Tis the season for my family to have their traditional Thanksgiving meal. Or, as it's come to be known round these parts, our traditional Thanksgiving drama. I don't know why it's that way for us. Maybe because this is the first time during the year when everybody is home at the same time. Whatever the reason, Thanksgiving has taught us all to appreciate the little things. Such as, sitting down to eat before 8PM. Or not having to go to the ER with a family member who fell off the roof whilst putting up Christmas lights (also resulting in an 8PM dinnertime). Or not sitting down to eat in awkwardness after your cousin comes out as a homosexual. Yes, all of these things have actually happened. We've all learned that if anything major is going to happen in this family, it will happen between the last Wednesday in November and the first day of the new year. And this year is full of all kindsa potential for disaster; Crazy Aunt is bringing some random people to dinner that no one has ever heard of. My gay cousin is bringing his on again-off again-on again-off again-on again boyfriend, whom he invited to come to dinner back in October before meeting someone else he considered inviting. My sister's boy toy is on the hot seat about putting a ring on it (again and for real this time). Another aunt is determined to hammer out an agreement in which one of her four children provides her with a grandchild by this time next year (her kids include the gay cousin and the DC cousin who wants to freeze her eggs). My mom is determined to hammer out an agreement in which I agree to take a wife by this time next year (I've already heard the mom sigh followed by, "I just don't know why you won't do this for me" half a dozen times). And, of course, something could always go wrong with the meal. Fun times, indeed.
Some highlights from the trip thus far:
Me: My aunt made cream cheese crunch muffins. Hot. Dayum.
Me: Crazy Aunt said they were "bomb" and my uncle looked at her like, "No...just no"
Friend: lol Are they sweet?
Me: Yeah but not overly sweet. The muffin part is not too sweet and then they have cream cheese in the center and crunch topping with pecans and brown sugar.
Friend: Ooooooh
Me: She made them for Thanksgiving morning so everyone has something to snack on. She doesn't know we're eating them now lol
Friend: LOL. Eat them all and then get everyone to convince her she never made any
Me: lol That's the plan
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Crazy Aunt: Huh. Someone just called from a blocked number and they asked me if I was a 'master baster'...I don't know what that is but I said 'yes'.
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Cousin: Ya'll are so lucky you already procreated. At this rate, mom is gonna arrange a marriage for me just to get a grandkid.
Me: Dude, I procreated and my mom is still on me about getting hitched. There will always be something you're not doing correctly in your mother's eyes. Deal with it.
Cousin 2: WORD. Mine told me I wasn't stirring properly while helping her cook. Like what the fuck is proper stirring?
Me: I don't know but $20 says even if you were doing it, she'd find something else wrong with you
Cousin 2: Yes. Yes she would.
Cousin: I think your mom is by far the sanest of the family.
Me: Are you kidding? The other day in the car she scolded me resembling the grandparents and not her. I didn't even have control over that. Can't win yo.
