Yesterday while having a convo with someone, I inadvertently touched on the subject of having friends of the opposite sex. It's no secret I have a lot of female friends, and it never has been. So of course I'm gonna bring up the women in my life up a lot. And I'm very aware of that. But I don't see a problem with it. It's not like I secretly want to hook up with any of them. But they are a part of my life and I talk to (and, in some cases, deal with) them (and, on some days, their hormones) just about everyday, so yeah they're gonna come up in conversation. I don't know, the convo didn't go anywhere really and the person didn't insinuate anything at all but I felt a little defensive for some reason. I joke about my two wives a lot (my best friend, and another friend) but it's just a joke term, and they do the same. We're not actually hitched, obviously (and we certainly ain't getting any sex, but I hear that's typical of actual marriages anyway). And it takes a lot more than things in common to be in a relationship anyway, or even to attract you to someone. It's not like, 'We both like coffee, let's go get hitched'. There are a lot of other little things that go into it, if that makes sense.
Another thing we talked about was being friends with exes. I used to think it was better to try and stay friends with exes but have since changed my stance. Most of my friendships with exes have fallen by the wayside because everyone's moved on into other things. Almost as if we were in each other's lives as long as we were supposed to be and, when our tour of duty was done, we ventured on with our separate lives. I used to have a habit of becoming friends with someone and THEN sleeping with and/or dating them (but mostly just sleeping with). And it inevitably affected other friendships I had and it got messy and...yeah. So I decided to stop that and ended up dating someone I was not friends with and it worked out well. It was like this brand new thing of actually getting to know someone as I was dating them. And I haven't dated a friend since (slept with...well...we can't change all our spots at once, now can we?).
These days there's only one woman in my life that I had a thing with back in the day. There's like fifteen years between us and our time was more therapy for me than an actual relationship of any kind. And it helped me quite a bit at the time. Her daughter and my daughter are friends, so we'll likely be in each other's lives for awhile. But there's no more attraction on either end. Looking back, most of my girlfriends have had a lot of dudes in their lives and it's never been an issue. I hear occasionally from other exes but usually only when something major happens. I don't know, it is what it is I guess. I'm friendly with a lot of them but I wouldn't actually call us friends. I think I've probably recycled exes as much as any other person. And I think I've outgrown that now since I have no desire to do it anymore. Sometimes my roaring 20's seem like they were so long ago.
All this made me think of a friend who is dating someone with less experience than her in the dating department. When they first got together she mentioned that he told her he doesn't want to know anything about her dating and sexual past. I don't know if he meant ever or just for the foreseeable future, but apparently it works for them and that's what's important. I don't think I could do that though. I mean, of course I don't want all the gory details about the past of someone I'm dating, as I'm sure they wouldn't want all the gory details about mine. But to be completely in the dark like that would bother me a bit, just because I think you should be able to talk about whatever you want/need with the person you love. My friends and I joke about my being a former manwhore, and it's...kinda accurate, but not really. I've dated (and sometimes that word has just meant "hooked up with" for me) a fair amount of women but 99% of it has been responsible and safe. And anything about all of that has always been a subject I'm willing to talk about, if the other person needs to know any of it. It may be uncomfortable but sometimes it can be a good thing. I don't know where I'm going with this (I'm tired ya'll), other than to say that I'd never want anyone to wonder about the other's friendships with the opposite sex. Or about where they've been in the past.
