Things do not makes us happy. People do. Possessions are quite meaningless in the end, you really can't take them with you. What you take with you into your next life are the things you learned in this one, the relationships you built. That is what makes you truly happy and grows you as a person and stays with you through the ages. I've never really been all that materialistic. I'm quite content to not have the latest toys. I enjoy things (who doesn't?) but they are not the be all and end all. My friends and I used to joke that we'd be the lowest tech seniors in the retirement home, shunning bionic bodies and life extending technology in favor of living out our days in old wheelchairs, screwing with the staff for our own amusement. After E was diagnosed with cancer again, that joke was no longer funny. Never could we have imagined that not all of us would make it to that retirement home. Tonight, I feel like we are closer than we've ever been to losing E. He's been in and out of the hospital for months now, having bad and not as bad days and even the occasional good day. But this feels different. This feels terrifying. Every trip prior to this one has been for things the doctors were expecting; relatively minor medical issues that could be life threatening to him if not treated quickly. But this...is not good. None of it is good but this is awful. None of us know what to do. Not that there's anything we can do. But wait. And hope for good news. And brace for not good news. It's awful to lose someone suddenly without warning but it is torture to watch someone...I can't even finish that sentence.