Having never been married I can't put my finger on what it is about that piece of paper that changes so much in a relationship. One friend suggested it may be the way marriage is defined by society while another thought it might be that marriage makes you feel like you're really an adult and brings on many new responsibilities. Maybe it's a little bit of both or maybe it's something else entirely, either way I'm not real anxious to find out for myself (but never say never, right?). Although I do think that some people give up on relationships in general too soon or for petty reasons, I don't think it's a good idea to stay together for the kids just because there isn't a major flaw in the marriage (ie. violence, infidelity). I imagine divorce is traumatic for kids no matter how amicable it is between the parents. I have friends whose parents split when they were kids and others whose parents split when they were adults and whether it was amicable or traumatic, they all agree that it affected them in some way. We're programmed to want the happy family life which means we want our parents to be together.
Kids know so much more than what you tell them, they can read between the lines and I believe they'll know whether or not you're truly happy. Also, if you decide to stick it out for them, what does that really mean? If divorce is rough no matter how old they are, then isn't a commitment to stay together for the kids a commitment to stay unhappily together until you die? Those who say you should try and make it work claim that children of divorce have trouble adjusting to two different worlds and families and ultimately struggle with questions about themselves as they grow up. But...don't the majority of us deal with that anyway? I mean, no one is born knowing who they are or who they're meant to become, right? We all learn as we go along, that's what life is about. I think it's less about marriage and divorce and more about stability and maturity and showing your kids that you're never gonna stop loving them and that you'll always feel a certain way about their mother or father because you share this amazing little person.
Everyone has the right to be happy with someone and everybody makes mistakes and doesn't get it right on the first try. People who say that if you have kids you should be forced to remain in a marriage get on my last damn nerve. Some marriages are a mistake and yes we have to live with our mistakes but sometimes, even if no one cheats or knocks you around, it really is better for the kids that you get out of that situation. Actually, it's also probably a valuable life lesson for them because it gives you a chance to explain to them that some things don't work out the way you plan in life but that that's okay. I'm not gonna lie, it's gonna be tricky as hell to bring new people into the lives of your kids (as I am now learning) even if they do get along with each other. But part of being a parent is teaching your kids what a functional relationship is and what's functional about not being in love anymore but sticking it out because it's (supposedly) what's best for the kid? I mean, it's not like you can date while you're still living with your spouse, even if you're not together in that way anymore. How would you explain that one to your kids? I don't know, the whole thing seems like a very bad idea to me. I know that kids change a lot of stuff in relationships but I think if you wouldn't stay in the relationship without kids then you really shouldn't stay in it just because of the kids. And I wonder how many people actually buy this crap and raise their kids in that situation.
