I was all prepared to write a post about a documentary I watched recently regarding colorism within the African-American community. The main point the doc was making is that lighter-skinned African-Americans are more accepted and, for lack of a better word, wanted than dark-skinned African-Americans. It talked about people hoping their children come out lighter so they will be more accepted and showed an interview with a little girl, around 10-years-old, who is miserable and thinks she's ugly because her skin tone is dark. Can you imagine? Not liking who you are because society tells you that you're "too dark"? Poor kid. Her mother and siblings were lighter-skinned and made it a point to tell her on a daily basis how beautiful she is so that she can hopefully break free of the eons old stigma that she's less attractive because she's darker. They also showed a test given to younger kids about race, which I remember also catching a glimpse of on a news network awhile back. They showed these kids, of all different colors, a piece of paper that had six little cutouts of children on them. The cutouts were of various skin tones, ranging from very dark to very white. They asked the kids simple questions like, "Which one of these do you think is smarter?" and, "Which one of these is beautiful?" and then followed up by asking them to explain their choices. More often than not, the kids chose the lighter-skinned cutouts as being smarter and better looking. When asked why, most gave a simple answer - "because they're light/white". And that's just so disappointing. This is an effed up world. We consider darker skin to be better looking, as long as it's not too dark. They talked to dudes in the movie about their preferences when it came to dating and some liked white women, some like black women, but only a few liked darker skinned black women. You can't help who you're attracted to but I wonder how much of it has to do with the stigma.
Rather than write an entire post on the doc, an interesting conversation with a close friend has taken me in a different direction. She asked me about the Paula Deen saga because she's missed most of the coverage the past week or so. I admit, I've always liked her but I can't tell if she's genuinely apologetic about what happened or if she's just trying to save what remains of her rapidly crumbling empire, thanks to her clueless team releasing botched apology videos every day. And the real kicker is that it all could've gone away in short order had she just said, "Hey y'all, I'm from the old South and was raised with that word and mentality but it has no place in today's society and I regret saying it.". That's it. Apologies will get you everywhere in the media if they're sincere. The problem is that the geniuses running her damage control thought she was so beloved that they could half-ass an apology and just skim over the issue. Shockingly, that did not work out well. Why? Because people don't skim over anything when it involves race. I hear she's hired the real life Olivia Pope now to run her damage control but it's probably too late for that. But I'm not sure I believe the picture that's being painted of her as a racist monster. Notice that these lawsuits being filed that talk about how awfully racist she was towards employees are coming AFTER that deposition tape was released, and years after they actually are alleged to have happened. That's always suspicious. I saw an article talking about the P.D. situation that said something along the lines of, "So she used the 'N' word, who hasn't?". Uh, I haven't. I've never used that word, not even when singing along to a song that uses it. And it's never been a question to me as to whether or not to use it, I was raised to believe that word is off-limits in all situations. Of course now I find it even more offensive because my daughter is African-American, but I still think there is no reason for anyone, no matter what color they are, to use it. The person I was having this convo with has also never used it. In fact, while describing a situation to me in which the 'N' word was being used quite frequently, she went out of her way not to use the actual word. I asked my mom about the situation and she said she's never liked that word, not even as a child when it was more widely used. Even a few of my great aunts, who are about the same age as Paula Deen, have never used the word before. So clearly, not everyone has used it.
The 'N' word is a major thing in Hip Hop culture and a major bone of contention in society. And when you think about it, that's interesting. No other ethnic group freely uses offensive words the way the 'N' word is used. Forgive the language, but white folks don't call themselves 'crackers' and Latinos don't refer to themselves as 'wetbacks'. The same is true of most other ethnic groups when it comes to racial epithets about themselves. I'm not sure if it's because we've decided as individual cultures not to use those words because we find them so offensive or what, but those terms are not thrown around the way the 'N' word is. On the one hand, I understand some people believe that freely using that word is a way of "taking it back" and changing the meaning. But there are still a number of people, of all colors, who find it offensive. And it will never truly be eradicated unless it is no longer used at all; in music, in film, in everyday conversation. There's always going to be this ongoing debate about it until people stop using it altogether. And maybe that will happen, maybe it won't. I can't stand it when I hear that world hurled around. My daughter is mixed but is darker than I am and there's no question as to whether or not she's African-American when you look at her (her hair gives her away). I don't want her to grow up in a world where she has to hear that on the subway or while waiting in line at the store. There's no reason for it. And hopefully in her lifetime, it will stop being used.
