Why is it assumed that if you're a single parent who has decided to give dating that good old college try that you must be looking for a mother/father for your kid?? Did I miss the memo that says that's what single parents are supposed to be on the lookout for? Cuz it kinda seems like I did. I know some folks won't date people with kids because they know the kid is always going to be the first priority to the person. And that's fine, to each their own, everybody has their dating preferences. But I've noticed recently that there seems to be some kind of disengagement when some people find out you have a kid. My single parent friends and I have come to refer to this as "The Pause". Another single dad I know was out recently with someone and everything was going very well until he mentioned his daughter. Suddenly she leaned back in her chair and couldn't wait to get out of the joint. It's like, "I have a kid" translates to, "My kid needs a mommy/daddy" to some regular old single folks. Obviously some people are looking for a parent for their kid, so I guess I understand that reaction on some level. But to assume we're all looking for that is just stupid.
I've dated one woman who had a son and I knew about him prior to our dating. We even went on an outing as a trio once and it was a lot of fun. I wasn't a father then, nor did I intend to ever be one, but I thought there was something about the way she was with her child that made her that much more attractive. She later went all fatal attraction on me, but I still can say that she's a good parent. I didn't know what her situation was with the kid's dad at that time but I didn't freak out and think she wanted me to settle down right away and parent him. I imagine this problem is probably much worse for single moms since dudes, you know, kinda suck when it comes to such matters. But I didn't realize it was even an issue with women discriminating against single dads. And because it's an immediate disconnect when they find out, they're usually uninterested in hearing anything more about the kid.
I will say that being a parent has not really altered my standards at all. I didn't really need much pre-kid, I don't need much post-kid. I guess the only real set thing is that while I don't mind dating someone with kids, I can't do more than one baby daddy. I'm having a hard enough time navigating me, the kid, her mother and whomever comes along on either of our sides. Can't imagine bringing a bunch of other dudes into the fray. But I know that whomever I eventually end up with will have to understand and be okay with the fact that my girl is always gonna come first for me. It'd be nice if she fell for both me and the kid so there wouldn't be any kind of weird jealousy. My daughter has a mother and she is a tremendous mother. She doesn't need another one. This person is obviously going to be a part of her life but in what capacity...well, I guess we'll cross that bridge when/if we come to it. My thing now though seems to be that I'm VERY protective of who I bring around the kid. She's never met anyone I've dated. Probably sounds very old-fashioned but I don't want to bring a bunch of random women around her. I think it'd be too confusing. I guess I have done the single parent dating thing longer than I thought since I had the teenager prior to the toddler. I didn't like bringing anyone around her either, interestingly enough. Very protective (perhaps just a lil overly so) of all my girls apparently.
