my progress. I was never going to be perfect to begin with, but am definitely far from it now. This is not how I intended to live or how I may have wanted to live but at least I did live through all of that. And in a way it is liberating to have very little concept of my limitations. Because it makes me feel like anyone can do anything. You make due with the hand you're dealt.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)