This entire conversation perfectly illustrates why my being laid up on the couch sick is a bad, bad, baaaad idea. Although, had I not been, we may not have had this hilarious exchange...Nah, we still woulda at some point. Because these are the conversations we have.
(A key: "BJ" is the fake company we've created and talk about taking global someday. And yes, it's as ridiculous as it sounds. And no, "BJ" doesn't stand for what you think, they're our initials.
"Fonzie" is a reference to an episode of Family Guy.
"Assmerica" came from my typo the other day and we've run with it.)
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W: Oh god maybe I need prozac like the wife. I asked her where she was and she tells me she's at some fool's house.
Me: Sounds like she needs the prozac. And some condoms
W: Prozac, condoms and red velvet cupcakes. Make. It. Happen. Husband.
Me: LOL. Tthis is why I married you. We love all the same things!
W: LMAO! I love you. That's the best laugh I've had all day and Fonzie knows I've needed it.
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Me: We could be like Sonny and Cher. But with fewer pairs of buttless chaps.
W: Lol um, It's less putting up with you and more loving you enough to figure out how to give you space and still help you come out on the other side
W: lol And bring on the assless chaps!
Me: lol I move that BJ's first charity event be 'Assless Chaps for Assmerica'
W: An 'Assless chap on every ass and a chicken in every pot' will be our presidential platform! BJ in 2016!
Me: LOL I read, 'an assless chap on every ass and chicken'. Which is also a great idea
W: That's so wrong lol
W: lol that should be a dance. Except the name isn't easy to say. I can imagine the club DJ, 'Alright all you sexy ladies. Lemme see you do the *deep breath* chicken with assless chaps!' *Reggaeton horn*
Me: lol That would be hilarious. All the ladies gettin' down to the assless chicken chap
Me: 'Shorty dropped it like an assless chicken chap'
W: LOL 'Teach me how to assless chicken chap, teach me, teach me how to assless chicken chap!'
Me: LOL
W: 'Party rock! Everyday I'm assless chicken chappin!'
Me: lol We be big pimpin', assless chicken chapping with me
W: LOL 'Rollin down the street in assless chicken chaps, sippin on gin and juice'
Me: LOL Yes!
Me: With my mind on my poultry and my poultry on my mind
W: LOL!!
W: Omg all this entertainment came from you not reading good
Me: Three cheers for illisteracy!
W: Oh god I'm dying!
W: Spelling illiteracy incorrectly LMAO. I'm not even confident that that was on purpose
Me: lol That one was on purpose. For once I do something right
W: That's up there with Assmerica
W: 'We keep spendin most our lives livin in the assless chicken chaps'
Me: If I could turn back time, if I could find a way. I'd give back the assless chicken chaps I stole from you. And you'd stay
W: Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want. So tell me what you want, what you really really want. I wanna I wanna I wanna really really really want assless chicken chaps'
Me: LOL. WELL. DONE.
W: lol thank you, that made it worth all the damn effort
Me: We are a part of the assless chicken chap nation
Me: Oh! Don't stop til you get assless chicken chaps lol
W: YES! I was trying to work it into an MJ song. LOL perfect
W: I'm starting with the assless chicken chaps in the mirror
Me: LOL. Do you remember the time we tried on assless chicken chaps, girl
W: LOL. You've been struck by smooth assless chicken chaps
W: Now I've had the time of my life, no I've never felt this way before. And I swear this is true and I owe it all to assless chicken chaps.
Me: You and I must make a pact. We must wear assless chicken chaps
W: I just can't stop lovin' assless chicken chaps
Me: To the heart and mind, assless chicken chaps are kind
W: All you need is assless chicken chaps
Me: How did you know, cuz I never told. You found out, I bought assless chicken chaps for you
W: I don't want anybody else, when I think about you I touch my assless chicken chaps
Me: LOL. Didn't I almost get in your assless chicken chaps
W: LOL. You're here, there's nothing I fear. And I know that my assless chicken chaps will go on and on
Me: If you like assless chicken chaps, getting caught in the rain
Me: Wasted away again in assless chicken chaps
W: LOL! Yes!
Me: Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming. Or are my assless chicken chaps on fire
W: Time can never mend the careless whisper of a good assless chicken chap
Me: Open up your eyes, then you'll realize, here I stand with my assless chicken chaps
W: I would do anything for love, but I won't do assless chicken chaps
Me: lol Oh can't you see, those assless chicken chaps belong to me
W: Well I guess you'd say what can make me feel this way, my chaps my chaps my chaps. Talking bout my assless chicken chaps
Me: Everything I do, I do for assless chicken chaps
W: In West Philadelphia, born and raised, in assless chicken chaps is where I spent most of my days
Me: Every time you go away, you take assless chicken chaps with you
W: Now you can tell by the way I use my walk, I wear assless chicken chaps. No time to talk
Me: Anyway you want it, that's the way you need it, assless chicken chaps
W: Don't stop believin', hold on to those assless chicken chaps
Me: They told me he was bad, but I knew he was sad. I'll never forget you, assless chicken chaps
Me: I got assless chicken chaps in low places
Me: LOL I just saw an article saying that today was Poultry Day. How fitting.
(The next morning)
W: That was indeed fitting.
W: I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought was 'mind on my poultry and poultry on my mind'.
