Remember that blast from the past ex who left me a voicemail asking to talk? Well, we did talk and the convo was not at all what I expected it to be. I thought it would be along the lines of luring me to a fiery death and then asking Siri where she should hide the body. Instead, it was very calm and laid back and she apologized. That's right, the one woman scorned more than any other in my past apologized to me. To say I was thrown is an understatement. She must have sensed that because she immediately elaborated that she was apologizing for something that she thought hurt me a few years after we broke up. She said she held on the hostility she felt towards me because she'd never been able to tell me off for what I'd done to her. When she met and took a liking to a close friend of mine (who we'll call D), she tried to turn her hostility into payback and they began dating. And she made sure I knew about it. The one kink in her plan was that D and I were not really on speaking terms. Talk about bad timing. She said she expected me to be upset or jealous and confront her so she could say the things she needed to. But that didn't work out the way she had planned either. I did confront her, but not out of jealousy or anger. D was into some shady stuff at the time and she was a good, religious girl and I knew he would do something to fuck her over. He and I had fallen out some time before and he blamed me for it, so he also jumped at the chance to get back at me. The irony is that they were together for the same reason, to get a rise out of me, but neither of them knew it. She says she had intended to go off on me for hurting her but ended up being so taken aback by the news I had about him that she just dropped the whole thing altogether. They broke up and I hadn't heard from her in years. Her reason for getting back in touch has to do with her turning 30 soon and crossing a bunch of stuff she's always wanted or needed to do off her list. Apparently one of those things was tying up any loose ends between us, and I'm actually glad we did finally get to talk about it all because I've always felt terrible about how it ended.
During our conversation, she asked about D and how he's doing now. I told her he was much better physically and emotionally and seeing somebody else, yet another friend the three of us have in common. What I left out is that shortly after the two of them broke up, he sought counseling for his issues and emerged from treatment with the revelation that he's bi-sexual. I've always thought there was no such thing, you pick a lane and that's that, but he's my friend and I love him and support whatever he's into. Unfortunately, he's gotten himself involved in yet another relationship issue. The woman he's dating now is a childhood friend of mine and they're actually a really good match. The boundaries of their relationship have been clearly defined from the beginning and allow him to...continue to explore his bi-sexuality, as long as he does it safely. This arrangement was working just fine and dandy until he began "exploring" with people he works with. First, he got involved with a slightly younger guy who is gay but still very much in the closet. This dude fell for him, in spite of having been told from the start that there was no chance of an actual traditional relationship. And D handled it badly. He didn't know what to do so he just stopped talking to the guy at all and, eventually, the dude got the message. But they hooked up again a few times and the dude got it back into his head that there was hope for something more. They were in this weird, lingering place when bi-sexual bachelor number three entered the fray. This guy is about a decade older and has identified as bi-sexual since he was a teenager. He very much had the same mentality as D; they both dated women but it was an open relationship that allowed them to also see dudes. This is yet another co-worker of D's, mind you. They started hooking up a few months ago and it's been sporadic but this older dude is now catching feelings and talking about the two of them actually dating. D isn't interested, but knows he has to handle it better than he did the last time. And he's reminded of this on a daily basis because the first dude works with both of them. Yeah. It's a mess and he doesn't know what to do and I am of no help since I've never juggled as many people as he's attempting to at the moment.
While I may not understand the whole bi-sexual thing, I do have a bit of experience with open relationships (and relationships in general). I cannot for the life of me figure out why people want to make things so complicated. I mean, two people co-existing and going about their life together is a lot and compromises have to be made and issues sorted out. Why would you want to involve two or three other people in that? I would assume it's out of boredom, and I of all people understand getting bored or restless in a relationship, but it still seems like a lot more work. I dated a chick once who asked if I would be into the open relationship thing. I was surprised she brought it up since we'd been dating for months at the time, but not shocked that she'd ask about because I'd heard her rant in the past about how humans aren't meant to be monogamous. I did think about it for a few days before coming to the conclusion that I wasn't interested, and that turned out to be a dealbreaker for her. But I would rather we go our separate ways than be stuck in something that one of us is uncomfortable with. I think people should do whatever works for them relationship-wise, whether it be an open relationship or poly-amory or gay or straight or whatever. But I guess I just fall on the more traditional side of things, wanting to spend my life with one person. I do hope D manages to extricate himself from his current predicament without hurting anyone though.
