Some days my teenager would try what little patience I have while other days she would come so damn close to resembling a mature adult that it was scary. Why this wild swing between the two sides? Who knows, maybe it's something in the teen DNA. But I'm proud to say that no matter what boy she was fawning over or friend drama she got into, she never lost sight of her long term goal to study film in college. Film is a tricky business to both get into and stay into and because you typically go where the work is, it can also be rough financially. But like anything else, if you love it enough you'll stay the course and do everything you can to get to where you want to be. The hard part is trying to get there without letting your morals get shoved to the back of the bus by your ambition. And that's so difficult to do in a business where everyone will scratch your back if you scratch theirs, especially if you're new to the game. I've been in that position where what you want to do is so close you can taste it and you either give up a little of yourself to make it or you don't, knowing that you may never get another shot like that again.
All of that is what my former film mentors wanted me to explain to their high school students yesterday. And it's what I had planned to explain but that whole terrified speaking in front of a crowd thing took over and I stumbled my way through some of what I wanted to say. I wasn't even sure they were paying attention at first, then I noticed quite a few of the girls were staring at me which only made me more nervous. (A friend later told me they were possibly undressing me with their eyes). Then their teacher opened up the floor for questions and I was completely sure only half of them were listening, not that I blame 'em since I was so lousy at explaining myself. Among the questions I got; 'Do you know anyone from the Twilight movies?', 'Is [insert actress or actor name here] really hot in person?', and my personal favorite, 'Are you married?' which was followed by, 'Are you dating anybody?' before one of my mentors decided only film related questions would be allowed.
Is it just me or are teenage girls these days more...I mean, I think they have more balls than the girls did when I was in high school. Not just cuz of those last two questions but also because I'm pretty sure one of them was waiting for me to leave for lunch so she could talk to me without a teacher around. I was a little sad to see that only two or three of the kids in these classes actually seemed to have a passion for what they were studying. The rest seemed to be there because it was a four hour session that gave them credit towards graduation they would have otherwise only attained by sitting through an English class. I remember when I was studying film there, every single one of my classmates was completely into what we were doing and it made all of our film shoots so much fun. But I also noticed that at least one of the kids who was really into film would be eaten alive if he ventured out there today, which he wants to do next year after he graduates high school.
So yeah I choked and I once again know for sure that public speaking and teaching are not for me. I realized later that I didn't do well in the eye contact department, which the same friend who made the undressing comment says is probably a good thing because teenage girls and their hormones could've taken it the wrong way (as if they needed another reason to ask me more personal questions). The good news is that I've been invited back by my mentors to help out the kids when they shoot some of their future film projects and I'm looking forward to it because I think I could give them a better idea of what to expect by showing them, rather than telling them. Maybe some will get more into the process than they are now. It'd be kinda cool if I had a hand in that.
