Two days ago my 9-year-old nephew walked into the bathroom to get a band-aid and found his father lying on the floor next to an empty vodka bottle. Apparently my brother mixed his seizure medication with alcohol, which he knew he was not supposed to do, and it almost killed him. Whether it was intentional or an accident is still up for debate but my gut feeling is that it was most likely the former. I'm pissed off at him for even putting himself in that position but also because his son is the one that found him. He's barely there for his kids the past three years and now the oldest one has to be traumatized by finding his father half dead on the floor. How fucking selfish can you be? I don't even wanna talk to him right now cuz he's not going to listen to or like what I have to say so why waste my breath?
As I deal with my brother issues, I find a handful of my friends are in the same boat - all of us trying to make sense of the decisions of our younger siblings. One is dealing with a brother (the only dude in a family of women, I feel your pain) who's making terrible choices when it comes to custody of his two sons, painting his family into a corner about whether or not to defend him to his crazy ex-wife. Another has a sibling who has gone AWOL and spat in the face of his family who have done everything to try and get him (and keep him) on the straight and narrow. The best friend is having to deal with her mother's terminal illness on her own since her sister has decided to run away and avoid the entire situation. And then there's my brother's ("alleged") suicide attempt. As one of these friends (who is a big fan of the acronyms) would say, "Double U. Tee. Eff?". Is it like in the youngest sibling handbook that you're allowed to fuck up however you want cuz those who came before you will clean up your mess? Obviously not every youngest sibling follows such a pattern, my mom is the baby of a gang of kids and has never gone off the rails (well, unless you count that one drunken night that resulted in our birth).
I've always been considered a middle child in my family, my sister is two minutes older than me and my brother is 15 months younger than both of us. Growing up, my sister and brother were very much alike and I was the wild card but we always got along. These days my sister and I are alike and my brother is the one everyone has to worry about. I feel like my brother is exploiting his youngest sibling status. And I'm pretty sure he thinks I shouldn't rag on him about his "breakdown" because of what I went through myself in my early and mid-20's. But he can't compare the two at all in my opinion. I was a single dude without kids who was really only fucking up my own life and relationships. He's a married father of two (if barely) and every decision he makes affects his wife and children. I have no idea how to hammer home that he's not a kid anymore and he needs to wake up and realize what he has and accept responsibility for himself.
So, aside from throwing all four siblings in a room and staging a mass intervention, what are the options to make them see that change is the only option? Hell if I know. I think they're all just addicted to the drama and there's really no reason to end that dependence because as long as they're fucking up, everyone in the family is focused on them. They could give a fuck about the feelings of their moms, dad, sisters or brothers and they're oblivious to the fallout from their actions. The entire family's relationships suffer and people turn on each other because they're so frustrated about the situation. And the case for change is completely unappealing cuz it would take the spotlight off of them if they were to behave themselves and be adults. That's the maddening part of all this is that they are adults so there's really not much anyone can do to force their hands. But take it from one who has been in the position of fucking up and not caring before, if you don't commit to changing it's not gonna end well. Eventually you will burn bridges you can never rebuild. But I hope it doesn't come to that for anyone mentioned in this post.
