I'm not proud of it but I used to be a fan of the t.v. show 'Cheaters' (and while I'm making confessions about guilty pleasure shows, I also loved 'Blind Date'). I think part of my fascination was watching the reactions of the guilty parties when they were confronted about their dirty deeds. The exchange was always something like this:
Spouse: "Who is this ho you been creepin' with?!"
Cheater: "Why you gotta come all up in here with cameras?!"
Clearly one of those things trumps the other but there was never a cheater who was remorseful about what they'd done. They were more concerned about being on camera.
The psyche of people who cheat is something that I don't understand at all. I've never cheated on anybody but I've been cheated on twice (only one of those hurt though cuz I wasn't emotionally attached to the other one). I think once you know how it feels to be cheated on there's no way you could ever do it to someone else, if you have any kind of heart. But I also think my feelings about cheaters are probably a little bit different than most because I wasn't just cheated on, I was also mind-f**ked for months afterward.
It seems like there are more ways to cheat now in this always connected age; sexting, Facebook, web sites that cater to people who wanna step out. So of course there are more ways to try and justify it. The most popular seems to be that humans are in actuality just animals, so cheating is an instinct and can't always be controlled. I've heard this theory before but I think it's total crap, just an excuse that cheaters use to try and defend their behavior. I've never heard someone who was the victim of a cheater defend this theory. Plus it makes no sense to me that we can be so evolved as to have manners (some of us, anyway) and form complex emotional relationships yet not evolved enough to reel in our own impulses. There's also a theory that birds are dinosaurs and that the genes that made them huge and scary millions of years ago turned themselves off for the sake of their survival. Some crazy ass scientists are actually trying to find the huge and scary gene and turn it back on (cuz doesn't it sound like a wonderful idea to have gigantic dinosaurs running around again? I mean, what could possibly go wrong there, right?). So it stands to reason that there could be some sort of cheating gene that is dormant in some (more evolved?) people but sickeningly active in others. Obviously it's not just genetics that make people cheat, it also has to do with the relationships you grew up around. Cheating is also a choice and it's pretty juvenile when you think about it. 'I want this AND I want that and so I'm gonna have both and not think about the consequences.'
Cheating has always been a deal breaker for me. I remember when I was growing up my mom would always say, 'If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you' and that's always stuck with me. It's just so right on. If you participate in that kind of relationship and you end up "winning" the cheater, you're completely stupid if you think they won't turn around and cheat on you the second they see someone else they want. I never thought my ex-fiance was the cheating kind but I was proven to be very wrong (more on that story here and here). I used to wait for the other shoe to drop so I could see her get her karmic kick in the ass but I've long since abandoned that line of thinking. I do believe what goes around comes around but not always in the same lifetime. And really, it wouldn't make me feel...happy or any other emotion to see something bad happen to her. I'd never wish bad things on anyone. But I don't wish her well. And I kinda wish I'd suspected something was going on so I coulda been on 'Cheaters' ;p
