I had a bad fucking day. And then someone I was very much looking forward to talking to, one of the few redeeming things about this day, apparently wasn't looking forward to talking to me. We barely got the chance to talk all day, then they went out but said it shouldn't be a late night. So I stayed up and stayed out of trouble thinking we were gonna talk. Six hours later they text saying they're on their way home. Fine, I'm on a call and once you're home I'll hang up with them and call you. But no. Fifteen minutes later I get some random text saying, 'are we not gonna talk' and then, 'are you gonna call me', as if they've been waiting around for hours. Wtf? 'About to go home' means you're on your way home, and I've been texted that before from them and they didn't actually get home until an hour later so I always tack on more time to texts like that. I'm not a fucking mind reader, I don't instantly know when you've arrived home and you're waiting for me to call. And it's not like you don't have my number. If you're available and ready to talk, dial it. I hang up on my call, immediately call this other person and no answer. It was THREE MINUTES from the time they texted me, to the time their phone was ringing. Never an answer. I wouldn't be so upset and feel so rejected if my day hadn't sucked so bad. All this after a pretty good and uplifting, albeit brief, conversation last night. Whatever.
One thing I am thankful for tonight though is people who actually keep their phones on. I was supposed to go to a get together for my cousin's birthday tonight but opted out. (Partly because of my depression and partly because I wanted to be home to talk to the aforementioned person.) I also thought about hanging out with some friends for awhile but just was not in the mood. I haven't been in the mood for much of anything lately. What's the point? Nothing seems to be going right the past few days anyway. And I'm exhausted from being sick the past week. That's likely only gonna get worse since I'm going to start treatment of some kind next week (good news is insurance will probably cover it). There's just a lot going on and a lot of weight on my shoulders right now. Writing doesn't help, the best friend and I still aren't talking and I don't wanna bother anyone else with the stuff going through my head because it would just prompt constant worry about what my state of mind is. So I texted an old friend, just to see if they were still awake and willing to listen to my babble. And I rambled for a good hour. I typically feel bad when I ramble to someone because my problems are my problems and I shouldn't be putting them off on someone else. But tonight it was okay. I do feel a little bit better. Still majorly down but a bit better. I guess that's something.
