I'm tired. What else is new? I'm always tired these days. But hopefully things start looking up after treatment and I won't be (as) tired anymore. Until then, it would appear that my days will sort of ebb and flow. I'm not sure how much of my feeling crappy is anemia, how much of it is the state of my life in general and how much is this mini-bug I've managed to pick up over the past week. It's like the perfect storm of stress and unwellness, during an already stressful time. So how am I handling it all? Not well. Or just well enough. I haven't decided yet.
I got a text a week ago from a friend I hadn't heard from in at least two years. I've known the dude since we were like 5 and, except for the few years I got sent up to Catholic school, we were classmates all our lives. I'm not altogether sure how we lost touch, I think it was after college. He stayed behind and I moved on and we kept in touch for awhile but stuff got crazy. Eventually it just became sporadic texts or emails and then we'd both go MIA for months or years at a time. It occurred to me last week when I got his text that a lot of the distance (if not all of it) is my fault. He's always been good about texting and leaving messages and keeping the channel open but I've sometimes been less than receptive. Why? Because it's a tie to the past. Mostly it's a tie to our childhood and our high school years, which were amazing but make me sad to think about nowadays. He was there for a lot of important stuff during our teen years. When my sister and I were about 16, we had a major life change and had to move and the whole thing gave mom terrible anxiety. She suddenly needed to know where we were at all times and wouldn't let us go out as much. But she trusted this particular friend and let us hang with him. And we took advantage of it. He'd come by and pick us up, then we'd pick up our significant others and all go hang out together. Good times. GREAT times, actually. That's the kind of stuff I go back to when we talk, which is why we don't talk much. And he's not the only one from that time that I've unintentionally severed contact with, but he's one of the only people who continues to stick around when I'm being a less than good friend. It took me a week but I finally texted him back today and we talked for a few. He and his partner want to come to my neck of the woods this summer to hang out for awhile. It'd be the first time I've seen him since...I don't know when. And it would be...good but also very stressful. He's one of those people though that would do anything for you, whenever you need it, even if he hasn't heard from you in forever. And those are good people.
The other night I was talking to a college friend who also tends to resurface at just the right times. Her niece is about to turn 22 and is in college herself and has decided not to go on spring break, choosing instead to get a jump on next semester's classes. My friend, a bit of a wild child during college, is trying to convince her otherwise. Not because she wants to get her in trouble but because she just turned 30 and is realizing that you never have as much time as you think you do for the fun and carefree stuff. I've tried to tell my teenager the same thing; that you'll never get your college days back so enjoy them while you can. Whether or not she actually listens to me, I'll never know. But this friend was talking about how she thought she'd be in a totally different place in her life when she turned 30 (don't we all), and the fact that she's not in that place scared the hell out of her for a minute. Until she realized that her life has taken (or, in her case, not yet taken) the turns that its meant to. Now she's realizing that it's kind of empowering to be in the position she's in now. I've come to a similar revelation recently myself. I've always known everything is for a reason but I guess it's taken on all new meaning of late.
