The Truth About Love Is It's All A Lie, I Thought You Were The One And I Hate Goodbyes

My cousin is having a very difficult time getting over his ex-girlfriend. They dated for seven on and off years and he thought they were headed towards marriage. When he decided to propose, he floated the idea of a wedding to his girlfriend and she shot him down. Not only did she shoot him down, she dropped a bomb about how she no longer felt she wanted to be married. As if that weren't enough, the cousin suspected an affair had taken place months prior and he finally confronted her about it. She confirmed it and he called it quits. They went back and forth for a few weeks as he tried to extricate himself from the situation and she begged him to take her back. Eventually he decided he couldn't trust her and severed all ties. But he knew it would be tough to not get sucked back into their relationship so he avoided her at all costs, even having other people pack up her things and remove them from his house. A few days after her stuff was delivered to her, she stopped calling. A week after that, she became engaged to some older dude. Shockingly, they broke it off months later and she began trying to contact the cousin again. For awhile he considered taking her back but changed his mind when he began creeping around with his old high school flame. His married high school flame. And it was even more complicated that just her being married. He and this chick had dated all through high school and remained friends after they broke up. But when he started dating his ex it became apparent that she and old flame could not coexist because the former was insanely jealous of his relationship with the latter. So she gave him an ultimatum - sever all ties with the flame or they were over. He complied. So, even though they were apart, his ex was still furious that he'd reunited with someone she loathed (and always worried he'd go back to). She launched all kinds of acts to try and derail his life and make sure they couldn't be together, the most severe of which was telling the flame's husband about the affair. The affair ended for reasons other than that, but his ex has been such a presence in his life the past year that he has not yet mourned the end of their relationship. He finally told her where to go a couple of months ago and threw himself into work. Now that he's working less, it's hitting him that this is the real end and he's been pretty depressed about it.
Currently, the cousin is in the 'all relationships suck, why bother' phase of mourning. He's going out more than he ever has, drinking a bit more than usual (but he never drank much to begin with) and telling anyone who will listen about what happened. He's thoroughly convinced he won't find someone he's as compatible with, and he hasn't really encountered anyone that he wants to date, on the rebound or otherwise. Although he has yet to say anything yet, I know he's also mad as hell about the way she treated him. I think it's a bit of a good thing that it ended between them though. She was 17 when they met and he wasn't much older. He had dated high school flame, then someone else and on the heels of that break-up, he met and began dating this most recent ex. He's gonna be 30 this year and he hasn't spent any significant amount of time out of a relationship. He wants to get married and have babies but the chances of any long-term thing lasting are slim if he doesn't figure out who he is first. His dad suggested he take a year, at least, to be by himself and date and not immediately jump into anything serious. He swears that's what he's going to do but I wouldn't be surprised if he came around with a new girlfriend in the next few months. But there have been some signs that he wants to get out there and commit to his dating around resolution. Over the weekend, he approached a woman that he found attractive. Unfortunately, it did not go well. She and her friend came over to our table and we were all having a great conversation until another cousin said something in Spanish. This chick's demeanor totally changed and she asked if we were all Latin. Once she confirmed that we were, she began saying her goodbyes, saying she was flattered that the cousin had approached her but that she doesn't date Latin men. Apparently she doesn't even take it on a case by case basis, she just does not date Latin dudes, period. And here's the kicker - she was Latin too. That began a discussion about why she won't date our kind and boy did she ever have a laundry list of reasons. We're "insanely jealous", we're "overly possessive", we "can't handle a successful woman" and we all want to relegate our women to the typical housewife role, taking care of the kids and cooking and cleaning. Yep, ALL of us want that. It was such a broad generalization on her part. It is possible that every Latin dude she's dated has been that way, but it's also possible she's drawing this conclusion from only a few bad relationships. And even then, it was her own taste that led her into those relationships. I wasn't surprised by the statement, those are all stereotypes of Latin dudes anyway, but I have to say she is the first Latin woman I've come across who flat out refuses to date her own kind. It's not even that she isn't attracted to that type, obviously she is, but just that she's put us all in this undateable box. And I don't understand that way of thinking.
A friend of mine user to say that she wouldn't rule out being bi-sexual or even a lesbian because she didn't want to cut herself off to half of the population, any of whom could be her soulmate. That's how I've always felt about dating other races. Why would you eliminate an entire ethnicity of people based on one or two bad experiences? My ex-fiancé is Latin and that relationship put me through the wringer ten times over. Did it stop me from dating other Latin women? Nope. My cousin was all kindsa wronged by his ex, who was white, but he's still seeking out that type of woman (and apparently he should stick to that since this other chick wrote him off). We can't help what race, gender or nationality we're attracted to. You find love in the places you'd least expect, often with the people you'd least expect. But I realize not everyone thinks that way, some people refuse to date a certain type or race because of bias or something worse. I dated someone my friends call 'tiny Jesus girl' (long story) and she refused to give me the time of day because I was a "bad boy". But I convinced her to give me a shot. And it was a trainwreck...so maybe this was a bad example. But here's a better one. The best friend is attracted to Latin dudes and had dated them pretty exclusively since high school. In college, she was asked out by a Brit and turned him down a few times before finally relenting and agreeing to go to one party with him. They stayed together nearly a year and a half after that party. See, that's a far better example of finding something great because you were open minded. The point is that sometimes we fall for exactly who we think we should, but most of the time we don't. And at the end of the day, love should be our greatest motivation in life. There will be tons of goodbyes and ends to relationships but eventually you find one that sticks. And it's never perfect but, if it's with the right person, it's enough. I hope the cousin finds that at some point. I hope we all do.