As a youngin, I worshiped the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Worshiped. I had the toys, I had the shirts, I even saw them in concert (I couldn't not go, it combined my two favorite things at that point - music and genetically altered amphibians who kicked ass). I think I was a TMNT for Halloween for three straight years and I pitched a fit when I had to go as Leonardo instead of Michelangelo one year (the irony that even then I wanted to be purty instead of smart). I don't like when people re-make anything from my childhood because they usually fuck it up (pardon my French). And judging by the previews of the "new" TMNT, this movie will be no different. I don't care for Megan Fox and I don't buy her in the role of April O'Neill, a smart and crafty reporter. And the turtles themselves look...odd. I can't really explain it beyond that. But no matter how opposed to the movie I (and my friends) may be, it makes for some good conversations.
A: Those new Ninja Turtles look like black guys in costumes.
M: How can you even tell that? That's racist and I'm offended!
Me: I'm sorry, I can't hear your claims of racism over the sound of you telling me to run for the border every time the news says, "The suspect was a young, Hispanic male".
M: Oh right...I did do that.
Me: Although, I would be offended too if those new bastard turtles were modeled after my people.
A: Your hatred for these turtles is really quite amazing.
Me: I know. I have problems.
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Me: I just saw the Ninja Turtles movie trailer on TV and it upset me
W: Sssshhhhh....it's okay, everything's going to be alright. Ain't nobody got time for that movie
Me: I told my mom I'ma wear my old school turtles stuff and protest outside the movie
W: Oh please do run around in too small t-shirts and shorts
Me: Hellllllllllll yeah
W: *absentmindedly sipping she juice box as she gets mental images*
Me: I can be your hero in a half shell babay, I can take away your pain, I will help you kill the Shredder...you...can...take..my breath away
W: LOL I don't even dare try
W: But I want to sooo bad
