Randoms

~ I love my mother. A week ago she entered the current century when she got a smartphone. Middle of the week she calls me from her home phone asking how to text. Then, she cancels her home phone (which she was planning to do anyway). Yesterday, she texts me asking how to answer her phone. I'm enrolling her in a Verizon class to learn how to use the damn thing. Although...that would extinguish the hilarity we have going on now...decisions, decisions.

~ My friend D is on a bit of a spree dater. One man this week, another man the next. Which is why we can never keep up with the names of the mensz. And apparently, neither can she.

Me: I thought you were dating Damian this week?
Best Friend: Derek
G: Dave
D: Ya'll, I don't even remember his name half the time

~ My friend G is in the process of naming the eight new computers his mom just got for her business. Perfect storm yo.

G I have to figure out what to name them
Best Friend: Huey, Dewey and Louis
D: You're four names short
Me: Well maybe you should name them after DamianDerekDave so she can remember who she's dating

~ Lastly, it's always nice when someone you've never shown your ass to confirms they have never seen your ass.

Me: I read good
Friend: You went to the Mugatu center for kids who don't read good didn't you?
Friend: You got your money's worth when he told you to get rid of the Jersey Shore hair but
Friend: LOL CUT!
Me: lol Wtf was that?
Me: Did you just call my ass hairy and say it has a Jersey Shore haircut?
Friend: lol No! I've never even seen your ass
Me: LOL Thank you for clarifying
Friend: LOL If I could, I'd blush
Me: I guess that blinking red light in the shower is nothing to worry about after all