As everyone is aware by now, actor Paul Walker passed away on Saturday after the car he was riding in crashed into a pole and subsequently caught fire. I don't know why but I found it difficult to sleep the night after I heard about what happened. I wasn't exactly a fan of his, I've seen only a couple of his movies and none of "The Fast & The Furious" films, but I do remember seeing him in bit parts in a lot of 90's teen movies. I can't comment on what kind of actor he was, but I have mad respect for anybody who is actually out in the trenches helping people after disasters. It's one thing to set up an organization and donate money, it's something completely different to be out actually fundraising and/or at the site of a disaster helping out. Being in the trenches during something like that changes you (this is coming from experience, I was in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina). It makes you more aware, more sympathetic. Something within you just clicks and you're able to see the faces of everyone you love in those people who have been displaced or injured, or both. I admire Paul Walker for actually getting out there and doing that. It seems as though he was a genuinely nice, charitable guy who could take or leave the whole acting thing. Everything he did, he did because he loved it. If there is a "right" or "wrong" way to live your life, he definitely seemed to find the right way. And I think that's why his death has hit so many people so hard. Because he was a great guy who made a living doing something he loved and gave back in his spare time. Unfortunately, another thing he loved was fast cars and that seems to be what compelled him to climb into one with his friend Roger Rodas on Saturday afternoon. Seeing the photos of that crash were just horrifying to see. Even more so now that we know Paul Walker survived the initial impact and was still alive when the car caught fire. That is the most awful way to die and I wouldn't wish it on even my worst enemy. I talked with a friend the other day about how we both hoped they were gone before the fire began, and I still wish that would have been true. Hopefully he was at least unconscious and unable to feel anything that happened.
Someone suggested that I may have had sleep issues simply because I saw the car accident photos and it took me back to my accident, or to my girlfriend's accident. Possibly. I've never seen, nor had the desire to see, photos from my own accident but I hear it was pretty bad. It had to be for me to die twice only to get rejected and sent right back here. And I crashed at about 40 MPH, which is what the speed limit was on the road Walker and Rodas were on, so I cannot imagine how anyone survives a crash at 90 MPH, about the speed they were believed to be driving at the time of the wreck. I try my best to avoid any kind of imagery or news about car crashes, but obviously that's not always possible. When I do catch a glimpse, it hammers home how lucky I am to be here right now. It reminds me not to take things for granted, something we're all prone to doing, especially around the holidays. Losing someone at all is terrible but your emotions are amped up at this time of year (again, I'm speaking from experience). It's supposed to be such a wonderful, family-oriented season but it's difficult to get through when you've lost someone so important to you. I hope his family finds a way to get through it all. I don't know how I would manage if I knew that my loved one was essentially burned alive.
I've seen many different reactions from people about his death. They run the gamut from, "he had it coming for going so fast" to, "the driver was at fault and killed him". There have been some people who understand the loss and grieve it as if they knew him, and some who wonder why people are so upset when they didn't actually know him. The reactions have been...odd. A close friend of mine is a HUGE Michael Jackson fan. While I was sad to hear of his passing, I wasn't completely torn up about it like some people. Still, I understood the grief. I didn't go around asking MJ's mega-fans why they were so upset over the death of this person they'd never truly known. People grieve in their own ways and for the people they love, whether they're a fan of the person, or the person's work. It's not like these fans upset over Paul Walker's death are coming out and claiming they were BFF's or anything. They're sad because it's a tragic situation, his daughter lost her father and the world lost a good human being. That's it. What's wrong with grieving over those things? I didn't see anyone harassing people about being sad over Whitney Houston's death or any other celebrity death for that matter. I saw people pointing out that she had a hand in her own death, as Walker might have, as do many celebrities who die. It's sad but it's true. But just because everyone's thinking something doesn't mean a bunch of jackasses have to come right out and say it so soon after a death. We don't know, and we'll probably never know, the full conditions that led to this crash. If they were going 90 MPH and nothing was amiss with the car, then yes they both had a hand in their own demises. We all make our own choices after all. But we don't know any of that. The only two people who do are no longer on this particular plane. Let everyone, whether fan or family, mourn the way they want to mourn.
As I sat down to write this post, I got this feeling that I've had to write way too many posts that deal with death. I'm not afraid of dying myself. The thing that gives me nightmares is someone I love passing away. That is paralyzing. I do worry for Miss N if I happen to no longer be here one day. And I wonder who she'll be mourning when she's my age. I feel like so many celebrities that remind my generation of their childhood or teenage years have passed away the past five years or so. And that's why so many of us are so sad about certain celebrity deaths and can't quite pinpoint why. Because, in a way, it reminds us how goddamn old we are. And that people we grew up with or grew up watching can die. Obviously we know that anyone can die but there is this sort of assumption that the people you're a fan of, watch or listen to everyday will always be around. I remember my mom being upset when someone she was a fan of died but I can only recall two incidents of it (the rest lost in the abyss of my damaged brain cells); Princess Diana and JFK Jr. And all I remember of those times were her being glued to the TV watching the coverage in disbelief. I didn't quite grasp why for the longest time. Until people I was a fan of began to pass away. And now it seems like I've been in her position far too many times. RIP dudes.
