Foreign Wisdom

Cousin: I don't know...I'm just all dejected now

Me: I know. But it'll get better.

Cousin: I guess

Me: *sigh* A'ight. I see I'ma have to bring out the big guns...

Me: Now, in your life there will be heartache and pain. And sometimes you don't know if you can face it all again. But you can't stop now because you've traveled so far. To change your lonely life. Liiiife

Cousin: LOL! Dude I sooooo needed that. You're fucking ridiculous and I love you for it

Me: lol Don't thank me. Thank Foreigner for making us all want to know what love is

Cousin: lol The fact that you added the "liiiiife" at the end made it that much better

Me: lol I does what I can

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[Three hours later]

Best Friend: My life sucks. Make me feel better.

Me: It doesn't suck. Lemme tell you something...

Best Friend: *Braces for your eternal wisdom and light*

Me: I know that in your life there has been heartache and pain. And you don't know if you can face it again. But you can't stop now. Why? Because you've traveled too far. In the quest to change this lonely life. And you also can't give up because...I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IIIISSSS. I WANT YOU TO SHOW MEEEEEEE.

Best Friend: LMAO. You bastard, you gave that speech to [cousin] already!

Me: Did it not make you feel better?

Best Friend: ...Maybe

Me: I rest my case

Best Friend: However, there's nothing worse than recycle advice. Especially advice that isn't even a day old lol

Me: Yes there is.

Best Friend: *Braces for your eternal wisdom and light*

Me: I could've copy/pasted my advice like you just did your smartass wisdom comment

Best Friend: LOL. You knew I was gonna copy/paste too, didn't you?

Me: lol Yep. You don't spend 32 years with someone and not learn what a lazy ass they are

Best Friend: lol So true. And so incredibly mutual.
Me: You even got a chorus. I don't hand out choruses to just anybody
Best Friend: Which is ironic since you hand out everything else to just anybody
Me: SNAP!