The youngin is into photography and posted a photo of me to her Facebook yesterday. The bestie tagged herself in it so more people would see it (tagging me didn't work apparently) and boy was that ever a great idea...
Crazy Aunt: MIJO! Your eyes are beautiful in this! You should show them off more!
Cousin: Uh...they're eyes. He can't exactly hide them...
Crazy Aunt: You know what I mean! In all the pictures from the wedding, you can't really see them because of those god awful suits they made them wore.
DMC: Hi, you know I can see all of this since we're all "friends", right?
Gay Cousin: I'm gonna have powder blue suits at my wedding. That'll make the eyes pop!
Me: I will not wear that.
Crazy Aunt: Where's that shirt I got you? The blue one. You should buy seven of those and wear it all the time because it brings out your skin tone and your eyes.
Brother: LOL. Yeah, cuz that won't make you look like a shortbus kid. The same shirt EVERY day.
Female Cousin: Ugh, you're such a bitch. I can't even get that skin tone when I tan.
Cousin: At least you got the good eye gene. Mine are ugly ass brown.
Crazy Aunt: My eyes are brown. That doesn't mean they're ugly. Your eyes are very soulful, you should be proud of them.
Cousin: My dad's eyes are blue.
Crazy Aunt: Your mom's were brown. You just got more Mexican than the other stuff.
Cousin: Giuseppe and I are the same mix, almost exactly. His eyes aren't brown. They change colors.
Female Cousin: And he's dark.
Gay Cousin: Oh my god, get over it already. Buy self-tanner, be orange and be proud. You still have the eyes.
Female Cousin: True. They are a beautiful shade of green.
Crazy Aunt: But they have no soul.
Brother: LMAO. BURN.
Female Cousin: What???
Crazy Aunt: They're not serial killer or anything but they aren't as soulful as [other cousin's]. Your kids will probably have brown eyes.
Me: Oh for sure. Cuz you married G and he enjoys effing stuff up every chance he gets.
[Ten minutes pass]
Me: But then I couldn't wear my Hakuna Matata shirt
Y: Oh my god, YES! Please take that away from him, he wears it like every two days. And he silently chanted it over and over while I was on hold with Verizon the other day.
Gay Cousin: LOL. I believe it.
Me: I would respond to that in anger. But I practice Hakuna Matata now.
DMC: Again with the damn Hakuna Matata...
Me: Such a wonderful phrase.
Y: LMAO
DMC: Walked into that one lol
Gay Cousin: You sir, are a genius. Somehow every convo now ends in Hakuna Matata.
Me: Cuz it ain't no passin' craze.
Female Cousin: #DEAD LOL
DMC: What was wrong with those suits?
Me: LOL Uh, welcome back to the conversation.
DMC: lol Hey, I have blue eyes and no problem with my skin tone so the suits are the only part of the convo that interest me.
Cousin: That's cuz you hate your Mexicanness.
DMC: I do not hate my Mexicanness. I'm a light skinned, blue eyed mutt and I'm comfortable with that.
Me: Well, NOW you are anyway.
Crazy Aunt: The suits were ugly, did we not cover this??
DMC: Well at least I don't look like a terrorist in my most recent photo.
Crazy Aunt: You don't listen to him, mijo. You are the most handsome terrorist ever!
Y: LOL. Aaaaaaaand cue the NSA again
