. . .I have a question. When someone tells you they're going to be alone in a different city for a week, wouldn't you assume that means they'll be, you know, alone? Yeah, I thought so too. See, someone told me that she'd be by herself while working in Vegas this week, in fact she went out of her way to say it a couple of times. She practically begged me not to cut off contact between us during this week because she would be alone and knew she would want/need to talk to me. But it turns out, once again, she didn't quite tell me the full truth about that. Given her tone and the fact that she actually said as much, I was under the impression she would be in a place where she didn't know anybody and would be by herself in a hotel room at the end of the work day. So I left things open and didn't end it and told her if she really needed to text me, she could. But we fell into our old pattern and started talking a bit and I kicked myself for it, even though I didn't let her all the way back in my life. Yesterday I tried to tell her we needed to put some space here because I'm not comfortable letting her back in and things being the way they used to. She flipped out about it claiming we'd been "okay" on Monday and wanting to know what changed. I never got the chance to explain because she went all dramatic and made everything about her, as she always does. So we hung up in more limbo than we'd begun the day in.
Even though I was a bit irked by the texts, I replied when I could because I didn't like the fact she was by herself working this convention. Come to find out she's not. Tuesday night she texted me that she was going to dinner with a friend and it struck me as interesting since just days prior I'd gotten a sob story about her loneliness. I didn't say anything but it prompted me to look back at my blogs from the past few days and decide that we needed a minute because this script seemed oddly familiar to last week's Hawaii incident when she said she'd make time to talk and then decided to purposely ignore me. She didn't take kindly to me saying I needed a step back, despite telling me on Sunday that I should do whatever I needed to in order to move past all this. We talked sparingly today and then she asked to call this evening and added she could only talk for a few because she was going out to dinner and then to a club with a friend. And I snapped. She's only there for four days and this will be the second night she's spent out with this friend. I find that mighty interesting. At worst, she straight up lied to me about being alone in order to keep me at least partially in the fold and at best (if there is such a thing here), she "forgot" she had a friend who lives in Vegas. I don't buy it.
I expressed my surprise about finding out she had someone to hang out with after hours there and she of course turned it around on me. She said her friend was supposed to be out of town but just happened to make it back in time to be in Vegas the same week that she was. I don't believe that either. I think she knew all along that he'd be there and, at the very least, she knew it was a strong possibility he'd be there and they would hang out. She's such a fucking planner that she would have badgered him for a week to find out if they could do something, there's no way she went there thinking she would be alone. She got smart about it said she is alone during her work day and at the hotel and, therefore, she told me the truth. Well gold star for you since the truth seems to be an elusive thing to come by with you these days. I wanted to flat out call her a liar but I held back and chose to use the word 'omit', but she still got pissed off. It was a simple question: Why did you tell me you would be all by yourself and that there was no one there you were even friends with when you knew differently? She never did actually answer it before leaving to have her night out with this guy.
What's that old saying? Fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice, shame on me? Yeah, that's where I am now. She tells me one thing and then she does something different and assumes she can spin it later on if I realize what's happening. And in a certain light, it's brilliant. By now she knows me and she knew on Friday that only something drastic would make me ever speak another word to her so she comes up with this faux 'I wanna take some pills' business (and believe me, it was all an act. She's a narcissist and they're too vain to actually off themselves). Once I do start talking to her again, she comes up with this B.S. about being all alone in Vegas and how depressed she's going to be if we can't talk, and she does that with the pills email still fresh in my brain so I'll cave easier. And here we are. It's like she gets some little thrill out of it now. So many other people in her life to do battle with yet she prefers to be locked in one with me. It's so fucking twisted.
