Why is race such a big deal? I took my niece and two of my nephews to a hockey game recently and the people sitting behind us were flipping through a program about the home team, which includes a biracial player and an African American player (both still kinda rare in hockey). They began a conversation about race and how neither of them agreed with "people mixing" and everyone should marry their own color. I learned a long time ago that you can't say anything to people like that to make them change their minds on that subject so it didn't even cross my mind to say anything to them. I was more concerned with the kids, one of whom is mixed, overhearing this crap so I tried to focus their attention on the game. I find it sad that so many people still feel that way about race and I'm hopeful that someday that attitude will die out and everyone sees each other as people instead of as colors.
Few things get me riled up more than racism. I grew up in a predominantly Latino neighborhood and went to schools where about 96% of the student bodies were Latino. One would assume that would bias me towards my own race, I've actually had many acquaintances who thought just that. But my mother is the product of an interracial marriage (my grandpa was White, grandma was Mexican) and without that, she's not here and neither am I, nor my daughter. On top of that, my grandma's best friend was a very proud Italian lady who eventually married an African American dude, as did her daughter who also had five beautiful biracial kids that I consider my cousins. My best friend since birth is half Indian and half White and we were inseparable as kids so I spent a lot of time at her house, which I'm sure had a big effect on me as well. So while some people who hear I was raised in a Latino community assume that I must be...close minded in some ways about race, those who hear the whole story realize I was actually exposed to a ton of different cultures growing up.
I don't remember when I first became aware of race in general, but I do remember a conversation my siblings and I had with my mom when we were about 8-years-old. We'd just come from some Christmas program thing at our school and one of our teachers had come over to congratulate us on our performance and asked where our mom was so she could meet her. Mom was standing right next to us but she's very fair-skinned and we're all dark so no one ever thinks we're related. It was the first time I was conscious of color but I didn't think anything more of it and it eventually became like a game when we went to school events and waited for someone to ask that question about our mother. I didn't feel any less connected to her just because we didn't look the same. And I don't remember much emphasis about race, either in school or in our neighborhood, when I was growing up. People have always just been people to me.
However race played a huge part in how the mother of my child was raised. Being 12 years my senior, she grew up in a different time than I did and was constantly harassed about being biracial. It could've done a number on her self-esteem; growing up in a predominately White environment and knowing that that is half your heritage but you look African American and so are treated as such. But her mother was amazing in letting her know that the people who couldn't accept her were the ones with the problem, as well as helping her embrace both sides of who she is. Fast forward to when we began dating and she had some friends express concern over our relationship, which she assumed was due to the age difference. We later found out it had nothing to do with age and everything to do with race and she immediately cut those people out of her life. She couldn't be friends with anyone who couldn't see the beauty in her having a mixed child.
And so I guess that's why I'm asking now what race has to do with anything, because of my daughter. She has a whole mix of heritages and it's pretty apparent to most people when they see her. In a total genetic curveball, we ended up with a dark blonde, blue-ish/green-ish eyed little girl who is a bit lighter than both of her dark-skinned parents. We're thinking the eyes are from me and our mothers who all have light eyes, and our moms are also probably where she gets the light skin tone from. The hair we're chalking up to her maternal grandma who is blonde. But her hair is also...let's say wild and is the giveaway to her African roots. And, of course I would say this as a proud daddy, she's gorgeous (lucky for her she looks like her mom) and everyone in her life is accepting of everything that she is but I know not everyone throughout her life is gonna feel the same way. We can expose her to all of her cultures and raise her to be proud of who she is, and all that she is, but someday we have to send her out to the big, bad world on her own .No one can protect her from close minded people forever, as much as we'd like to. And that seriously sucks.
My family is full of kids who are a little of everything; two of my cousins are part African American, one of my nieces and one nephew are part Chinese, one nephew is Brazilian and there are sure to be many more mixes in the future since most of us are in interracial relationships. I think that's awesome. But I have cousins on another side of the family who refuse to accept their Mexican heritage and are passing along that form of self-hate to their own kids. I think it's important to know everything you are and even more important to accept it. You may not like it, you may not relate to it but I think you're screwing yourself, not to mention your kids, if you can't be accepting of it. In the end color is such a small part of who we are. What's on the inside is what counts. But you can't cure racism. I tell ya, I have no clue how my family managed to produce such color blind kids but if I did, I'd bottle that stuff and sell it. Not for the money but for something more valuable - my daughter never having to deal with racism.
