A few weeks ago, Agent W and I spoke about the selfie phenomenon. Apparently she posted a Facebook status that said she didn't understand it and soliciting opinions from her friends. My response was something about how a selfie makes it seem as though no one else you know wanted to take a picture of you, so you had to take a billion yourself in order to preserve your own legacy. I don't get the selfie either. I've taken, maybe, four in my entire life and none of those were, "Omg, I should totally take a selfie right now" kinda moments. What a waste of minutes of your life to spend taking photos of your rarely-changing face. As bad as the selfie thing is, I learned today of something far more disturbing and confounding.
Agent W was caught off guard yesterday when, not one, but two of her besties began discussing their after sex selfies. Yes, you read that right. Now people are taking photos of themselves after gettin' it on and posting them online. And then they looked at Agent W like she was the weirdo for not having done it and having absolutely no interest in doing so. I am rarely rendered speechless but hearing about this just about did it. I mean...no. Just no. As I so eloquently said to Agent W, I don't even want to see the person I just slept with, nevermind seeing what strangers (that is, besides the one next to me) look like. Why is this a thing?? Was there really anyone out there who was desperate to see how disheveled total strangers look after having sex with other strangers? I think not. But I guess there must be since this is an actual thing. it's like absolutely NOTHING is private anymore for people. Obviously I'm not some 1950's-let's-sleep-in-separate-beds prude, but I do believe there are things that should be kept private. People post about their ish on Twitter and Facebook and tell everybody every intimate detail and then wonder why it doesn't work out. Or they get bitchy when all those people they told offer up opinions and advice. Aren't relationships difficult enough without inviting the rest of the world into it? And furthermore, what is the point of this exactly? To look back fondly on your sexual encounters? Good lord, people. Find a better use of your time and keep your bedroom (or wherever else you do it) habits to yourself.
The act of the after sex selfie is ridiculous but it sure did make for some good conversatin'. Always a pleasure, ya'll (pun intended).
W: Then she was bragging about how sweaty she gets during
Me: MY EYES MY EYYYYYYYYYYESSSSSSS just from READING that statement. I literally just squirmed in my chair dude lol
W: Even still she was proud, "That's how you know you worked your ass off"
W: And I thought to myself, "No, that's how you know you's fat and outta shape"...if I have an asthma attack during, I'm not going to brag about that shit
Me: LMAO!
Me: Having to get out a paper bag and ish so you don't hyperventilate
W: LOL *puff puff*
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Me: Do you know of anyone that's taken an after sex selfie?
G: No. But I have heard of such a thing and it's crazy stupid.
Me: It's gotta be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of.
G: lol Just think, if someone had invented it twenty years ago, you could have like a fucking photo album of all your conquests.
Me: lol Uh, no. Even at my most debauched, no.
G: You could call it, "La Conquistadore" and it could be adapted for film someday.
Me: LOL La Conquistadore
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Y: An after sex picture? No, thank you.
A: Of just like the face or what? Cuz otherwise it's porn.
Me: I don't know, I guess it varies.
Y: Ew. No.
A: Oh please, you've taken pictures of worse things than that...
Y: Like naked photos? No, I've not done that recently.
A: lol Oh, "recently". Whore.
Y: You've done it too. Bigger whore.
Me: LOL. "Recently".
A: What are you laughing at, manwhore?
Y: Yeah. I saw your homemade porn collection when we lived together last year...
A: Wasn't the one that was always in the DVD player called "La Conquistadore"?
Me: LOL. I'm gonna kick G's ass.
Y: LMAO Nooooooo! That was the best thing I heard all day.
A: lol Helllllloooooo new nickname!
