Having the sex talk with your kids (or kids you're close to) is never a comfortable situation. Fortunately my teenager had already had that convo by the time we started our awkward journey of growing up together. But we've still had to have mini-conversations about sex that are uncomfortable for the both of us. Still, I'm glad she has me (or the female best friend) to go to when she needs to talk about something. Awkward as it is, better to be safe than sorry and I'm happy she knows that at such a young age cuz it seems to be a harder lesson to learn these days.
I've never been uncomfortable talking about sex in general. My first exposure to the topic was when I was around 9 and my mom took us to a bookstore and everyone spread out to look at whatever interested them. The three of us kids were ready to go but she was still looking at something and took forever to finish and the next day we found out why. She handed us each the same book called, 'Where Do Babies Come From?' and told us to read it. The pictures are hysterical (I recently found it in a box in the basement) and I wish I could remember what 9-year-old me thought when he saw them. They were very basic pictures obviously and, as was typical with potentially embarrassing topics in our household, we didn't ask questions and mom didn't ask if we had questions and on about our lives we went. That same year my sister and I had a sex-ed class in fifth grade that was laughable and again in seventh grade (at a Catholic school), which wasn't much better. It wasn't about staying abstinent but they didn't hand out condoms either, it gave a very general description of what went where and assumed we could figure out the rest I suppose.
Flash forward to high school when two out of three of us were sexually active and mom was none the wiser about it. Until she found a condom wrapper in the bottom of a trash can. She didn't say anything but she looked at all of us weird for the next two months and asked if there was anything we needed to tell her in that way that moms do (you know the tone I'm talking about). None of us said a thing and she must've figured that she shouldn't make a big deal out of it since we seemed to be practicing safe sex anyway. I mean, what could she do really? Grounding us wouldn't have stopped it. Telling us not to do it wouldn't it have stopped it either. It's just the law of the teenager; the more you tell me not to do it, the more I wanna do it just because (which is why abstinence only programs tend to not work).
When I was in high school, throughout the entire four years, I knew of only two girls who became pregnant. I didn't know either of them but I had half of my classes with one and I felt bad for her because she was ignored by most of her peers and I knew the father wasn't at all involved (everybody knew their drama). But was he ignored by his friends or classmates? Of course not, cuz it was perceived to be her fault that she "let" herself get pregnant. Other than those two pregnancies, I don't remember sex being a big issue at my high school. Obviously a lot of us were doing it but we weren't making a big deal about it during school hours. The school didn't have to do anything to discourage overly sexual behavior nor did they have to hand out condoms because they had a ton of expectant mother roaming the hallways.
As the father of a daughter who will never date (wishful thinking, I know but let me live in my denial as long as possible okay?), I'm concerned about how soon kids, and especially girls, are being exposed to sex nowadays. Not to mention the pressure that goes along with it. I've heard horror stories of sex bracelets (given out according to what a girl has or hasn't done), sex competitions and pregnancy pacts. Then you have shows on MTV that seem to glorify teen pregnancy (have a baby and get on the cover of a magazine, kids!). Anyone who has seen ten minutes of one of these shows can tell you how ill-prepared those kids are for parenthood. And they shouldn't be prepared, they should still be kids worrying about trivial stuff like dances and crushes. I don't think those shows cover enough about the aftermath of giving birth to a baby. They don't hammer home that it isn't about being famous or that you're likely not going to spend the rest of your life with the dude who knocked you up and disappeared after you told him about the baby. The one consistent thing on these shows is that about half the hour is spent chronicling the girl trying to get back the "father" who got ghost real soon after she told him she was pregnant (some things never change apparently). Add to all that the cavalier attitude that kids seem to have now about sex (ie. thinking oral sex isn't sex so what's the harm in doing it) and you have one rough world for a parent to raise a kid in.
My 11-year-old niece is well into puberty and is going to be entering middle school next year. I had been counting my blessings that she hasn't asked a single sex-related question yet. But my luck in that area has likely just run out. I'll get to see her soon and she's already hinted in conversation that she has something she wants to talk to me about. I know my sister has had "the talk" with her but I half-expected that she might have something to ask me about at some point. We are insanely close and have been since the day she was born. And that's kinda why I'm freaking out a little. I didn't meet my teenager until she was about 8 so that's a different situation. I've never had this kinda talk with anyone I once held in my arms. That seems like so long ago and I know it's gonna be good practice for when I have to do this with my daughter but still. It's gonna be awkward and I'm gonna squirm and she's probably gonna squirm but it's gotta be done because I want her to be safe and smart. I don't want her to follow the crowd and end up with f**ked up ideals and fall for the lies of some horny teenage boy. *sigh* Why do they have to grow up at all, huh?
