Marriage. For all of my negative views on, I can admit there are upsides. If you're lucky, you marry your best friend and grow at the same rate and everything works out. But if you rush into it...well, then you kinda get what's coming to you methinks. Example: A friend of mine has never been fully on board with one of her best friend's having rushed into marriage. Each of them had a kid, yet they got hitched six weeks after meeting. There's little wrong with such a whirlwind romance when it only involves two people. If it doesn't work out, you've each only screwed up your own life. But with kids I feel like you should take as much time as possible to acclimate everybody to what's on the horizon. My ex-girlfriend is the product of a blended family and her father took a good three years to make sure the woman he wanted to marry (her mom) would fit in with his four older children and treat them as her own. Nearly twenty years after they split, she still spends time with her step-children and their children. He remarried again recently and they don't speak much but, for the most part, they are still one big, happy, blended family. And that's my model for the future (minus the divorces, obviously). I never want there to be a divide between my daughter and any future siblings she might have. I feel like the possibility of that divide skyrockets the sooner you get hitched and the whirlwind thing is usually...well, a whirlwind. Everyone has to adjust on the fly and kids aren't great with that. Adults don't always do well with change either. The six weekers are now pregnant and starting a business together but fight constantly about petty things. Not just innocent, newlywed arguments but big blowouts over whatever Mr. Six Week deems to be the topic of the day. I'm not sure if that's just the way he is; a jealous jackass who wants to control everything, or if he's having second thoughts about having rushed in and this is his way of trying to push her out. Either way, it's not a good thing and will become an even worse thing if it's not fixed by the time the baby arrives.
I think DMC was headed into a similar situation as the six weekers are in, although without the whirlwind. He and his now ex-fiance have known each other about eight years. She was exiting a bad marriage when they met and that's part of the reason they waited so long to get together. But once they did start dating, his thoughts almost immediately turned towards marriage and kids. I've always believed that he wants those things so badly because he did not have them growing up. He's always been borderline obsessed with doing things "right". Sometimes he reminds me of Christian Bale in "American Psycho", only without the murder and threesomes (at least to my knowledge there has been no murder, I KNOW there have been no threesomes). He's very put together but when you really delve deep into brain, you see that he's just as hot a mess as the rest of us. (I used to think we butted heads so much because his "right" mentality was the opposite of everything in my lifestyle, but now I know it's just because he's a judgmental prick.) His intended always told him that she really didn't want to get married again but he always pushed for it. Half a dozen times he told us they were going to get hitched...she just didn't know it yet. Half a dozen times we told him to slow his roll. He never did. He proposed at Christmas and she assumed that meant she had a few years to acclimate to the idea of getting married again. Instead, he took that to mean she was ready and fast tracked them towards a wedding date. Reluctantly, she went through with it and they did the official marriage thing early in the month. Last weekend was supposed to be the real wedding and reception. "Supposed" being the key word.
The wedding date was pushed back a day due to a bad snowstorm delaying the bride's family. Then, DMC and I had our falling out, which she overheard. I guess she was under the impression that our battle was a two-way kinda thing and that I gave as good as I got when it came to the hurtful digs. Hearing him lay into me that way and say those things so easily made her really think twice about what the future might hold. She began to think about what would happen if they had a son or a daughter who inherited my rebellious spirit. Would he talk to them the same way? Point out flaws and prey on insecurities in order to make his point? She couldn't be sure. And once she got that thought into her head, every other question she had about the relationship came to the surface. She called it off the day before and he was literally the last person to know. Rather than handle it like a gentleman, he proceeded to unleash a verbal tirade on her that you probably could've heard all the way down the block. It wasn't said out of hurt or anything either. He was being mean just to be mean. And with that, they were over. Being the jackass that he is, he proceeded to take her over the coals on every form of social media available to him. No one is speaking to him right now because he was so awful to her. And, perhaps tellingly, the lack of a wedding has caused zero ripple effect amongst the clan. We all knew it was probably coming at some point. It's just fortunate that she got out before there were any kids involved. But it's unfortunate it had to end in such ugly fashion.
