I've been accused in past relationships of being overly sensitive which I think has screwed up how I handle some things. I don't consider that to be a flaw at all and I'm not looking to change it. I'd rather feel too much than not feel enough. It's not like I cry at Hallmark commercials or something. I'm talking more about my taking a comment or criticism too personally (supposedly). It doesn't happen as often as it used to cuz honestly I just don't care as much as I used to. But recently I've discovered another side effect of this sensitivity business. I've never been one to get really down over someone else's plight. I can empathize but then I move on. But the past year or so, that has completely changed. Now hearing stories about earthquakes in Japan and people losing family members in tragic accidents kinda eat at me. But here's the thing, it's only certain people and events that do that to me. Sometimes it goes deeper and I get angry about stuff. That's what motivated me to help out in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. These people were getting NO help from their own government, yet the government was patting themselves on the back for a job well done. That pissed me off so I turned my anger into something better and helped build houses (which I still do when I get the chance, it's been a wonderful experience).
But not everything that affects me in this way can be helped or changed. You can't change people's pasts, no matter how much you might want to. I had an awesome childhood and sometimes I forget how lucky I was until I hear others talk about their rough upbringings. Just hearing what some people had to go through as kids pisses me off. That's the one time you're supposed to be protected and loved and carefree and have parents who would do anything for you. In a perfect world. Inevitably that kind of upbringing affects you in some way. I've thought about that a lot lately. Maybe it's pointless to think about it so much or let it piss me off, what's done is done, but I can't help it. I don't like when the people I care about get hurt, past or present. Even if they've dealt or are dealing with it, that doesn't make it right. Some things never change, I've always been very protective of the people I love.
Growing up I witnessed firsthand what a bad family environment is. The woman I considered my aunt who died on Christmas Eve was a mother of four. She also had drug problems and an abusive husband. Her own upbringing was the stuff you see in movies, the youngest of four girls whose father doted on them but did not spoil them and a mother who was incredibly strong and giving. Unfortunately she did not continue the stable environment with her own family. Her two oldest kids were taken away and put in a foster home after she was arrested for drugs and sent to jail. They were abused while in the foster home and custody was given back to their mother after she got clean. Dad was in and out of jail yet they managed to have two more kids, one born addicted to crack. I was 10 when I met these kids for the first time, they were ages 7 months to 7-years-old. I remember holding the youngest one for the first time when the car we were in got stuck in the snow. I remember teaching he and his older sister their alphabet and colors. A few years after we met their dad got sent up for a long stretch of time and mom took up with another guy. He was the nicest dude 75% of the time; played with the kids, treated mom well, but that other 25% was awful. I don't know if he hit her but I know he hit the kids and she just let it happen.
The situation sucked but I was a kid and there was nothing I could do. It sucks even more now to realize that you still can't do anything sometimes. You get the family you get. Those kids of course grew up to find themselves in self-destructive relationships and none have found their footing. If they don't break the cycle, which is unlikely, their kids will continue the negativity that's happening now. And three of the four (none over age 21, the youngest 15) already have kids. Yet others who have terrible upbringings rise above and become amazing parents committed to giving their kids everything they didn't get but wish they had. I hope in the long run their kids appreciate that and realize what it took for their parent to be able to do that for them. They broke the cycle and I can't imagine how difficult an upbringing like that was.
