Pre-Nup. Almost everyone has a reaction to those two words. Some people are vehemently against them because it supposedly shows that you're not in it for love. Others say it's a necessity if you have anything because you need to protect yourself. Suze Orman (oh yes I do watch her but mostly for the 'Can I Afford It?' segment where people call in to ask to buy the most ridiculous things) says that whether or not you have anything you should get one because you never know what wealth you could come into and money corrupts. And she's a millionaire so I'm gonna go with her advice. Face it folks, when you get right down to it, engagement is a verbal agreement and marriage is a contract. If you were signing a contract for anything else you would want some kind of protection, right? This is no different but people don't see it that way because they're blinded by the love angle. But the number one thing that couples fight about is money. Add in a nasty break-up and things can get really ugly. And almost half of people who have one marriage behind them say they would definitely get a pre-nup the second time around.
The first time I ever talked about a pre-nup with anybody was when I became engaged in 2005. The fiancee had a successful career and assets and I hadn't done too bad for myself either. Neither of us were millionaires obviously but people on both of our sides suggested it would be a good idea to protect what we did have. A month before what was supposed to be our wedding we went to see a lawyer to set the whole thing up. It was simple; if there were to be a divorce both parties would exit the marriage with whatever they entered the marriage with. Basically, what was hers was hers and what was mine was mine. There was no drama, no questions about how we really felt (though in hindsight, there shoulda been questions about why we were really getting married). We both understood it was a means of protection and, when you love somebody, you want them to be as protected and safe as possible. If I ever were to venture down the marriage path again I would totally get a pre-nup, especially because I now have a child to protect. But I understand that I'm in an industry where pre-nups are standard and someone outside my industry might not grasp that.
A more simple example of a pre-nupless marriage gone wrong is a member of my extended family. So much was wrong with his relationship with this woman so I'm gonna focus on the marriage part to keep it short. He has a daughter and a step-daughter and his own successful business. She has a son and a huge jealous streak (red flag) and worked as a stripper (I'm not knocking strippers, mind you). His daughter could not stand this woman and the feeling was completely mutual (red flag) but he moved her and her son in anyway. Two months later she's pregnant and they decide to elope. After hearing they got married his parents urge him to get a post-nup to protect both his kids and his business. He brings it up to his new wife and she flat out refuses to sign one (red flag) and threatens to disappear with their child if he tries to force her to sign one. Now they're embroiled in a nasty divorce where she's asking for half of everything he's ever made in his life (she claims it was his idea to get married, so she should get half) and she'll likely get it because they have a child together. They were married a grand total of 2 months.
In the end I guess it depends on the two people involved in the relationship. But I don't think wanting to protect yourself should be taken to mean that you see the marriage ending someday. Everybody knows that half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce but few people go into a marriage hoping it'll go sour and they can cash in. But in the beginning it's all love and butterflies and not being able to wait to share your life together. (Btw, why do people say your life together starts post-marriage? Most people are well into the swing of sharing their lives before they take that walk). Nobody thinks about what could go wrong and how people get greedy and mean at the end of a relationship.
