I've written before (although I'm too lazy to look for the post) about abusive relationships and how I don't understand them. Growing up, a woman I considered my aunt tolerated an abusive husband and, after he was sent to prison for other crimes, an abusive boyfriend. The boyfriend not only knocked her around, he hit the kids too and she let it happen. Eventually she and the boyfriend broke up, the husband was released from prison and she took him back for awhile. When that ended again, she took all four kids and moved to another part of the country and seemed to be doing okay (by her standards anyway), even though two of her kids already had kids of their own. She died on Christmas Eve a few years ago from an overdose (unintentional) and the kids have all been adrift ever since. Her decision to stay in those terrible relationships has affected them terribly and will affect them and their kids the rest of their lives. I can't stand to think about it sometimes because all of those kids had such potential, but I guess this is an example of children learning what they live.
Contrast that situation and story with the one of my aunts who left her husband the first time he laid a hand on her. Nobody in the family ever cared for the dude, but she got knocked up and decided to marry him anyway. They had a son, and a daughter followed three years later. Not even a year after they had their daughter he came home drunk one night and made a big deal out of something minor and she got upset. They argued and then he slapped her across the face. It took her all of two seconds to recover from the shock of it but once she did, she kicked him right in the cojones and grabbed the kids and left. The next day she filed for divorce. No one ever heard from him again and she's gone on to live a much better life without him. Her kids grew up to be pretty damn good adults; one is in law school and the other one is married and working on her Master's in psychology. Thankfully they were too young to remember any of it and are much better off because their mother chose to take herself out of a bad situation.
Up until college, those were my only examples of abuse in a relationship and it's always interested me to see how different people handle it. My best friend and I went home for the summer after our first year of college. She'd met this dude she kinda liked and they were hanging out for a few weeks but it wasn't anything serious for her. He apparently thought differently and somehow found out she was also hanging out with other dudes. He showed up to hang with us one night and you could tell he was peeved about something but he didn't say anything about it so we didn't ask. We decided to go out, but the boy toy convinced the best friend to stay behind with him for awhile. A few hours later, those of us who did go out headed back to our apartment and I knocked on the door to her room and she told me to go away. I could tell she was upset so I didn't go away and, after I incessantly inquired about what was wrong, she finally let out that he'd gotten physical with her after we'd left. Nothing really serious (lucky for him) but he'd pushed her and put his fist through a wall behind her head. I wanted to kill the dude, I was so livid. She kept trying to calm me down and said she kicked him out but didn't want to make a big deal out of it, she just wanted to move on. I didn't sleep that night and the next day I confronted the dude and, without laying a hand on him, let him know it would be in his best interest not to call or come around her anymore. And he never did. I don't know what would've happened had he not listened to me, but it wouldn't have been good.
A friend told me recently about an acquaintance of hers who was harmed physically by the dude she's dating. From what I hear, she's fallen completely into the victim mentality already. "I shouldn't have upset him, I know he has a temper", "Do you think I should text him and apologize?". It's just sickening. If a dude lays a hand on you in that way once, he will do it again. Hell, it's not even just dudes, chicks can do the same thing. So I guess the point is anyone who hits you or is aggressive with you once will without question do it again. And you're likely not the first one they've done it to either. That kind of behavior repeats and those that perpetrate such behavior learn to seek out people they know will not tell or will not leave even after things turn violent. The majority of the women in my life (and maybe all of them actually) are the types who would never tolerate violence of any kind in a relationship. If a dude even thought about taking a swing at any one of them, the cops would never find the guy's body. Growing up we were always told you don't lay your hands on someone you love in that manner, EVER. Maybe that's why I just don't get it.
