I have been incredibly blessed in the friends department. Some I've known forever, literally since birth or my first year of school. Others came into my life much later, in high school and in my 20's. Not all are best friends of course and many of us have had break ups and make ups of many kinds. All of my friends know this is a rough month for me but the closest of them know exactly how to try and cheer me up and when I need to be cheered up.Last week wasn't very difficult for me because I threw myself into planning my daughter's party. But since then...it's been touch and go. Last year, April flew by because I had a number of other things going on and was preoccupied. I'd hoped this April would be the same way but that's not turning out to be the case. I can't explain how I feel other than to say it's generally unwell. I space out during the day (something I NEVER do) and I have trouble sleeping at night. It's not the worst thing ever but it's also not a feeling I would wish on anybody. It sucks.
A few days ago a friend I hadn't seen in awhile appeared at my door with plans to take my mind off what's troubling me. Our friendship has always fluctuated between best friends and not speaking and somewhere in between because we've both battled some similar issues and we're very much alike. But out of everyone I know, he's the slickest dude when it comes to trying to get me to talk about stuff. It's very subtle, I don't know how he does it. Sometimes it's annoying as hell cuz before you realize what he's doing, you've already started spilling your guts. But the good thing about all this is that he also knows when to let up. And that was exactly what I needed the other night. The door is still wide open if I feel like talking and he always makes it clear that, should I choose to talk about it, it would never be a burden for him to listen. I know most of my friends feel the same way but I still feel like I'm burdening them sometimes.
Yesterday another friend I hadn't seen in forever (aka Groomzilla) also came around to see how I was doing. He is the complete opposite of Friend #1 in the 'do you wanna talk about it?' department. He doesn't care if you want to talk, he's going to try and make you talk. And it is surprisingly not annoying at all that he does this. It's always the way he's been so maybe I'm just used to it by now. He'll come blowing through and try and force some convos but if you say you don't wanna talk about it, he lets it go. If you say you're 'fine', he pounces and gets on you until you talk about it. He does sound very annoying and pushy and he's a very rough looking dude (tattoos, piercings, crazy hair) but he's one of the nicest people I know. Total pushover who would do anything for anybody.
Tonight I was the one doing the reaching out to Friend #3 (better known on Facebook as my "wife"). I had a very weird feeling about what might or (more likely) might not happen this weekend. It's not a huge deal but, as I tend to do, I freaked out about it. And as she has so many times before, she talked me down. Then she made me laugh. And I feel better now, though still a little unsure. Why she puts up with me, I have no idea but I'm thankful she does. I'm thankful for everybody who chooses to put up with me actually. Cuz I know some days it ain't easy. I'm moody and stubborn and a whole host of other things, probably even more so this time of year. But these people stick around and stick it out and take on all my issues and constantly tell me how much they love me, even when I am not in the mood to hear it. That's important. And rare. And I am a lucky, lucky boy.
