Stand By Your (Wo)Maaaaaaan

It is not often someone gets their very own tag on this here blog. A tag is a symbol of Walk of Fame-esque status because it means our conversations are so hilarious/blasphemous/inappropriate that I find myself laughing about them days or even weeks later. And Miss AK certainly deserves her own tag. And in record time too, she and my cousin have only been dating about five months. Like myself, Miss AK has absolutely no filter between her brain and her mouth so you never know what she'll say next (I mean, this is the woman who came up with "legato" over Christmas). Over the weekend, the womensz in my life decided to take over the TV and watch a bunch of chick channel movies. So the dudes decided to heckle their movies until they gave up the remote and let us watch what we wanted. It didn't work out as planned. It worked out even better.

Cousin: This is so hokey.

Me: I, for one, am having a great time watching your intelligent women's channel or whatever the hell it is.

AK: Ok, first off, it's Lifetime Movie Network, NOT for intelligent women. Second, the other channel is Women's Entertainment, also not intelligent women. Lastly, and most disappointingly coming from a grammar whore like you, 'intelligent' isn't spelled with an 'E'. Do you have anything to say, [cousin]??

Cousin: Yes. You're not in any way, shape or form an intelligent woman, babe.

AK: Thank you!!

Then, this morning, there was this little gem:

AK: Sooooo Gabrielle Union is giving out relationship advice...
Y: LOL Girl...
Aunt: Why is that funny?
Cousin: She's the one who's dating the basketball player who knocked up another woman
AK: Yeah. Except now they're engaged.
Aunt: Are you serious??
Me: Yep. They said they were on a "break" to make him look like less of a dog, but social media posts proved otherwise.
Aunt: Jeez...
AK: I mean, seriously? SHE is giving relationship advice? That's like...well, you giving relationship advice.
Me: ...That is true.
Cousin: LOL. Only he has the sense NOT to dish out relationship advice.
Y: Or advice on walking on the moon
AK: Cuz you know about as much about both of those things. Seriously, why are you so terrible at relationships?
Me: 'Scuse you, that's none of your damn business
AK: I mean, just looking at you, I'd assume you weren't very good at them but still...
Me: WTF does that mean??
AK: You know...you look like...
Me: Like...?
AK: You're really going to make me say it? You look like a common whore. Like 'Arthur'. A playboy. Incapable of keeping things together but a hell of a fun ride, while it lasts.
Me: ...I would like to respectfully disagree...but that would be a lie lol
AK: LOL But at least you're honest about it. I take back what I said. You, I would take relationship advice from.
Cousin: LOL Aaaaaaaaand I foresee our relationship dying a horrible, Giuseppe advised death.

Congratulations on your appointment, AK. Well done.