As Foretold

I'm a fan of all things "Law & Order" but have always favored the Special Victims Unit spinoff. The show's glory days are long behind it but I still watch every week, mostly because I assume a cancellation is on the horizon and I'd like to finish what I started. L&O has always ripped stories from the headlines, often with very subtle tweaks, but always with thought provoking conclusions. This weej's episode was no different. Its premise was as follows; a young, up-and-coming female singer is beaten by her rap star boyfriend, yet refuses to press charges. Sound familiar? As per the usual with L&O, some details were changed but much of the story remained intact. The boyfriend made his way through the courts with slaps on the wrist and the woman he beat remained under his spell. Most of the story was so-so, it was the last few minutes that were haunting. After the prosecution played their final card, the singer continued to lie in order to protect her abuser. After her court appearance, the abuser (whose initials were C.B.) whisked her off to a private yacht in the islands, as the police lamented their lack of control over what happens next. A detective said all they could do now was wait and when the DA asked what they were waiting for, the detective replied, "the inevitable". Sure enough, while on their pleasure cruise the tiniest of things set off the abuser. His phone went off as they were canoodling and she asked who it was. He flew into a rage. The final scene showed a vigil mourning the loss of the singer whose body was found in the islands, floating alongside the yacht. It was a chilling scene to watch because I couldn't help but think it was foreshadowing. We all know that abusers only escalate, especially when they are never held accountable for their actions. The real C.B. certainly hasn't manned up and been truly remorseful about anything. There is no reason to believe that he ever will. It could very well be something as minor as questioning a phone call that sends that relationship spiraling out of control (again). And she may very well survive the next time (and there WILL be a next time). But she also might not. And that's what's so sad and infuriating about the whole situation.

Fool's Gold

So the mother of this fool in California who killed four people before shooting himself in the head as the cabin he was in burned to the ground is being urged by family members to sue for wrongful death. Really? You want to sue the LAPD because your son had a screw loose and became a murderer? Supposedly the theory is that the family believes he was not fired for lying, as the police have alleged, but instead was wrongfully terminated without cause. And had he not been fired, he wouldn't have been so upset and gone on his killing spree, nor had to shoot himself in order to avoid prosecution. That's their theory. That's like me suing the family of the guy who hit me and claiming they're to blame for my drug issues. Was the accident a catalyst for those issues? Yes. But I ultimately chose to go down the path I did. This fool's firing, justified or not, was the catalyst for him to spring a leak BUT he made the choice to become a murderer. He did not kill people who were directly responsible for his dismissal, he took aim at anyone who was wearing an LAPD uniform. He killed innocent officers and he did it because he wanted to. The family seems to be alleging that if the LAPD just gave him a warning instead of firing him, none of this would have happened. But no one can know that for sure. Clearly, it was within him to be able to do such a terrible thing all along. People like that are ticking timebombs anyway. I feel for anyone who loses a family member, and especially a child, but you have to accept what your child became. He was a murderer. You should not profit from your son being a murderer. What you should be more concerned about is the families of his victims filing suit against you, which is equally ridiculous but could still happen. The whole thing was tragic but it's best to try and move on from it. Granted, the LAPD doesn't have the best record when it comes to transparency. So if these people decide to sue, it should be in order to obtain the whole truth, not for monetary gain.

Let's Get Married...Wait...What?

Last night I got the chance to catch up with someone I hadn't spoken to in at least a few years. We became friends over a decade ago and have been in and out of touch since then. She's one of those people I may not speak to on a regular basis, but I know would be there if I needed something or if anything serious happened. And it's E's cancer battle that got us back into contact this time. We all used to hang out together way back when and she was there during the first go round. When she heard it was back, she reached out to see how everyone was doing. It was about ten years ago that she and I had a very late night conversation about marriage and kids. It was prompted by the engagement of my cousin to a mutual friend. At the time I had not yet been engaged but had lost the first love of my life so I was already a skeptic on both topics. She was in the same boat, although for different reasons. She didn't want to get married and was 90% sure she would never have kids. She loves kids but it seemed a large amount of responsibility to your life and does restrict your freedom somewhat. I remembered thinking at the time that her stance on kids would soften because we were only in our early 20's at the time and no one really wants to be a parent that young. But she was immovable on marriage. That is, until she met a man who wanted to marry her. They met completely by chance and were engaged within six months, marrying a month later. I was a guest at the wedding and it was fantastic. A few months ago they announced that they're expecting a baby, which I was not at all surprised to hear.
I was struck by just how happy she seems these days so I took the opportunity to ask her how that whole marriage thing seems to be working out for her. She said it was less effort than she thought it would be, so much so that she's not even sure they're "doing marriage right". She continued on to say that she thinks the whole thing has been so easy because they were on the same page before they walked down the aisle. They were already committed to a lifelong partnership, so marriage was just the next natural step. She says that although it has brought them closer, she would've been fine had they never married. He was the one who wanted to do it and she figured why the hell not. It's only about five years in but they seem ridiculously happy, and it's nice to see. When I think of the 'M' word, my brain automatically goes to the cliches of less (or no) sex and no time for anything but the kiddies. But I've witnessed marriages that are the complete opposite of that, and that's what I'd want if I decided to go that route. And I realized last night that part of that whole fear comes from the fact that relationships are really not my thing. I have been good at them on occasion. I've even been great at them once or twice (okay, probably just the one time). But overall my record is not stellar. A combination of things play into this; I get bored easily, I choose to go it alone when I should be part of a team, I can be a bit passive aggressive and/or aloof when I'm unhappy or upset, and then there's our good old friend self-sabotage. None of that has any place in a marriage. And it's those things that make me run for the hills instead of even considering it.
My engagement is something I think less and less about as more time passes. It was fucked up for so many reasons and the only thing that pisses me off about it is that I wasted a damn good proposal on someone who wasn't even worth a half-assed one. I don't care about the way it ended or the friendship we had before. That seems like a million years ago. And I don't believe that experience is what wrecked me over the marriage issue because I came very close to taking the plunge with another girlfriend. But when it came time to actually go through with it, we both chickened out. And broke up shortly thereafter (for other reasons). I think that situation has more to do with me not wanting to get hitched than my actual engagement did. I was all gung-ho for the ceremony and celebration but when she actually called my bluff, I realized that I wasn't ready. Could my continued aversion to marriage just be a case of still not being ready? Possibly. It's something I hadn't even considered until today. We shall see.

Just What You Want To Be, You Will Be In The End

I remember hearing this song in the car with the family when I was a kid. I didn't listen to the words, all I caught was, "nights in white satin" and it confused me. I asked my mom what it was about and she said it was a song about nothing. I left it at that. Last year, I heard this song for the first time in at least a decade when I saw Tim Burton's "Dark Shadows" and immediately took a shine to it. I think part of the reason was that it worked perfectly in the sequence it was used in (also well utilized in that movie, The Carpenters "Top Of The World"), and was so unexpected. I ended up YouTubing the song, as well as a couple others from the movie, weeks later and decided to also look up the lyrics. I still have no idea what the song is about, but I like the lyrics and the song isn't too shabby either.

I Am An American...Therefore I Outsource

A few months ago, the mother of my child was pulled aside by the principal at our daughter's school for a conference. By the time their little chat was over, she was livid and our daughter had been pulled out of school altogether. It wasn't a complete surprise since we'd been doing battle with the school for about a month over, of all things, our daughter's intelligence. The problem is that our daughter is smart. Not in a genius, enrolling at Harvard at age ten kind of way, more like a Jurassic Park velociraptor clever girl kinda way. She figures things out, and very quickly. From her first week of school it was evident that she was bored with the curriculum and when she tried to do things on her own level instead if with the class, letters were sent home (letters home at age 4? She really is gifted. God help us through the teenage years). Her mom was always the one to go into these little conference because the one time I went, I almost threw a tiny man through an even tinier window. They made it sound as if our child was disrupting the entire class, like she was some kind of delinquent for already knowing the things they were trying to teach her. I felt terrible because she loathed going there everyday but her mom and I had agreed to stay the course. At least, we did until that last conference. It was communicated to us that there would be "action taken" if our daughter didn't fall in line and learn at the sane pace as everyone else. Basically, she could either dumb herself down or she could leave. We chose the second option.
My mom was very amused to hear about all this because it took her back to when my sister and I were denied entry into pre-school altogether because we were too smart. They wanted to bump us up to kindergarten right off the bat but that would've separated us from our cousins and friends (who was not smart apparently. I kid, I kid!). Mom didn't want to do that and had to fight the school for a month before we were finally allowed in. In the end, we spent all 12 school years with our friends and graduated with our friends and it all worked out fine and dandy. But according to mom, that's because the teachers did not try to reel us in and keep us from learning new things. There were no ultimatums issued or anyone telling her what was best for her kids. Unfortunately, the situation turned ugly when it came to my child and so we departed traditional schooling in favor of homeschool. Since the year turned over, our daughter has been either tagging along to homeschool with a friend or, more recently, being taught by my best friend's neighbor's mother (there's a mouthful), who has been a teacher for 35 years. She retired and has been up here visiting her daughter so we're looking at all this as a temporary fix while we find a permanent teacher. My sister's kids are homeschooled so we have quite a bit of folks to choose from. But it's still a bit of a daunting process. I adore the kid but an expert in edumicatin', I am not. And so the scouting of potential teachers falls to her mother and now to my best friend. That's right, I have outsourced the decision (and to an Indian, no less). The two of them ask these teachers questions I've never even thought of so I'm sure we'll end up with someone great.

Randoms

~ I love my mother. A week ago she entered the current century when she got a smartphone. Middle of the week she calls me from her home phone asking how to text. Then, she cancels her home phone (which she was planning to do anyway). Yesterday, she texts me asking how to answer her phone. I'm enrolling her in a Verizon class to learn how to use the damn thing. Although...that would extinguish the hilarity we have going on now...decisions, decisions.

~ My friend D is on a bit of a spree dater. One man this week, another man the next. Which is why we can never keep up with the names of the mensz. And apparently, neither can she.

Me: I thought you were dating Damian this week?
Best Friend: Derek
G: Dave
D: Ya'll, I don't even remember his name half the time

~ My friend G is in the process of naming the eight new computers his mom just got for her business. Perfect storm yo.

G I have to figure out what to name them
Best Friend: Huey, Dewey and Louis
D: You're four names short
Me: Well maybe you should name them after DamianDerekDave so she can remember who she's dating

~ Lastly, it's always nice when someone you've never shown your ass to confirms they have never seen your ass.

Me: I read good
Friend: You went to the Mugatu center for kids who don't read good didn't you?
Friend: You got your money's worth when he told you to get rid of the Jersey Shore hair but
Friend: LOL CUT!
Me: lol Wtf was that?
Me: Did you just call my ass hairy and say it has a Jersey Shore haircut?
Friend: lol No! I've never even seen your ass
Me: LOL Thank you for clarifying
Friend: LOL If I could, I'd blush
Me: I guess that blinking red light in the shower is nothing to worry about after all

Don't You Want Me Babu...Or Amo...Or Fuck You

I sat down to make a work call, something I get made fun of for all the time because I can do it in my pajamas if I so choose (tis one of the perks of working from home). Being that I am lazy, I went into my recent calls and messages and just tapped the number I was trying to call. Only...I didn't. Somehow, I'm still not sure exactly how, I tapped a different number and didn't realize it until about 15 seconds into the conversation. The other party said hello in a kind of shocked tone and I was confused as to why I wasn't hearing the voice I expected to. Finally, Mr. Mother Fucking Magoo looks at the caller ID and realizes he dialed a friend's number instead. Ain't old age grand? Anyway, these conversations later followed. Because anything and everything is fair game with my friends. Even dialing a wrong number.

It didn't start well....

Me: DON'T YOU WANT MR. BABU
Friend: LOL Oh yes
Me: LOL Wait. Damn phone IM

Then I went all Mr. T for a minute...

Friend: Blegh
Me: Blegh?
Friend: Yeah. Like yuck
Me: lol I know what it means fool
Me: I'm asking what you're saying it about
Friend: LOL Fool. I need to hear you say that on the phone
Friend: *Looks at the phone half expecting you to butt-dial me again*
Me: lol It wasn't a butt disk
Me: Dial
Friend: LOL Wait
Friend: What's a butt disk? Inquiring minds want to know!
Me: LOL I don't know. Dial corrected to disk
Friend: Is that similar to a plug?
Me: lol Fuck you
Friend: LOL Worth it
Friend: That was awesome
Me: lol Dammit it was
Friend: lol I never expect you to use profanity outright
Me: lol I never do. Unless provoked
Friend: lol You're like the angry honey badger

About an hour later...

Friend: Look at you all tech savvy
Me: lol Yet can't spell a damn thing right
Friend: lol It's not you. It's Steve Jobs.
Friend: Damn you Steve Jobs!!!!
Me: The man is dead
Friend: Still. DAAAAAAMN HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!!!!!!!!
Me: lol Jeez
Friend: lol He does not deserve our mercy
Me: The man gave you an iPod. Which God later took away. After he stole every holy man you ever tried to corrupt. Misguided, your anger is.
Friend: Ouch Babu. Very ouch.
Me: LOL. Aaaaaaaand here comes the reprise
Me: Fuck you lol
Friend: LOL WHAT!
Me: Don't call me Babu
Friend: I will call you Babu if I damn well feel like it *pokes you in the chest*

And finally, autocorrect screws me over again...

Friend: Ohhhhh....I know what you mean with that double entendre *wiiiiink*
Me: Amo pice
Me: Wtf. Smoooove is what I typed
Friend: Who you callin' amo pice?
Friend: That's my SLAVE name!
Me: LMAO. Slave name
Me: I can't breathe
Friend: Hot damn I'm still laughing over here
Me: I'm guessing the A in your slave name is silent. Amo Pice Unchained
Friend: LOL! That was great

When Karma Reaches You, I Wanna Be There Just In Case It Needs Help

It was so anti-climactic in the end. All the fights, all the nastiness...all for naught. It has taken me some time to decide to write this post because I've been dealing with mixed emotions of the oddest kind. I know I'm better off. I know she never loved me. I know I was only needed because she was in a funk and required a pick me up. But knowing all of this, I still reacted to the end as if I cared. Because I did. Not nearly as much as I had in the beginning, but it is not in me to just switch off caring about someone. You know that girl that pushes you down on the playground when you're a kid and then tries to kiss you after she helps you up? That pretty much sums up our entire relationship. And I chose to keep taking the kisses instead of paying attention to the shoving and pushing back. I'm not blind to the fact that I played my part here, in the fighting and in the ignorant bliss we both chose to live in. In hindsight, the statistics are amazing in that they do not tell the story with any kind of accuracy. She "ended" it over a dozen times in two years, while I did so maybe twice. She hung up on me dozens and dozens of times and I also hung up a lot but not nearly as much as her. The ratio of hurtful things said in anger is probably about even. The motivations behind us staying even though we both knew we were far past the sale date are a mystery to me. At least her reasons are. I know why I stayed. I loved having someone who knew me so well and who understood me, although it was always in the back of my head that I could never share all of myself with her. I withheld what I knew she would never accept. That alone was reason to break it off. But I cared about her deeply and felt awful about leaving her to deal with her family shit all by herself. As time wore on it became evident that if we were to be together long-term, her family issues would involve me and that always made me uncomfortable. My family is far from perfect but I don't have to clean up every mess each one of them makes, the way she does. Everything comes to a standstill when she has to handle family issues. I could never live my life like that. The problem with her knowing me well is that she also knew nothing about me in some ways. She liked to think she knew though; every reaction, every thought, every past sin. But no. And now, while I regret some of the secrets I shared, I know I was right to keep other to myself. There may be another post-mortem about all of this because there is so much to cover but let's start at the end.
The official end was two-fold. After a lot of back and forth and on and off, I finally agreed to talk about possibly committing to us and only us. I'd been resistant to this for many reasons; because of the way we fought, because I knew she wanted marriage and I don't, but I decided to at least have a conversation about it. The day before this convo I was called out of town for work and she was in the midst of a night out so I apologized and made alternate plans for us via email. I went to bed early and woke up to six texts, all of them saying she was done with us. I boarded a plane and landed hours later to another two texts and an email, all saying she didn't want to be done and claiming she hadn't read the email until that afternoon. I had a feeling she had read it, she reads everything the moment she gets it, but had changed her tune because she'd realized what life was going to be like without this. (Either that or she was bi-polar, which I sometimes wonder about. The tag for her on this blog is "BP".) Then, in her typical fashion, she completely ignored what she had said about being done as if it'd never happened. But I wasn't going to just get past it the way she always asked me to when she said or did something hurtful. I didn't start anything but I was very aware of what those texts said and kept it in the front of my mind. The day before we were going to have our convo, we fought yet again over something pointless. I'd gone out the night before and, for once, was not glued to my phone waiting on her every text, which was the moment I knew I was actually officially done. If I'd still cared at all, I would've texted her at the conclusion of the evening. But I didn't even think about her at all that night. The next morning I texted her sparingly because I was working and getting my things together before I left. She asked what I'd done the night before and I just said I'd gone out at which point she abruptly cut off what little conversation we did have going. Then she accused me of flat out ignoring her texts all night and all morning, which I took offense to. She had gone out MANY times before and done the exact same thing, even purposely ignoring a string of texts I'd sent her. She'd gone out while we were in the midst of blowouts and I'd cave and send half a dozen texts asking her questions about whether she even actually cared and wanted to work shit out but the next morning the only reply I would get was, "Morning babe". Yet she's allowed to accuse me of the same shit. It was the double standard I could no longer deal with, and things only snowballed from there. Completely out of her ass, she pulled out all this crap about how I'd canceled our plans for the next day and how that was the final straw. I'd said NOTHING about canceling and in fact I'd asked her to call me so we could talk things out before they spiraled. She'd been texting me for twenty minutes, all of it negative shit she was making up, but suddenly couldn't talk because she was at a dinner. It was always amazing to me how she could not have time to talk for a few minutes when things were good between us, but when things were bad she was always able to text incessantly. Drama was like Jello for this chick - there was always room for it. I didn't care that she couldn't talk but I wasn't going to continue texting shit like damn middle schoolers. She wasn't reading my texts anyway. When I repeated that I had not canceled, she gave me some crap about how I had never confirmed our plans either. Seriously? You're ripping into me and making shit up but you want me up on a cross because I didn't interrupt what has become our regularly scheduled programming in order to say, "Hey, let's have lunch tomorrow"? NOBODY in their right mind is going to do that in the middle of their own crucifixion. She continued to make up shit and claim I'd canceled on her as if it was fucking gospel and I was just over it. I no longer cared. But in all the BS she was spewing, she did get one thing right - "This is over". And so it was.
Looking back, even I'd wanted to save us there was no way it would've happened. Somewhere along the line I'd lost what little patience I had and she'd lost the ability to listen to anything but the sound of her own voice. Once she had twisted something in her head, there was no way to get the actual truth through to her. And eventually I got tired of that M.O. and just stopped trying. On this night in particular I was so over attempting to reason with someone who had no interest in doing so. If she thought I'd canceled and she was using that as her excuse, then so be it. Was probably for the best anyway. I'd long known we were both halfway out the door anyway, especially since she had tried to walk away two days prior. But the way she did it irked me and probably always will. First she invents shit in her own head, then she proceeds to tell me we're done in a series of texts. Whenever I don't respond in a few seconds, I get shit like, "I guess this is easy for you". Whenever I do respond with a few lengthy texts of my own, I get one line replies like, "Have a good trip". Oh, and she did this all while at a dinner party with her friends. Talk about not giving a fuck. I'm aware of what century we're in and that texting is the norm now but neither of us were raised in this century and I know she knows how to at least pick up a damn phone to end a relationship. She later said it was breaking her heart and blah blah blah but I don't buy that for a minute. She was cold fucking blooded til the end. The next day she continued to text, seemingly trying to put the whole thing on me and my "cancellation" and absolve herself of anything. I flat out told her that if we'd had a single conversation, just one, on the phone prior to my flight taking off then shit could be where she wanted it and not fucked up. The response? Radio. Silence. I could've fucking beg for that convo and I still never would have gotten it. But I had no interest in asking her for shit anymore, especially when I knew it would never happen anyway. Drama for the sake of drama, that's all she's ever been and always will be and I got out while I still had my own sanity left.
I wanted, so badly, to get nasty towards her at the end. But it just wasn't worth it. SHE wasn't worth it. It would've been a waste of breath and of time. I wanted to wish her good luck finding someone to put up with her and her fucked up family. I wanted to tell her that, fortunately for her, a lot of dudes probably got married over New Years so there will be no shortage of other women's husbands for her to fuck (the reason for this being that she thinks having an affair with a married man says nothing about her character but my sexual experimentation with folks of the non-married variety is so abhorrent). I wanted to tell her that I'd already foreseen the way her life was going to turn out; she was going to dive back into work and ALWAYS choose it over anybody or anything else. She's never going to have the stable family life or kids she so desperately claims to want. All she has ever been and will ever be is a workaholic by day and a borderline alcoholic party girl by night. Nothing more, nothing less. Everything my friends ever said about her was 100% true. She can't be in a functional, healthy and loving relationship because dysfunction is all she's ever known and she's made no effort to learn anything different. She'll never stop working long enough to have children and, even if she does, she's way too much of a narcissist to be a good parent. She'd likely just dump the kids on her husband (should she even find one) while she worked and buy all of them pretty things to make up for her absence. I don't want that kind of relationship. I'm not motivated by greed, narcissism and dysfunction, and I certainly don't keep company with those kind of people. Even as we parted, she was in the midst of trying to land a reality television show for some no-talent wannabe singer, one that she may even be on camera for. On one hand, I hope it works out so she can become the punchline she so deserves to be. She always preached about respect and her career and shit so it's fucking comical that she's willing to toss all of that by the wayside for money. People on reality TV aren't smart or talented, they're jokes. Maybe she belongs there after all. On the other hand, I never want to see or hear from her again so it wouldn't break my heart if this deal, like every deal she's tried to be a part of since I've known her, falls apart. At the end of the day, I'm pissed off at myself more than I am her. I had every opportunity to book but I didn't. But everything for a reason. End of that chapter. FINALLY.

Mothers & Singletons

~ I adore my mother and have said as much on this blog before. A couple of my closest friends are also very close to their mothers and now that we're all entering our 30's, we're noticing some role reversals taking place. One friend recently had to cut off his mom from buying everything in creating from QVC by taking away her credit card. Another has to lecture her mom on a regular basis about leaving her house keys in the door, on the outside of the home. My mom acquired a smartphone this week and has spent nearly every evening texting me or calling me (when she can figure out how to do either) to ask how to use it. She's also had to be told by my sister not to use it during dinner - twice. Isn't it interesting when you become the parent? All your young life, mom tells you what you can and can't do and who you can do it with but now the tables have turned some. It's hilarious. I look forward to seeing mom and her new phone in action when I go home next month.

~ Speaking of moms, one of the friends mentioned above and I had a convo last night about Lent. Somehow, it snuck up on me this year and I decided to give up soda in a last minute decision I already kinda regret. The friend gave up junk food, her motivation being that her sister's wedding is coming up and she wants to be in better shape for the occasion. Two days in and her mom already tried to tempt her back to the dark side:


Friend: I love my mother...I just remembered she got me red velvet ice cream.
Friend: Which...I can't eat cuz I gave up shenanigans for Lent
Me: lol well in that case your mom is just cruel
Friend: And here I am thinking to share my edible arrangement with her. Hmph.
Me: The year I gave up ice cream, my mom went to Dairy Queen once a week
Friend: LOL She would
Me: I'm not even kidding. That woman is cold blooded lol
Friend: Our moms are probably in cahoots
Me: It sounds like my mom's been mentoring yours
Me: Mothers yo
Friend: Word to yours and mine


~ And saving the best for last...

You know how sometimes you come across people and you think, "Why are you still single?!". Yeah well, when you go to a singles mixer you can pretty much tell why everyone in the room is still single. How do I know this? Because I was dragged to my first singles mixer last night. And it. Was. LAME. My friend T has had a long stretch o' bad luck with the fellas and was asked by a mutual friend into doing this singles event yesterday. I was then brought in as some sort of bodyguard in case any of the dudes got handsy, something I fought tooth and nail. She said is she had to go, then I had to go too but we still fought it. Then T and I found out this was a rich folks mixer and away we all went. It turned out to be good for laughs, if nothing else. This older chick, maybe 44, came up and introduced herself to me and I did the same. After a few moments of awkward silence she asked, "So...[my name, which is one initial]...how do you spell that?". Really? No wonder these people are single, they got no game. Never again. NEVER. AGAIN.

How Can One Be Down, Tell Me Where To Start, Cuz Every Time You Smile, I Feel Tremors In My Heart

Let's go back to the 90's, kids. I was just into high school when this song came out and the timing was perfect. The beat, the lyrics, everything about this song screams "first crush". It was a wildly popular song amongst everyone in my school and was all over the radio. I was a sucker for singles back then, mostly because they were all I could afford, and I had this one on cassette. It was worth every penny. A friend of mine saw Brandy in concert recently and it caused me to trip down memory lane. She had a lot of good songs (and a TV show I used to watch), but this was the best in my humble opinion. Live and album versions included this week.

At The Same Time I Wanna Hug You, I Wanna Wrap My Hands Around Your Neck

Karma is working at light speed amongst my peeps the past 24 hours.

Last night...


Friend: My brother came over. He's gonna take me to a shooting range in the next few days
Friend: I'm so excited
Friend: You ever fired a gun?
Me: Yeah, a long time ago
Friend: I haven't...only air rifles
Me: I'm curious to see what the death toll will be
Friend: Cops won't find me in no stinkin' cabin
Me: lol I'm totally claiming that reward once I call the hotline and say, "7-11"
Friend: Ooooh fuck you so hard
Me: WHOOMP THERE IT IS!
Friend: LOL I love you and I want to shake you
Me: lol you set 'em up, I'll knock 'em back every time
Friend: lol Dammit



This afternoon....

Friend: Did she have her kid with her?
Me: Yeah. He's so big. Somehow little dude remembered me. We played with his stuffed dinosaur and I chased him around.
Friend: Oh wow, he remembered? That's cute
Friend: You're gonna make a great dad someday
Me: LOL Fuck you
Friend: LMAO!! Totally. Worth. It.


And an honorable mention just because it's the best laugh I've had all week....


Me: We should work that typo about your mom into our telenovela

Friend: YES!

Me: *Darth Vader breath en espanol* I am your father

Friend: LOL How the hell would that sound in spanish?

Me: lol I'm not sure. Maybe he just holds a bottle of Tequila while he says that line
Me: I know!
Me: Cheech Marin plays Vader!

Friend: LOL. That'd be so great

What's The Mater?

I don't like this blog to be a downer for too long (we had enough of that when it first began), so let's lighten things back up a little. I don't know what my problem is but the past two days or so I have had major issues with autocorrect. Most of them centering on a certain... appendage. (Note: Paul is the imaginary friend one of my friends and I made up in order to torment another friend.)

Friend: Yep, tis my mater for you
Me: ...Mater?
Friend: Fancy foreign word for Mother
Me: Nm I just used my dick and I know what that means now
Me: DICTIONARY
Friend: LOL! You'd better not've used your dick to discover my mater!
Me: LOL I swear it's not what you think, baby! I fell!
Friend: LOL Oh sure, next thing you're gonna say that it wasn't you
Me: It wasn't me! It was Paul in a costume! She seduced me!
Me: Paul....she seduced PAUL
Friend: LOL I can't breathe

Friend: Lol How the hell do we get into such shenanigans so early on in the day?
Me: Lol we're gifted

How Do You Figure A Last Year On Earth?

As you may have heard, there's a blizzard here in the Northeast U.S. of A. It's kind of a good thing because I'm still trying to lick this cold (going on about three weeks now) and need the rest. It's also good because my friends and I have decided to be snowed in together. And it's a bad thing. Why? Because my friends and I have decided to be snowed in together. I wrote half of this post a few nights ago while I was feeling really down and depressed. I'd intended to post it yesterday, but now it requires some updating. My friends and I have done these lock-ins during various natural disasters and they usually go fantastically well. We watch movies and TV shows, we play games, we sing bad karaoke, it's fun for all. This time was looking to be the same, until this morning. There's a sort of uncomfortableness between some of us because we don't all accept E's decision and it exploded today. All of us in our little group are very close but, as with any group of friends, some are even closer than that. E and G are the best friends each of them have ever had. They bicker like an old married couple and live to torment each other over little things, but they also love each other and G has not been handling the cancer diagnosis well. He hasn't been handling it at all, really. When he first heard about it, he got so worked up that he nearly had to go to the ER. But since then he's been in some kind of denial, and we all knew once he came out of it, things would not be pretty. Out of the blue, G went off on E about not getting treatment and how stupid it was and E just let him vent. Eventually, the two of them patched things up and talked them out and E says he'll reconsider treatment. I hope he does. We're all stressed about this but I know it's worse for the two of them. I cannot fathom losing my best friend, and at such a young age. On that note, I'll leave the original post to explain everything going on. If you're in the path of this storm, stay safe and warm. If you're anywhere else, damn you and your good weather!
=====

It is often said that people come into your life for a reason. And I'm a firm believer of that. Some people are meant to be in your life for the long haul, while others are not. Some people fuck you over, while others love you unconditionally, even at your worst. Some people are terrible human beings, whille others are incredible. Unfortunately, the bad stuff seems to happen to the more amazing people. And that SUCKS. My friend E is one of those amazing people. He is a beautiful human being who has known far too much tragedy in his 35 years. He lost his father to cancer at a very young age and lost his fiancé to violence. Our paths crossed a few years later and it was the beginning of an amazing friendship, and not just between us. That same year we both met G and the three of us, plus my best friend and two other high school friends, formed an incredible bond. These people are my best friends and we've supported each other through some awful times. We've also shared in some great ones, and I'm very thankful for that. I truly do not know what I would do without a single one of them. However, it seems as though I will have to learn to live without E. and I don't know how to handle that.
Not long after we became friends, E was diagnosed with cancer. I still remember the shock of it. He was only in his mid-20's and was a very active guy so the diagnosis hit everyone hard. It was not lost on any of us that the very same disease had taken his father a few decades earlier, and that made things especially scary. But the doctors caught it very early on so his prognosis was good. Treatment was a bitch since he still needed chemo but we all took turns going with him to his appointments and cheering him up on the bad days. He ended up beating it and we had a big old party when he got a clean bill of health. For the next couple of years we were all paranoid about it recurring but he stayed healthy. As the years have gone by, we've kind of forgotten about it. But we got our asses slapped back to reality when E told us that he had gone to the doctor and they feared a recurrence of the cancer. He continued on, saying he'd been having symptoms for months but "didn't think anything of it". Hearing that in that moment made me furious because he knows the signs of illness and should've sought out a doctor sooner. But then, I'm the same way when it comes to medical issues so I can't fault him for something I also probably would have done. We were all shocked but waited for the official diagnosis. And hearing that it was officially back was as unreal as it'd been the first time. The news was worse this time though, the cancer was advanced and the prognosis was awful. He also made the decision to not seek treatment. And I couldn't handle it. I completely broke down in every way possible. An awful prognosis means a harder fight but choosing not to seek treatment means...game over. We were all so pissed off. But at the end of the day it is his decision. He says he would rather live mostly healthy than spend this time sick and in treatment. On one hand I get it, I was ready to meet my maker a decade ago and would have willingly gone into the light. But on the other hand, he has so much to live for. He's so full of life and so happy that I can't understand his decision at all. But I do have to accept it.
I have no idea what this year will bring when it comes to E's health. So far he's doing well and not all that sick, which I sometimes think is a bad thing. If he were sick then maybe he'd choose to get treatment and maybe he would be around longer. As long as he's not sick, he can live in that ignorance is bliss phase. I don't think any of us have fully absorbed what's going to happen. We'll often say stupid things like, "We should do that someday," before it hits us that the somedays are numbered. It's crazy to think about. We all talk about things we want to do someday and never even consider that our time here will expire before those things happen. E has always wanted to get married and have kids, that is his biggest dream. And just like that, it's over. It's not fair. But life isn't fair. Sometimes even I forget he's sick and go into my own ignorant bliss. But those times when I remember what's happening inside him...those times kill. Those are the times I remember there's one giant, ticking clock hanging over all of us. Eventually, should he continue to refuse treatment, he will get sick. Then he will get sicker. And after that...who knows. I do respect his decision not to get treatment but I still try to talk him into it everyday. The sooner, the better. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like that will happen. So for now, we wait. We go about our lives as if everything's the same and try not to dwell on this black cloud hovering above. We talk about trips we should take this year but stop short of reminding each other why there should be some urgency in planning them. Everything's the same, but everything has changed. It's an odd feeling. For that reason, this may be one of my only posts on E's situation. I don't like to think about it and I know he doesn't want to read about it. But I needed to get something down. Here's to hoping for the best. And preparing for the absolute worst.

FORE!

Me: What's on the agenda today?
Friend: I just dedicated time to thinking up dirty dinosaur names
Friend: So I got that done...
Me: Now I wanna watch Jurassic Park
Friend: It's frightening in the dark
Me: It's gonna be in 3D this year
Me: I've never seen it in the theatre
Friend: Hmmm...I don't think I did either. I'm excited about it.
Me: Me too. We saw it at the drive-in. Which was foreskin terrifying
Me: LOL Freakin'. Freakin' terrifying. Good god iPhone
Friend: LOL That bad huh?
Me: Lol It may have been foreskin terrifying for someone but it definitely wasn't me
Friend: That. Was. Awesome.

=====

Me: Well I would if she'd leave me alone
Friend: Women man...
Friend: Giuseppe, a woman is like a bus
Friend: You ride them til the end of the line and then you get your transfer
Me: LOL Wtf??
Friend: lol I heard it on Moesha. Only it was in reference to our gender
Me: lol So you managed to take one line from a show and bring down minorities and women all at the same time
Friend: LOL The shame

I'll Paint Your Wagon!

Sometime ago, a friend got so upset with me that she said she was going to paint my wagon. The expression caught on and is now used whenever anyone wants to issue a threat to someone else. It was used again today and resulted in hilariousness.

Friend: *paints wagon*
Me: *wagon looks at itself in the mirror and says, 'Who's spackled up like a pretty whore? You are, baby!'*
Friend: LOL I fuckin' love you

Also, my brother-in-law is looking for someone to go to a basketball game with now that my cousin, his game buddy, is out of town for awhile. My mom suggested he take someone who isn't a huge basketball fan and see if he could convert them. But he reminded us all of the time he took me to a game under similar circumstances. No one else could go with him so I did. That night still haunts the both of us apparently.

Bro-In-Law: Yeah I'll take someone who doesn't like bball. Cuz I'm down for another night of horror.
Me: It wasn't that bad
BIL: LOL Ok...let's see...first you complained about us having to park so far away, then you complained about the price of a soda.
Me: Well it was ridiculous!
BIL: But wait there's more!
BIL: Then I had to hear, 'Why are they stopping again?' every single time there was a stoppage.
BIL: Followed by repeated, "Can we leave yet?" comments
BIL: It was like being at a game with a 6-year-old who has ADD.
BIL: "I want nachos", "I'm tired", "I'm bored"
Sister: LOL Wow
Me: lol Well I was
Sister: Why did you leave early again? Because of the complaints?
BIL: No. We left because someone said, "Who's that white guy on the court?". And he did not use his inside voice.
Me: LOL That was awesome, I forgot about that
Me: I guess that's your excuse for not getting ice cream on the way home. Because I "embarrassed" you.
BIL: lol Damn right. I wasn't gonna swing by Baskin & Robbins after you made me have to apologize to a bunch of white folks on the way out of the arena

Put All Your Fears To Rest, Who Do I Love The Best

When my sister and I were kids, we begged our mother for a cassette player for our birthday (yes, a cassette player). Because our mom is awesome, she got us this little white radio with a single cassette deck and a strap so we could carry it around. The strap was totally 80's too; mint green and hot pink with some specks of black thrown in. And we took that sucker EVERYWHERE. being that we was poor, we only had a couple of tapes to play so we would alternate between them. I don't remember the other one, but the one that got the most play was The Jets debut album. I love this band and always have, but it's a little shocking how few people actually remember them, or have even heard of them. I think a lot of people recognize the songs but don't know who sings them, especially since their music is still widely played in various stores. They're also sometimes referred to as a one or two hit wonder but in reality they had quite a few hits. However this song was perhaps their biggest (it's a tie between this one and another song called "Make It Real", I encourage you to YouTube that and other songs by them). It's definitely my favorite song by The Jets and one of my favorite love songs of all time. Fun fact: the voice you hear on this track is of a 12-year-old. TWELVE. Now those are some chops. Fun fact numero dos: Rupert Holmes, better known as the writer/singer of "The Piña Colada Song", wrote this song. Enjoy.

The Truth About Love Is It's All A Lie, I Thought You Were The One And I Hate Goodbyes

My cousin is having a very difficult time getting over his ex-girlfriend. They dated for seven on and off years and he thought they were headed towards marriage. When he decided to propose, he floated the idea of a wedding to his girlfriend and she shot him down. Not only did she shoot him down, she dropped a bomb about how she no longer felt she wanted to be married. As if that weren't enough, the cousin suspected an affair had taken place months prior and he finally confronted her about it. She confirmed it and he called it quits. They went back and forth for a few weeks as he tried to extricate himself from the situation and she begged him to take her back. Eventually he decided he couldn't trust her and severed all ties. But he knew it would be tough to not get sucked back into their relationship so he avoided her at all costs, even having other people pack up her things and remove them from his house. A few days after her stuff was delivered to her, she stopped calling. A week after that, she became engaged to some older dude. Shockingly, they broke it off months later and she began trying to contact the cousin again. For awhile he considered taking her back but changed his mind when he began creeping around with his old high school flame. His married high school flame. And it was even more complicated that just her being married. He and this chick had dated all through high school and remained friends after they broke up. But when he started dating his ex it became apparent that she and old flame could not coexist because the former was insanely jealous of his relationship with the latter. So she gave him an ultimatum - sever all ties with the flame or they were over. He complied. So, even though they were apart, his ex was still furious that he'd reunited with someone she loathed (and always worried he'd go back to). She launched all kinds of acts to try and derail his life and make sure they couldn't be together, the most severe of which was telling the flame's husband about the affair. The affair ended for reasons other than that, but his ex has been such a presence in his life the past year that he has not yet mourned the end of their relationship. He finally told her where to go a couple of months ago and threw himself into work. Now that he's working less, it's hitting him that this is the real end and he's been pretty depressed about it.
Currently, the cousin is in the 'all relationships suck, why bother' phase of mourning. He's going out more than he ever has, drinking a bit more than usual (but he never drank much to begin with) and telling anyone who will listen about what happened. He's thoroughly convinced he won't find someone he's as compatible with, and he hasn't really encountered anyone that he wants to date, on the rebound or otherwise. Although he has yet to say anything yet, I know he's also mad as hell about the way she treated him. I think it's a bit of a good thing that it ended between them though. She was 17 when they met and he wasn't much older. He had dated high school flame, then someone else and on the heels of that break-up, he met and began dating this most recent ex. He's gonna be 30 this year and he hasn't spent any significant amount of time out of a relationship. He wants to get married and have babies but the chances of any long-term thing lasting are slim if he doesn't figure out who he is first. His dad suggested he take a year, at least, to be by himself and date and not immediately jump into anything serious. He swears that's what he's going to do but I wouldn't be surprised if he came around with a new girlfriend in the next few months. But there have been some signs that he wants to get out there and commit to his dating around resolution. Over the weekend, he approached a woman that he found attractive. Unfortunately, it did not go well. She and her friend came over to our table and we were all having a great conversation until another cousin said something in Spanish. This chick's demeanor totally changed and she asked if we were all Latin. Once she confirmed that we were, she began saying her goodbyes, saying she was flattered that the cousin had approached her but that she doesn't date Latin men. Apparently she doesn't even take it on a case by case basis, she just does not date Latin dudes, period. And here's the kicker - she was Latin too. That began a discussion about why she won't date our kind and boy did she ever have a laundry list of reasons. We're "insanely jealous", we're "overly possessive", we "can't handle a successful woman" and we all want to relegate our women to the typical housewife role, taking care of the kids and cooking and cleaning. Yep, ALL of us want that. It was such a broad generalization on her part. It is possible that every Latin dude she's dated has been that way, but it's also possible she's drawing this conclusion from only a few bad relationships. And even then, it was her own taste that led her into those relationships. I wasn't surprised by the statement, those are all stereotypes of Latin dudes anyway, but I have to say she is the first Latin woman I've come across who flat out refuses to date her own kind. It's not even that she isn't attracted to that type, obviously she is, but just that she's put us all in this undateable box. And I don't understand that way of thinking.
A friend of mine user to say that she wouldn't rule out being bi-sexual or even a lesbian because she didn't want to cut herself off to half of the population, any of whom could be her soulmate. That's how I've always felt about dating other races. Why would you eliminate an entire ethnicity of people based on one or two bad experiences? My ex-fiancé is Latin and that relationship put me through the wringer ten times over. Did it stop me from dating other Latin women? Nope. My cousin was all kindsa wronged by his ex, who was white, but he's still seeking out that type of woman (and apparently he should stick to that since this other chick wrote him off). We can't help what race, gender or nationality we're attracted to. You find love in the places you'd least expect, often with the people you'd least expect. But I realize not everyone thinks that way, some people refuse to date a certain type or race because of bias or something worse. I dated someone my friends call 'tiny Jesus girl' (long story) and she refused to give me the time of day because I was a "bad boy". But I convinced her to give me a shot. And it was a trainwreck...so maybe this was a bad example. But here's a better one. The best friend is attracted to Latin dudes and had dated them pretty exclusively since high school. In college, she was asked out by a Brit and turned him down a few times before finally relenting and agreeing to go to one party with him. They stayed together nearly a year and a half after that party. See, that's a far better example of finding something great because you were open minded. The point is that sometimes we fall for exactly who we think we should, but most of the time we don't. And at the end of the day, love should be our greatest motivation in life. There will be tons of goodbyes and ends to relationships but eventually you find one that sticks. And it's never perfect but, if it's with the right person, it's enough. I hope the cousin finds that at some point. I hope we all do.

And Today's Grand Prize Is...

In keeping with this weekend's apparent theme:

Cousin-in-law: You know, you're awfully good at solving marital problems. Maybe you should lift your marriage ban!
Me: Ha. Your marital problems are like a 70's game show - just because I'm good at it doesn't mean I want the home version.

I Take For Granted That You're Always There, I Take For Granted That You Just Don't Care

This song has been stuck in my head for days now. I don't remember the first time I heard it but I know that it's one of my favorites. I'm not even 100% sure what it's about (kinda sounds like an affair though), but I still love it. It's always reminded me of those times when you're kind of on and off with an ex that really meant something to you. It's a down low kind of thing but the lines can get so blurred that you start caring in ways you shouldn't and expecting things that you shouldn't. Just the whole vibe of the song is total 70's.