I've heard from two ex-girlfriends in the past week. I keep in occasional contact with some of my exes but it's rather sporadic. Usually I just get a text or an email when something major happens or I send a text when I hear something bad happened. So to hear from two in one week is...interesting.
Ex number one and I were set up by a mutual friend who tried to get us together for years. I was always busy manwhoring and she was always busy traveling. But the stars aligned (or rather, out mutual friend made them align) and we were both lured to the same bar on the same night. Admittedly, I wasn't completely taken in the first night. But we did have a lot in common and dated casually for awhile. It started to get serious but I wasn't really in a place for that. We lingered for awhile before she proposed the idea if an open relationship. I should've been all for it since I wasn't fit to commit, but I declined and eventually she ended it (not just because of that). We weren't friends for awhile after but have since found some sort of happy medium. She is apparently considering having a baby and, since she isn't in a relationship right now, she wanted to know if I would...uh...help her out with that. I think the conversation went something like;
Her: "I'm thinking of having a baby."
Me: "Wow, congrats!"
Her: "I'm single though..."
Me: "Then..."
[moment of clarity]
Me: "Oh..."
I declined but I think she was only half-serious anyway. Definitely unexpected though.
Ex number two and I have had a long, winding road together. We were also set up on a blind date but it was very different from the date with ex number one. I was enamored from the start. And I stayed that way the entire relationship. But she wasn't ready for what we were becoming. Things became even more complicated near the end and she decided to leave. My heart's been broken a handful of times and that definitely ranks high on the list in terms of pain. I did not want it to end. But I knew it was probably for the best. We've since dipped in and out of each other's lives, sometimes as lovers but mostly as friends. She ended the lovers part of the equation (again) quite awhile ago because she didn't want to keep me from "other things" (her words, not mine). We've come close to severing all ties a few times but have never actually gone through with it. At the end of the day, I think she likes knowing that she can call if something really shakes her up. On this day she called to ask for some references for a project she's about to start. After we hung up, I got to thinking about the real reason she decided to call us off. I'm not convinced it was just because she wasn't ready. I think she was definitely scared about the sparks flying and all that but she also wondered what else was out there. Five-ish years later, she's still single. Her pattern has always been to date until she gets bored and then be single for awhile. She doesn't talk to me about her personal life obviously, but we have friends in common and every now and then I hear what she's up to. It's funny though, I guess that whole 'goes around comes around' thing is true. Ex number one and I had a convo awhile after we broke up where I basically asked her why she thought we didn't make it and she said she felt like I was still on the lookout for something better. Then, ex number two is on the lookout for something more and I get left behind. Some of that is just the nature of humans, always waiting for something more or what they consider to be better.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Friday, August 30, 2013
But I Hate You, I Really Hate You So Much I Think It Must Be True Love
I've spoken before of my fandom for Pink. Love the voice, love the attitude, love most of her albums, (she's also fantastic live). I also dig how she and the husband worked things out instead of splitting permanently. Not enough people do that anymore. And I can relate to this song big time since it's basically a description of a past relationship. And also because I am told more than once a week that someone would like to both hug me and strangle me all in the same moment. I'm is special that way.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
We Got Money For Wars But Can't Feed The Poor
As you know, I don't really follow politics because they bore the hell out of me. Politicians strike me as a bunch of grade school children in adult bodies; they whine, they lie and they have no eye to the future and instead text impulsively to everything. The Republicans have been particularly juvenile since Obama toon office, deciding to pick up their marbles and go home whenever they don't like a policy (and let's face it, a good amount of their behavior has to do with Obama being African-American). Politics are just this endless cycle of stating what you're going to get done if people vote for you and then doing the complete opposite once you're elected. And I feel this way about all politicians, not just the Republicans. Did I one thousand percent believe Barack was gonna change the world in four or eight years? Hell no. But after suffering through the Bush administration, I was willing to pay my money and take my chances with whoever was running against Mitt Romney (seriously, the Democrats could've nominated a hamster as their candidate and I would've voted for it). Five years later, Obama has been about what I've expected. Yes, he's compromised on some things but with the way our government is set up he can't just declare something the new world order and have it be gospel. It has to go through this house and that house and all of those big, historic houses in Washington are filled with the same third graders in disguise. And the cycle begins again. Obama's has his moments; legalizing gay marriage, finding the terrorist responsible for 9/11, and I've agreed with much of what he's done. But I'm not on board with this whole "lets track Syria" thing. I understand why he wants to do it but I'm not sure all of the consequences have been considered. If this is a U.S.led attack, who do you think retaliation will be against? These people have had NO problem launching chemical weapons on their own citizens for the hell of it. Do you really believe they'll think twice (or rationally) before turning those weapons on their aggressors? I don't know about ya'll, but I am not in any hurry to mess around with chemical weapons. We do know for a fact that they have them, this isn't like the made-up weapons thing in Iraq. But still. This do not seem like the best idea. I feel awful about innocent people being killed for no reason, especially the kids, but an attack would trigger an even higher death toll and potentially move the fight here at some point. I just have a bad feeling about it all. And I had the same bad feeling when the U.S. began bombing Iraq. And look how well that turned out. We'll all wait and see, I guess.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Cougarville
I have this friend (no, it's not me) who is obsessed with any and all reality shows, provided they're deemed what she calls "tasteful" (oxymoron, no reality show is ever tasteful or ever worth a watch, but I digress). When it is the reality-monger's turn to choose what we watch on TV, we always know it will be some kind of trashy programming (although I guess our standards collectively lowered when we agreed to watch "Sharknado"). And this week she did not disappoint. There was a special awhile back on TLC called, "Extreme Cougar Wives". It is as it sounds, a show about much older women dating much younger men. Like every popular special on TLC, they decided this could be a series and have begun chronicling three May-December romances per episode. So far there have been two episodes and I have been extremely uncomfortable throughout them both. I'm sure you're thinking I can relate to the subject matter and that this show is right up my alley, but honestly it kinda creeps me out. They're not showing five or ten year differences, they're showing 30 and even 40 year differences. To put that in perspective, your favorite manwhore has only dated as old as 15 years his senior and was pretty self-conscious in that relationship.
It was completely lust that drew me into a relationship with this chick. She was in her 40's, I was in my early 20's and had zero interest in anything long-term or meaningful. It was just for fun and I think we both freaked out when it took a turn for the serious, which is why it ended. I couldn't fathom ending up with someone that much older than me. She's pushing 50 now and I'm 32. Just...no.
The dudes in this show, however, had no issue with the major age differences. Most seemed to be in for life. I just don't get some of the pairings though. One woman was in her 50's with a teenage daughter and had been divorced three times and was engaged to a 24-year-old dude. Her daughter was understandably not a fan of the relationship and she and the fiance' bickered like kids when they were in the same room together. He was closer in age to the daughter than he was to his future Mrs. and when the two of them argued, she scolded them both. Who the hell wants to go to bed at night with someone who scolds them like a child during the day? Even odder was a segment when her best friend came over and she obviously also didn't get along with the dude. And the friend's presence was a reminder of how wide the age difference was because she uses a cane to get around and has greying hair. I mean, really? If you're under the age of 45 and your wife's BFF uses a cane then maybe you need to reevaluate your life dude. As if that weren't enough, they showed their engagement party and the preparations for it and they went to buy the dude a suit. His first suit EVER. At age 24. It was also weird because the guy came off as really immature and the woman was not at all attractive.
There was one guy in all of this who didn't seem sold on the long-term thing. He was also in his early twenties and his chick was 54 and trying WAY too hard to hold onto her youth. (To put that in perspective for you, my mom is 54 and this guy was probably a good ten years younger than me.) Everything this chick wore looked like something from Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time" video, complete with assless pants. We're talking, assless pants worn to the damn grocery store. Her backstory was murky but she had a son who was not much younger than her boyfriend, whom she'd been dating for about two months. Both of my girl friends (Y & A) thought the boyfriend was very good looking and were perplexed as to why he was with a woman who looked at least a decade older than she actually was. Long, scraggly black hair and stretch marks aren't what you envision when you think of someone who lands a good looking younger dude. He claimed to love her crazy nature (newsflash: there are PLENTY of crazy chicks your own age, son) and she couldn't really list a reason why she liked him. Cameras rolled as he decided it was a fantastic idea to introduce this woman to his family which includes; his blonde, Jewish mother, his Italian bodybuilder step-father and his sweet little grandmother. As his girlfriend prepped for the meeting, she tried on various outfits, most of which showed a lotta skin. She settled on something that covered her ass but had her boobs pushed up and out. I wish I could find a cap of the look on his mother's face when she saw his girlfriend. PRICE. LESS. It was a mixture of shock, disbelief and 'I'ma send this boy back from whence he came'. Still, props to her for keeping an open mind. They sat down to dinner and mama launched into a flurry of questions about the woman's past and why they're attracted to each other. But it was when she mentioned the prospect of a future together and children where things took a turn. One would think that you wouldn't bring someone home to your parents unless you were leaning towards something serious, but that is not what Junior thought. He nearly choked on his juice box when mom brought up the topic of settling down with this woman. He seemed to hit the brakes and the girlfriend said she was just taking things a day at a time, but seemed surprised that he almost scoffed at the idea of something more serious. Then, it came out that she was two years OLDER than his mother. If this were me, this would have been the point where my mom slapped me so hard that I would've been lifted up into the air and landed back in the Prehistoric, and you could tell his mom wanted to do the same. In the end, dad excused himself right after dinner and said he was going to bed and had no idea why they were together. Mom followed suit and the happy couple left. As the show ended, they were still together so I guess dinner didn't have any real effect on things.
I get the attraction to older women (obviously), and more power to folks who throw age, color and all that out the window when choosing who to date. But the logistics of dating someone that much older creep me out. You probably can't have kids. You'll probably watch them die, and then have to go on by yourself for another ten or twenty years. And you can't possibly have a ton in common, no matter how old of a soul the younger one is. I mean, things got weird for me with an ex when I mentioned that I wished I were alive when John Lennon was so I could see him perform and she was like, "Yeah, I remember the night he died in detail". But I get that not everyone thinks that way. How did the world live before reality television programs and cougars?
It was completely lust that drew me into a relationship with this chick. She was in her 40's, I was in my early 20's and had zero interest in anything long-term or meaningful. It was just for fun and I think we both freaked out when it took a turn for the serious, which is why it ended. I couldn't fathom ending up with someone that much older than me. She's pushing 50 now and I'm 32. Just...no.
The dudes in this show, however, had no issue with the major age differences. Most seemed to be in for life. I just don't get some of the pairings though. One woman was in her 50's with a teenage daughter and had been divorced three times and was engaged to a 24-year-old dude. Her daughter was understandably not a fan of the relationship and she and the fiance' bickered like kids when they were in the same room together. He was closer in age to the daughter than he was to his future Mrs. and when the two of them argued, she scolded them both. Who the hell wants to go to bed at night with someone who scolds them like a child during the day? Even odder was a segment when her best friend came over and she obviously also didn't get along with the dude. And the friend's presence was a reminder of how wide the age difference was because she uses a cane to get around and has greying hair. I mean, really? If you're under the age of 45 and your wife's BFF uses a cane then maybe you need to reevaluate your life dude. As if that weren't enough, they showed their engagement party and the preparations for it and they went to buy the dude a suit. His first suit EVER. At age 24. It was also weird because the guy came off as really immature and the woman was not at all attractive.
There was one guy in all of this who didn't seem sold on the long-term thing. He was also in his early twenties and his chick was 54 and trying WAY too hard to hold onto her youth. (To put that in perspective for you, my mom is 54 and this guy was probably a good ten years younger than me.) Everything this chick wore looked like something from Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time" video, complete with assless pants. We're talking, assless pants worn to the damn grocery store. Her backstory was murky but she had a son who was not much younger than her boyfriend, whom she'd been dating for about two months. Both of my girl friends (Y & A) thought the boyfriend was very good looking and were perplexed as to why he was with a woman who looked at least a decade older than she actually was. Long, scraggly black hair and stretch marks aren't what you envision when you think of someone who lands a good looking younger dude. He claimed to love her crazy nature (newsflash: there are PLENTY of crazy chicks your own age, son) and she couldn't really list a reason why she liked him. Cameras rolled as he decided it was a fantastic idea to introduce this woman to his family which includes; his blonde, Jewish mother, his Italian bodybuilder step-father and his sweet little grandmother. As his girlfriend prepped for the meeting, she tried on various outfits, most of which showed a lotta skin. She settled on something that covered her ass but had her boobs pushed up and out. I wish I could find a cap of the look on his mother's face when she saw his girlfriend. PRICE. LESS. It was a mixture of shock, disbelief and 'I'ma send this boy back from whence he came'. Still, props to her for keeping an open mind. They sat down to dinner and mama launched into a flurry of questions about the woman's past and why they're attracted to each other. But it was when she mentioned the prospect of a future together and children where things took a turn. One would think that you wouldn't bring someone home to your parents unless you were leaning towards something serious, but that is not what Junior thought. He nearly choked on his juice box when mom brought up the topic of settling down with this woman. He seemed to hit the brakes and the girlfriend said she was just taking things a day at a time, but seemed surprised that he almost scoffed at the idea of something more serious. Then, it came out that she was two years OLDER than his mother. If this were me, this would have been the point where my mom slapped me so hard that I would've been lifted up into the air and landed back in the Prehistoric, and you could tell his mom wanted to do the same. In the end, dad excused himself right after dinner and said he was going to bed and had no idea why they were together. Mom followed suit and the happy couple left. As the show ended, they were still together so I guess dinner didn't have any real effect on things.
I get the attraction to older women (obviously), and more power to folks who throw age, color and all that out the window when choosing who to date. But the logistics of dating someone that much older creep me out. You probably can't have kids. You'll probably watch them die, and then have to go on by yourself for another ten or twenty years. And you can't possibly have a ton in common, no matter how old of a soul the younger one is. I mean, things got weird for me with an ex when I mentioned that I wished I were alive when John Lennon was so I could see him perform and she was like, "Yeah, I remember the night he died in detail". But I get that not everyone thinks that way. How did the world live before reality television programs and cougars?
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Right Brain, Left Brain
Me: Supposedly creative people have more self-destructive tendencies
G: Really?
Me: Yeah, something about chemicals in the brain
G: Huh
G: No wonder you can't even finish a sandwich without incident
Me: lol Right? That statistic explains my whole life.
G: LOL. I swear, it's not me. It's the chemicals!
Me: lol Pretty much
G: Is it nice to finally have something to blame all of your many, many, many terrible life decisions on?
Me: That's one too many manys. But yes. Yes it is.
G: What's the worst of your many, many, many terrible life decisions that you will now blame on your brain chemicals?
Me: Our friendship springs to mind lol
G: LOL Fuck you, you love me
Me: I used to but now I'm trying to change my self-destructive ways
G: You can't. It's in the wiring
G: Really?
Me: Yeah, something about chemicals in the brain
G: Huh
G: No wonder you can't even finish a sandwich without incident
Me: lol Right? That statistic explains my whole life.
G: LOL. I swear, it's not me. It's the chemicals!
Me: lol Pretty much
G: Is it nice to finally have something to blame all of your many, many, many terrible life decisions on?
Me: That's one too many manys. But yes. Yes it is.
G: What's the worst of your many, many, many terrible life decisions that you will now blame on your brain chemicals?
Me: Our friendship springs to mind lol
G: LOL Fuck you, you love me
Me: I used to but now I'm trying to change my self-destructive ways
G: You can't. It's in the wiring
Monday, August 26, 2013
No Child Left Behind...Except The One That Broke S**t
My vision is not good. It never really has been. But I was glasses-free up until high school. As a Freshman, I realized I couldn't see the blackboard but nobody seemed to believe me. Finally, I went for an eye exam where it was determined I had 20-40 vision, astigmatism and was nearsighted. Adults are supposed to have eye exams every three years. My last eye exam was almost a decade ago. Honestly, my glasses had been working just fine for me up until a few years ago. Even then, it wasn't a pressing enough issue that I felt I needed new ones. But the past few months I've started to experience headaches that I'm sure are due to having to strain to see. My couch isn't all that far from my television yet I still have to strain and lean in to read anything on it. And so I decided to bite the bullet and get new eyes. (Well, I decided that months ago but then life intervened and I couldn't afford to get them. But now I'm gonna. Honest.). Little did I know what a fun process it would be to do so.
Unbeknownst to me, (okay it was probably beknownst, I just forgot) I had both Miss N and Miss L today because the best friend is out of town. I also had an eye exam scheduled for 1:00PM, so I had no choice but to go and take them with me. Big. Fat. MISTAKE. But, as with most mistakes, hilarity ensued. I wanted to get their early so I could try on some frames and get an idea of what I want (I didn't buy the glasses there). I had to fill out paperwork that asked about everything under the sun and then started looking at frames. I swear to you, "Sit down and don't move" means "run a fuckin' muck" in child language. The girls were well behaved but VERY curious. I had to push their hands away at least two dozen times as they were reaching for frames. I said "no" at least twice as many times. All of this in the span of about ten minutes, until I gave up and we went to sit and wait for the doctor. The doc was running behind so the wait was substantial (but then ANY wait is when you have kids) and then I started to hear a chorus of, "I'm thirsty" and, "I'm bored". It was finally our turn and they sat me down at the little test station to do some sort of pressure measurement on my eyes (think, taking the pressure on tires). To do this, they have you put your head on this little ledge and shoot a puff of air into it. Miss N was fascinated by this and the tech let her put her hand in front of the machine so she could feel the air. She then decided to grab my head and stare into my eyes as if this machine had somehow changed my entire chemistry. She was unimpressed and we moved into the exam room. That room was entirely too small for four people, which is why I'm sure they recommend you don't bring your children, and it was dark-ish (Miss L loathes the dark). The doc agreed to leave the door open and Miss L planted herself in the doorframe and watched what was going on. Miss N, being my child, decided she'd rather touch everything in the room and ask what it did. EVERYTHING. The doctor, thankfully, was very nice and answered all of Miss N's questions and said maybe someday she'd be a doctor since she was so curious and smart. Miss N told her that she didn't want to be smart, she wanted to be like me (thanks, kid) and the doctor laughed.
Given the rambunctious nature of the chillens, I probably shouldn't have opted to have my eyes dialated but it's been a long time since my last exam so I went for it. The doctor put in the drops and sent us out to wait until they took effect, about 20 minutes. The girls were surprisingly quiet during this time. The calm before the storm.We went back in and the doctor made sure all was okay with my eyes (it is, they're healthy...aside from that whole being unable to see thing), then suggested one more test I should get since I'm "over 30". It's a shame too, I really liked that doc up until that point. I opted not to get the test and we went out to settle the bill. I wasn't paying attention and the girls wandered off in different directions. Miss N went to sit down, Miss L was drawn to a rack of glasses like a moth to a flame. I have no idea HOW she did it, but she managed to bring down the entire rack in about 5 seconds. I stopped what I was doing and went to start cleaning up and the clerk said it was okay, since none of the frames were damaged. I took that moment to tell her that this kid wasn't mine, my kid was the well behaved one sitting down and she laughed. Miss N came over to help clean up and apparently did not take too kindly to a woman who was sitting and watching us pick up the frames. She looked right at her and said, "She's not his kid!", throwing her BFF under the bus just like daddy did (I'm so proud!). The ride came to end once we picked up everything up and paid and left. And now, they're both asleep on the couch. And I'm exhausted. Miss N was fascinated by the way my pupils expanded after dialation and kept asking all the way home for me to let her see my eyes. Maybe she will be a doctor someday. They always say you want better for your kids and lucky for me, the bar isn't really set that high since dad isn't smart. Methinks I will proceed to the nearest clinic and get my tubes tied because Miss N is clearly not equipped for any siblings. And Miss L needs a harness. I know what somebody's getting for her birthday...
Unbeknownst to me, (okay it was probably beknownst, I just forgot) I had both Miss N and Miss L today because the best friend is out of town. I also had an eye exam scheduled for 1:00PM, so I had no choice but to go and take them with me. Big. Fat. MISTAKE. But, as with most mistakes, hilarity ensued. I wanted to get their early so I could try on some frames and get an idea of what I want (I didn't buy the glasses there). I had to fill out paperwork that asked about everything under the sun and then started looking at frames. I swear to you, "Sit down and don't move" means "run a fuckin' muck" in child language. The girls were well behaved but VERY curious. I had to push their hands away at least two dozen times as they were reaching for frames. I said "no" at least twice as many times. All of this in the span of about ten minutes, until I gave up and we went to sit and wait for the doctor. The doc was running behind so the wait was substantial (but then ANY wait is when you have kids) and then I started to hear a chorus of, "I'm thirsty" and, "I'm bored". It was finally our turn and they sat me down at the little test station to do some sort of pressure measurement on my eyes (think, taking the pressure on tires). To do this, they have you put your head on this little ledge and shoot a puff of air into it. Miss N was fascinated by this and the tech let her put her hand in front of the machine so she could feel the air. She then decided to grab my head and stare into my eyes as if this machine had somehow changed my entire chemistry. She was unimpressed and we moved into the exam room. That room was entirely too small for four people, which is why I'm sure they recommend you don't bring your children, and it was dark-ish (Miss L loathes the dark). The doc agreed to leave the door open and Miss L planted herself in the doorframe and watched what was going on. Miss N, being my child, decided she'd rather touch everything in the room and ask what it did. EVERYTHING. The doctor, thankfully, was very nice and answered all of Miss N's questions and said maybe someday she'd be a doctor since she was so curious and smart. Miss N told her that she didn't want to be smart, she wanted to be like me (thanks, kid) and the doctor laughed.
Given the rambunctious nature of the chillens, I probably shouldn't have opted to have my eyes dialated but it's been a long time since my last exam so I went for it. The doctor put in the drops and sent us out to wait until they took effect, about 20 minutes. The girls were surprisingly quiet during this time. The calm before the storm.We went back in and the doctor made sure all was okay with my eyes (it is, they're healthy...aside from that whole being unable to see thing), then suggested one more test I should get since I'm "over 30". It's a shame too, I really liked that doc up until that point. I opted not to get the test and we went out to settle the bill. I wasn't paying attention and the girls wandered off in different directions. Miss N went to sit down, Miss L was drawn to a rack of glasses like a moth to a flame. I have no idea HOW she did it, but she managed to bring down the entire rack in about 5 seconds. I stopped what I was doing and went to start cleaning up and the clerk said it was okay, since none of the frames were damaged. I took that moment to tell her that this kid wasn't mine, my kid was the well behaved one sitting down and she laughed. Miss N came over to help clean up and apparently did not take too kindly to a woman who was sitting and watching us pick up the frames. She looked right at her and said, "She's not his kid!", throwing her BFF under the bus just like daddy did (I'm so proud!). The ride came to end once we picked up everything up and paid and left. And now, they're both asleep on the couch. And I'm exhausted. Miss N was fascinated by the way my pupils expanded after dialation and kept asking all the way home for me to let her see my eyes. Maybe she will be a doctor someday. They always say you want better for your kids and lucky for me, the bar isn't really set that high since dad isn't smart. Methinks I will proceed to the nearest clinic and get my tubes tied because Miss N is clearly not equipped for any siblings. And Miss L needs a harness. I know what somebody's getting for her birthday...
Quick Hits
~ Yesterday I introduced Miss N to the wonders of Pixy Stix for the first time. If it's wrong to give your 5-year-old candy that is 99.9% sugar, then I don't wanna be right. She of course loved them. Miss N is in a weirdo phase. She won't eat certain things and she claims she no longer likes regular milk and will only drink almond milk. My mom has always done the 'if you don't like what's prepared then you don't eat' routine and I've done the same with Miss N. But dammit if that girl is not as stubborn as me. She just won't eat on occasion. Fine then. Be that way.
~ Custody has taken some interesting twists and turns lately. I've decided to hold off on going for permanent sole custody at the moment because Miss N's mother is trying to right the ship. I'll give it some time and see what happens I guess. I'm just glad she's finally coming out the other side of everything.
~ A friend of mine got engaged a few years ago to a dude who is boring as hell. I love her to death and the guy is good to her, but they are the epitome of opposites attracting. She's loud and talks a mile a minute and he doesn't say much of anything (at least, not around her friends). They were planning a wedding for late next year but decided instead to elope in the next few weeks. His best man is on some soul finding mission in Europe until the end of the year and won't be at the wedding. He also won't be able to plan the bachelor party. So who will? Me. I'm doing it as a favor for her since the wedding will be just the two of them (I was supposed to walk her down the aisle). But I'm not quite sure what to do. The last bachelor party I planned was my brother's and G helped with that and it was EPIC. But G can't help me here because he has a history with the bride (read: he done her wrong and she'd cut off his huevos if she could). Oh yeah, and all of this has to be planned by Saturday. Sooooo....yeah.
~ For the past three days I've had to listen to the females in my life express their excitement over the VMA NSYNC reunion. None intended to watch the entire show and none are Timberlake fans (most weren't even huge NSYNC fans), but I guess it was the whole nostalgia thing that had them excited. We DVR'd the show and skipped ahead to the much anticipated performance and...FLOP. To quote A, "What the fuck was that?!". Three days of anticipation for what turned out to be a minute of being "reunited". You could barely hear anything because the audio was terrible and the lights were so bright that you couldn't see most of them (except Timberlake, who I'm sure also made it part of the deal that no one's mics would be turned up and there would be no close ups of anyone but him). He barely sang with the rest of them and seemed to resent sharing the spotlight, which is not surprising given his reputation of being a jackass. People are comparing the whole thing to the Destiny's Child "reunion" at the Super Bowl and I can't say I disagree. I can't stand the way these peeps in groups break out and become solo stars and then totally forget how they got there. Would either Beyonce or Timberlake be the stars they are without their respective groups? Possibly. But that is not how it went down. Beyonce grew up with her bandmates and had no trouble snatching weaves and kicking two of them to the curb. Even Michael Jackson, the biggest ex-boybander in history, still went back to tour with his bandamates/brothers. But these other two can't even stand to share the spotlight for a five minute performance. Ego, yo. Ridiculous.
~ Because I am apparently a masochist, I have agreed to take Miss N AND Miss L with me to the eye doctor today. Yeah...two kids under six going to a place where there are racks of glasses and frames. That should be tres exciting (read: I'll be tying my tubes by the end of the day). But I'm encouraged by how they are peacefully watching "Finding Nemo" (a movie that NEVER loses its charm) and eating breakfast at the moment. Here's hoping that calmness lasts the day!
~ Custody has taken some interesting twists and turns lately. I've decided to hold off on going for permanent sole custody at the moment because Miss N's mother is trying to right the ship. I'll give it some time and see what happens I guess. I'm just glad she's finally coming out the other side of everything.
~ A friend of mine got engaged a few years ago to a dude who is boring as hell. I love her to death and the guy is good to her, but they are the epitome of opposites attracting. She's loud and talks a mile a minute and he doesn't say much of anything (at least, not around her friends). They were planning a wedding for late next year but decided instead to elope in the next few weeks. His best man is on some soul finding mission in Europe until the end of the year and won't be at the wedding. He also won't be able to plan the bachelor party. So who will? Me. I'm doing it as a favor for her since the wedding will be just the two of them (I was supposed to walk her down the aisle). But I'm not quite sure what to do. The last bachelor party I planned was my brother's and G helped with that and it was EPIC. But G can't help me here because he has a history with the bride (read: he done her wrong and she'd cut off his huevos if she could). Oh yeah, and all of this has to be planned by Saturday. Sooooo....yeah.
~ For the past three days I've had to listen to the females in my life express their excitement over the VMA NSYNC reunion. None intended to watch the entire show and none are Timberlake fans (most weren't even huge NSYNC fans), but I guess it was the whole nostalgia thing that had them excited. We DVR'd the show and skipped ahead to the much anticipated performance and...FLOP. To quote A, "What the fuck was that?!". Three days of anticipation for what turned out to be a minute of being "reunited". You could barely hear anything because the audio was terrible and the lights were so bright that you couldn't see most of them (except Timberlake, who I'm sure also made it part of the deal that no one's mics would be turned up and there would be no close ups of anyone but him). He barely sang with the rest of them and seemed to resent sharing the spotlight, which is not surprising given his reputation of being a jackass. People are comparing the whole thing to the Destiny's Child "reunion" at the Super Bowl and I can't say I disagree. I can't stand the way these peeps in groups break out and become solo stars and then totally forget how they got there. Would either Beyonce or Timberlake be the stars they are without their respective groups? Possibly. But that is not how it went down. Beyonce grew up with her bandmates and had no trouble snatching weaves and kicking two of them to the curb. Even Michael Jackson, the biggest ex-boybander in history, still went back to tour with his bandamates/brothers. But these other two can't even stand to share the spotlight for a five minute performance. Ego, yo. Ridiculous.
~ Because I am apparently a masochist, I have agreed to take Miss N AND Miss L with me to the eye doctor today. Yeah...two kids under six going to a place where there are racks of glasses and frames. That should be tres exciting (read: I'll be tying my tubes by the end of the day). But I'm encouraged by how they are peacefully watching "Finding Nemo" (a movie that NEVER loses its charm) and eating breakfast at the moment. Here's hoping that calmness lasts the day!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Though We Had Our Fling, I Just Never Would Suspect A Thing
It's been a little too quiet around here lately. I just haven't had the time to write as much as I'd like, but hopefully I'll be able to catch up a bit this week. Busy few days and I have plenty to write about, I just have to find the time to do so. But I hate missing a week o' music. I'm sure I heard this song in my youth but I didn't rediscover it until a few months ago via my nifty little radio app. I downloaded it immediately and it was stuck in my head for days. I heard it again today in the grocery store. Catchy little tune, it is.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Things That Make You Go Hmm
Me: That sounds like it would be tough
G: Yeah, well it's usually homosexual though
G: hard*
Me: LOL Your phone autocorrected 'hard' to 'homosexual' Interesting...
G: lol Shut up!
[10 minutes pass]
G: I'm trying to make an illegal left turn and it's homosexual than I thought it would be
Me: LOL Well those homosexual turns do take forever
G: LMAO DAMMIT!! This effin' phone man!
Me: Uh huh lol
[1 hour passes]
Me: What's a synonym for 'difficult'?
G: Haha, you're just trying to get me to type 'h.a.r.d'
Me: So instead you type 'heard'?
G: HOMOSEXUAL!
G: SON OF A BITCH I'm gonna throw this fucker out the window
Me: LMAO. Worth it.
G: lol Well you got your wish. That wasn't homosexual
G: ... *sigh*
Me: lol God forbid you ever sext with that phone
G: lol I know. Total mood killer to talk homosexual to your wife
G: Yeah, well it's usually homosexual though
G: hard*
Me: LOL Your phone autocorrected 'hard' to 'homosexual' Interesting...
G: lol Shut up!
[10 minutes pass]
G: I'm trying to make an illegal left turn and it's homosexual than I thought it would be
Me: LOL Well those homosexual turns do take forever
G: LMAO DAMMIT!! This effin' phone man!
Me: Uh huh lol
[1 hour passes]
Me: What's a synonym for 'difficult'?
G: Haha, you're just trying to get me to type 'h.a.r.d'
Me: So instead you type 'heard'?
G: HOMOSEXUAL!
G: SON OF A BITCH I'm gonna throw this fucker out the window
Me: LMAO. Worth it.
G: lol Well you got your wish. That wasn't homosexual
G: ... *sigh*
Me: lol God forbid you ever sext with that phone
G: lol I know. Total mood killer to talk homosexual to your wife
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Oh My Sub
Me: So I think now, three months after I originally said as much, I'm going to finally be able to get new glasses
Me: And you know you're old when the prospect of new glasses excites you
Friend: lol Nice...I've been needing new ones for ages
Me: Me too.. I realized that I can't even read the menu at Subway anymore without straining like an old man.
Friend: lol That's sounds like something I'd say
Friend: "I finally decided to fix my eyes cuz me not seeing is getting in the way of my eating"
Me: "I can't read the $5 footlong menu ya'll. SHIT JUST GOT REAL!"
Friend: LMAO
Me: And you know you're old when the prospect of new glasses excites you
Friend: lol Nice...I've been needing new ones for ages
Me: Me too.. I realized that I can't even read the menu at Subway anymore without straining like an old man.
Friend: lol That's sounds like something I'd say
Friend: "I finally decided to fix my eyes cuz me not seeing is getting in the way of my eating"
Me: "I can't read the $5 footlong menu ya'll. SHIT JUST GOT REAL!"
Friend: LMAO
Friday, August 16, 2013
Your Phone Ain't For Callin', Your Phone's For Footballin'
I was a Denver Broncos fan in utero, even though no one knew I was in there. Nothing is quite as maddening as a football game. On a good Sunday, you experience all human emotions and in a bad one, you go through all five stages of grief in the span of an hour. The Broncos were terrible for most of my childhood, but eventually managed to win back to back Super Bowls in John Elway's final few years as QB. But that was a loooooong time ago. So long in fact that Elway's now runs the team himself. And without question his best move as the boss was signing this dude named Peyton Manning. Perhaps you've heard of him? He was let go by his former team because they didn't believe he had anything left in the tank after multiple neck surgeries. But many other teams believed he did and Elway and company were able to sign him. Best. Move. EVER. After suffering through the perplexingly over-hyped and over-faithed Tim Tebow, legitimate football made its return to my beloved Mile High City. Manning only had one of the best seasons of his career in 2012 and certainly did his part to try and take us all the way. Unfortunately, his teammates did not believe in the concept of late-game defense and blew their shot at going to the big dance in the final minutes of the game. (What's that? Bitter? Yes, I still am.). And being so close has only made the fan base more rabid. This year it is Super Bowl or bust. The tide finally seems to be turning in Colorado sports. After years of mediocre or flat out terrible teams in all four sports, the Broncos and Avalanche have made good moves in an attempt to get better. It should be an exciting Fall.
This is one of the reasons I've been a Manning fan since before he was my QB. Dude not only has class but he has no trouble laughing at himself (his SNL United Way spoof is still hilarious). And one cannot look more ridiculous than the Manning boys do in this one.
This is one of the reasons I've been a Manning fan since before he was my QB. Dude not only has class but he has no trouble laughing at himself (his SNL United Way spoof is still hilarious). And one cannot look more ridiculous than the Manning boys do in this one.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Jesus, Take My Friends...Keep Them From My Backhand
[On Discovery Channel's latest mockumentary about whether the Megalodon shark still lives]
Teenager: "Is this fake? Or is this an actual documentary?"
Me: "No, it's fake. It's like the mermaid one we saw."
Y: You know how you can tell if it's a fake documentary? Because the so-called scientist/explorer looks like him"
[Y points at me and everybody stares]
Me: "I could be smart!"
Y: "No. You can't. Because you're pretty. Exactly how these science guys can't be attractive because they have brains. Life is a trade off, my dear."
Me: "Whatever."
A: "It's true! When we see a super hot guy, we assume that he's not that bright. Which is why you are a pleasant surprise."
G: "Uh...excuse me...?"
A: "And you are very smart, sir."
E: "Ooooh, BURN."
==========
G: DUDE! The people on this road are freakin' crazy. Some guy just came speeding up the on ramp but didn't get ahead of me until the VERY last minute. And I was like, I's like, "JESUS TAKE THE WHEEEEEEEEL, TAKE IT FROM MY HAAAAAAAAAND"
Me: LMAO
G: But I got into a fender bender anyway. FML
Me: Jesus must have been on a coffee break when you called
G: LOL Right? He should have an Apostle taking messages or something
Me: lol "Hi, you have reached Jesus. I'm not able to come to the phone right now, so please leave a message. If it's urgent, please feel free to contact my father at 555-Godly, or, www.ILoveVirgins.com. Thanks and have a great day!"
G: LMAO I love virgins
===========
G: I can't stand when people say something is "gay"
G: I'll tell you what's gay
G: Homosexuality
Me: LOL. Thank you, Grandpa Simpson
G: lol Just sayin'
Teenager: "Is this fake? Or is this an actual documentary?"
Me: "No, it's fake. It's like the mermaid one we saw."
Y: You know how you can tell if it's a fake documentary? Because the so-called scientist/explorer looks like him"
[Y points at me and everybody stares]
Me: "I could be smart!"
Y: "No. You can't. Because you're pretty. Exactly how these science guys can't be attractive because they have brains. Life is a trade off, my dear."
Me: "Whatever."
A: "It's true! When we see a super hot guy, we assume that he's not that bright. Which is why you are a pleasant surprise."
G: "Uh...excuse me...?"
A: "And you are very smart, sir."
E: "Ooooh, BURN."
==========
G: DUDE! The people on this road are freakin' crazy. Some guy just came speeding up the on ramp but didn't get ahead of me until the VERY last minute. And I was like, I's like, "JESUS TAKE THE WHEEEEEEEEL, TAKE IT FROM MY HAAAAAAAAAND"
Me: LMAO
G: But I got into a fender bender anyway. FML
Me: Jesus must have been on a coffee break when you called
G: LOL Right? He should have an Apostle taking messages or something
Me: lol "Hi, you have reached Jesus. I'm not able to come to the phone right now, so please leave a message. If it's urgent, please feel free to contact my father at 555-Godly, or, www.ILoveVirgins.com. Thanks and have a great day!"
G: LMAO I love virgins
===========
G: I can't stand when people say something is "gay"
G: I'll tell you what's gay
G: Homosexuality
Me: LOL. Thank you, Grandpa Simpson
G: lol Just sayin'
Friday, August 9, 2013
90's Rhythm Is Gonna Get You
I was all ready to come on here and post a Gloria Estefan song and talk about how awesome she is and what a role model she be for all the Latino folk. I was gonna talk about how I love her voice, how she could sing me the phone book and I would be happy. I was gonna post, "Rhythm Is Gonna Get You" and talk about how it scared the bejeezus out of me as a kid because of the dude who goes, "OOH!" in the background. I was also contemplating whether I would post two of her songs because I couldn't really decide which I liked better. That's what I was gonna do. But then a little song called, "Nasty Girl" intervened. How, you ask? I was listening to my trusty radio app about a week ago and told a friend about a song I was hearing that included the lyrics, "I can't control it, I need seven inches or more". I told a friend about this and we joked about it, renaming the song, "The T-Mex Song" (read that blog post to find out why). I got a good laugh out of it and thought nothing more about the song. Then, I heard it again a few days ago and realized it is a damn catchy, if hilarious, song. The 90's were really something special, weren't they? For your listening pleasure, some of the best of the decade and some of the worst.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Hip Hop Hooray
Oh, the conversations I have with Agent W. For all the things we have in common, our musical tastes can vary. We love a lot of the same music but she tends to favor more indie stuff, while I'm all 90's all the time. You'll recall our first convo about hip hop (ten years into the friendship, mind you) had us both so caught off guard by the subject matter that we both went all deer in the headlights (a phenomenon we've discovered repeats itself whenever we come up on the "Modern Rap" category on SongPop). I'm always pleasantly surprised when we get into a hip hop related convo. This particular one began a few days ago when I texted that I was listening to a station called, "Old School R&B" on my phone and that my beloved "Love Will Never Do (Without You)" had just come on.
W: I was wondering what had your panties in a bunch
Me: Right before playing that, the DJ said, "I look forward to playing more of these songs you may have liked so much that you went out and bought the 45"
W: Oh fuck him!
Me: LOL. Welcome to the land of panty bunch
W: LOL. We're the bunchkins!
Me: LOL Now there's a song playing where this woman says in spoken word, "I can't control it. I need seven inches or more. Now DANCE!"
W: LOL Seven inches or more can mean one long dong or one short arm
Me: It was the 90's. It probably meant both
W: lol Eewwwww
Me: lol Oh man, that station was worth the price of admission just for that song
W: lol Were you tall enough to ride?
Me: lol Yes. Complete with gimpy arm and e'erything
W: lol How cute you little T-Mex, you
Me: LOL. T-Mex
Two days later the convo was rekindled when she posted to FB that she'd spent the night before regulating her neighbor's 21st birthday party and that these damn kids had referred to 2Pac as "old school" and said they felt "so old" now that they were in their early 20's. Later in the evening, we caught up via FB and she'd posted a picture of her giving her nephews a piggyback ride, during the course of which she dropped one of them (all of this captured as it happened by her mom). Somehow, this convo took another hip hop related turn.
W: BOO!
Me: Who dis be?
W: Seriously?
Me: 'Twas a joke. I see your piggybacking ass in that profile pic
W: LOL Piggybacking ass
Me: lol Gives new meaning to 'back that ass up'
Me: Back that ass up cuz you done dropped a chillen
W: LOL Drop him like he's hot
Me: lol That kid just kicked you, drop him like he's hot
W: LOL. If a kid got attitude, drop him like he's hot
Me: LOL
W: You're making me wheeze, I'm laughing so hard
W: If a kid don't eat his food, drop him like he's hot
Me: If that kid climbs on you, drop him like he's hot
W: LMAO! Checked that one off the list
Me: That kid done bit you, drop him like he's hot
Me: I crossed that one off lol
W: LOL. If a kid turned 21, you drop him like he's hot
Me: If he calls 2Pac old school, drop him like he's hot
W: LOL Yes!
That was hilarious enough. Then came this morning.
Me: My sister AND bro are in town tonight!
W: Oooooohhhhh shit. NY won't know what hit it
Me: lol I know. Hurr-cane [the sibs and my last name] bout to be in full effect
W: lol Ooh baby baby, [last name] here and we're in effect
W: Want you to push it babe, coolin' by day, then at night workin up a sweat!
Me: LOL What it is with you and the hip hop all of a sudden?
W: Why you hatin?
Me: Oh I'm not. I'm lovin'.
I don't know why we're both so hip hoppy lately, but dammit it is hilarious.
W: I was wondering what had your panties in a bunch
Me: Right before playing that, the DJ said, "I look forward to playing more of these songs you may have liked so much that you went out and bought the 45"
W: Oh fuck him!
Me: LOL. Welcome to the land of panty bunch
W: LOL. We're the bunchkins!
Me: LOL Now there's a song playing where this woman says in spoken word, "I can't control it. I need seven inches or more. Now DANCE!"
W: LOL Seven inches or more can mean one long dong or one short arm
Me: It was the 90's. It probably meant both
W: lol Eewwwww
Me: lol Oh man, that station was worth the price of admission just for that song
W: lol Were you tall enough to ride?
Me: lol Yes. Complete with gimpy arm and e'erything
W: lol How cute you little T-Mex, you
Me: LOL. T-Mex
Two days later the convo was rekindled when she posted to FB that she'd spent the night before regulating her neighbor's 21st birthday party and that these damn kids had referred to 2Pac as "old school" and said they felt "so old" now that they were in their early 20's. Later in the evening, we caught up via FB and she'd posted a picture of her giving her nephews a piggyback ride, during the course of which she dropped one of them (all of this captured as it happened by her mom). Somehow, this convo took another hip hop related turn.
W: BOO!
Me: Who dis be?
W: Seriously?
Me: 'Twas a joke. I see your piggybacking ass in that profile pic
W: LOL Piggybacking ass
Me: lol Gives new meaning to 'back that ass up'
Me: Back that ass up cuz you done dropped a chillen
W: LOL Drop him like he's hot
Me: lol That kid just kicked you, drop him like he's hot
W: LOL. If a kid got attitude, drop him like he's hot
Me: LOL
W: You're making me wheeze, I'm laughing so hard
W: If a kid don't eat his food, drop him like he's hot
Me: If that kid climbs on you, drop him like he's hot
W: LMAO! Checked that one off the list
Me: That kid done bit you, drop him like he's hot
Me: I crossed that one off lol
W: LOL. If a kid turned 21, you drop him like he's hot
Me: If he calls 2Pac old school, drop him like he's hot
W: LOL Yes!
That was hilarious enough. Then came this morning.
Me: My sister AND bro are in town tonight!
W: Oooooohhhhh shit. NY won't know what hit it
Me: lol I know. Hurr-cane [the sibs and my last name] bout to be in full effect
W: lol Ooh baby baby, [last name] here and we're in effect
W: Want you to push it babe, coolin' by day, then at night workin up a sweat!
Me: LOL What it is with you and the hip hop all of a sudden?
W: Why you hatin?
Me: Oh I'm not. I'm lovin'.
I don't know why we're both so hip hoppy lately, but dammit it is hilarious.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
And I Can't Remember Life Before Her Name
The sister, bro-in-law, best friend and I were all discussing parenthood today. Specifically, we were talking about the difference between how we all thought we were going to parent versus how we actually are parenting. Before you have kids, you have all these silly little visions in your head of how you won't let them do this or you'll make them do that. But once you do have them, do you know what your attitude becomes? "Screw it". Yep. (Could also be 'F*** it', but I'm attempting to curse less these days.) Once you actually have that kid everything changes. You get no sleep, you get no time to yourself and you get unsolicited advice from total strangers on how to better control your kid. In the beginning, usually with your first child, you attempt to do everything as "perfectly" as you can before realizing there is no such thing. By the second kid, you give absolutely no f***s when it comes to certain things. Hell, I let Miss N have an ice cream sundae for dinner the other night. I was too exhausted to cook, too lazy to go out and she's been on an ice cream trip of late so I let her have at it. While non-parents might call this 'giving up', I call it a damn good way to split the difference. Miss N was happy, I didn't have to get off the couch and we both passed out by 9. Good times all around, I say.
I was around my sibling's kids for years before Miss N came into the picture so, fortunately, she wasn't like a first kid for me. I was well versed in the sleepless nights and constant supervision that little ones need. That may be why she's so laid back these days, because nobody panicked about every little thing when she was smaller. A cold is a cold, you know how to manage an ear infection and even when she has needed to go to the doctor I've been able to tell how bad it really is. For me, that part of parenting has been auto-pilot. Some of the day to day stuff is what tends to trip me up. Some days it is just not worth the fight to get her to do something. Some days, "I don't wanna clean my room" results in, "Ok, then don't". Some days she cranks the dial up to 'holy terror' and is hell on wheels from sun up to sundown (she's gonna make some fella happy someday with all that attitude, I'm sure). And some days we have ice cream for dinner or soda for breakfast. Parenthood is weird that way. But I really can't remember the time before she came into my life. What did I do in the mornings instead of make her breakfast? What did I waste my time with instead of reading her stories before bed? Did I build awesome forts and make indoor s'mores with someone else before she and I were together? I don't even know. I've been in love with this little lady from the start. I know I won't be a perfect parent, she'll be in therapy for something or another someday, but I'll do the best I can and the two of us will manage to have fun along the way. I'm not one of those people who wants to be their kid's friend, I dish out the discipline when I have to, but I'm not super strict either. And hey, she's still alive so I must be doing something right. It's interesting how the most difficult job in the world is the only one that doesn't come with an instruction manual.
I was around my sibling's kids for years before Miss N came into the picture so, fortunately, she wasn't like a first kid for me. I was well versed in the sleepless nights and constant supervision that little ones need. That may be why she's so laid back these days, because nobody panicked about every little thing when she was smaller. A cold is a cold, you know how to manage an ear infection and even when she has needed to go to the doctor I've been able to tell how bad it really is. For me, that part of parenting has been auto-pilot. Some of the day to day stuff is what tends to trip me up. Some days it is just not worth the fight to get her to do something. Some days, "I don't wanna clean my room" results in, "Ok, then don't". Some days she cranks the dial up to 'holy terror' and is hell on wheels from sun up to sundown (she's gonna make some fella happy someday with all that attitude, I'm sure). And some days we have ice cream for dinner or soda for breakfast. Parenthood is weird that way. But I really can't remember the time before she came into my life. What did I do in the mornings instead of make her breakfast? What did I waste my time with instead of reading her stories before bed? Did I build awesome forts and make indoor s'mores with someone else before she and I were together? I don't even know. I've been in love with this little lady from the start. I know I won't be a perfect parent, she'll be in therapy for something or another someday, but I'll do the best I can and the two of us will manage to have fun along the way. I'm not one of those people who wants to be their kid's friend, I dish out the discipline when I have to, but I'm not super strict either. And hey, she's still alive so I must be doing something right. It's interesting how the most difficult job in the world is the only one that doesn't come with an instruction manual.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
'Roid Rage
Baseball is the first sport I truly fell in love with (or should I say, chose to fall in love with. Being from a football town, I had little choice in whether or not I would love that sport and had five Broncos shirts before the age of 1). My mom wanted to get us into a sport as kids and heard through another parent about a local church-sponsored league. It wasn't our church, or one we'd even heard of at that point, but they accepted anyone who wanted to play. There were boys leagues and girls softball leagues and they started us out in t-ball. (I don't understand how anybody could dislike t-ball. You take a home run whack at a ball that doesn't move. It's a perfect outlet for aggression. But I digress.) My sister's team was hilarious, like something right out of 'A League Of Their Own'. A few of them ran at a jogger's pace with their chests pushed out in front of them, a few more apologized after they tagged someone out and most of them saw the first few games as passing time until they got to the snack at the end. But then they got into it. They went from being a team that couldn't get out of its own way to falling just one game shy of making the playoffs. Fortunately, the boys and girls games were never at the same time so my brother and I got to go to all of our sister's games and she got to come to ours (our team was pretty good from the gate but ended up losing in the championship both years). After about three seasons, the league ended up having to close up shop due to lack of funding. By then my sister and I had moved on to other things but my brother has never lost his passion for baseball. He had to wait a year before getting to a junior high school that had a team but ended up playing baseball every season through college and for awhile afterward. He still works in baseball, as evidenced by his taking a line drive to the noggin a few days ago. My fanatacism has died down quite a bit. As a kid I collected baseball cards and jerseys, most of which I still have and hope to pass on someday (Miss N isn't a baseball fan as of yet and neither are my nephews so I'll probably die without ever having given my memorabilia to someone). My favorite player was Ken Griffey Jr., then of the Seattle Mariners. I still have no idea why I gravitated towards him. I think because back then my state didn't have a Major League team. A few years after the Rockies landed, my mom took us to a game at their newly built ballpark (which is still one of the most beautiful parks in the league without a bad seat in the entire place) to see Junior play. I. Lost. My. Damn. MIND. I had my jersey, my Mariners cap and my Ken Griffey Jr. rookie card on the off chance that I actually ran into him (I didn't). It was so exciting. I've been to a million baseball games in a ton of stadiums but that one game was probably the best.
Although hockey and football have since pushed baseball out the way and taken the mic, I still try to watch it as much as I can. Sadly, the game itself has been overshadowed recently by the Biogenesis scandal. For those who don't know, Biogenesis was a lab located in Florida that provided steroids to a number of professional athletes. The most well known cheater in baseball the past few years has been Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees. Coincidentally, Rodriguez began his career with the Mariners before departing for Texas and eventually New York. He was considered an overrated shortstop who could hit during his tenure with Texas so it's not surprising that the Yankees, known for having big bats that are mediocre in every other aspect of the game (except for Derek Jeter), just had to have him. The relationship has been rocky, at best. A-Rod has become known more for his personal drama and arrogance more than anything else. He's also been injured many times during his NY career. It's long been known that he's a user (perhaps 'former user' is more accurate) of performance enhancing drugs. He was a Barry Bonds-esque spike in his career numbers and in his physical features that does not happen to someone who isn't using something illegal. Unfortunately for A-Rod, Major League Baseball has decided to crack down and attempt to clean up the game. I consider the MLB's steroid problem to be a nightmare of its own making. They're similar to the Catholic church in that both organizations knew some dirt was going down but neither did a damn thing to stop it when it was most prevalent. They each chose to look the other way and now it is what it is; people don't trust the church and baseball fans don't trust the MLB. Baseball instituted a system for how steroid users would be punished should they test positive but it's only been used a handful of times. However, now that Biogenesis has fallen and its former operator is singing like a canary a number of players are expected to be suspended within the next few weeks, and A-Rod is the biggest fish in the suspension sea. Like any good narcissist, A-Rod isn't about to let anybody tell him what to do and has instead decided to make things ugly. It's rumored that baseball will hand down a 214 game suspension (the equivalent of about a season and a half) if A-Rod agrees to go quietly. If he doesn't, and so far he has refused to accept any suspension or admit to any guilt, the MLB will hand him a lifetime ban from the game of baseball. That means that he will not only be tossed out on his needle-scarred behind as a player, he also would be unable to participate in any Major League activities at any time in the future. Evidently, this is not a big deal for A-Rod because he's not one of those people who plays for the love of the game. He's in it for the money. The hold up with his suspension is not only his stubborn refusal to admit guilt, but also his demand that the Yankees pay him the remaining $100 million on his contract. If he accepts any kind of suspension, the Yankees can terminate his contract and will owe him nothing. He feels they should pay it because they've "abandoned" him during this steroid mess (FYI, he's not even playing in the Majors right now, the Yankees are refusing to let him come back from a rehab stint in the Minor Leagues until they see how all this shakes out). Rodriguez has made roughly $315 MILLION dollars during the course of his career. But I guess that's not enough. In his mind, MLB should leave him alone, the Yankees should pay him off and then he'll "choose" to retire. He and his lawyer are claiming that if the MLB doesn't back off and give him what he wants, they will take the case to a federal court. I highly doubt you could find a bigger narcissist on the planet that Alex Rodriguez. I hope baseball hands down that lifetime ban.
I had no idea baseball's steroid era was in the midst of its glory days when I was growing up. I think most of us want to believe the best of people and not think that others would jeopardize the integrity of something we love. Only in the past few years has the fallout from that era begun to take shape. Congress invited a number of players to testify about what they knew about steroids and it ended in spectacularly bad fashion for some of them. Rafael Palmeiro, a personable and talented dude, was one who testified and nearly teared up while denying he'd ever used anything illegal. Most people, myself included, believed him. Not more than a few weeks after that televised denial in front of Congress, he tested positive for steroids and was suspended. He never played again. Roger Clemens was also at that hearing, although he came off as very defensive from the start. He was eventually involved in a court case over his steroid use, one in which his own wife testified about having used HGH and having met the man who gave her this through her husband, yet has never admitted to having been a cheater. Meanwhile, his former teammate and former close friend Andy Pettite admitted to having used steroids in the past, admitted it was a mistake and apologized. He went on to play for a few more years after his admission and no one really brought it up again. But the steroid stench has followed Clemens and will for the rest of his life if he doesn't come clean. Another cheater/liar is Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers. His saga began last year when word leaked that he'd tested positive. He vehemently denied using anything and went to great extremes to say as much, even lawyering up the minute he heard about this alleged positive test and volunteering to be re-tested. Baseball was equally vehement in their belief that he had tested positive. In the end, the original test had to be thrown out because the chain of custody was broken by the person who was in charge of delivering it to the lab. But that whole situation always rubbed me the wrong way. Something about him just creeped me out and didn't find him credible. I was hardly surprised when he became the first player suspended in the Biogenensis scandal last month. His tune was much different this time as he issued a statement saying he'd "made some mistakes". What is it they say? It's not the act itself that gets you into trouble, it's the cover up. Pettite is evidence of that. Yes, he cheated but once confronted he was honest. He knew his reputation, his records were all shot to hell anyway and he accepted it and took responsibility for what he'd done. I think Bonds, Clemens and Rodriguez all truly believe they've done nothing wrong. Two of the three have set records that would guarantee them a spot in the Hall of Fame, if not for the steroids. You can't put a cheater in the HOF, forget a cheater who is also a liar. Hopefully, the MLB actually cleans things up and we're not still dealing with this 'roid crap in another decade. But if the past is any indication, we just might be.
Although hockey and football have since pushed baseball out the way and taken the mic, I still try to watch it as much as I can. Sadly, the game itself has been overshadowed recently by the Biogenesis scandal. For those who don't know, Biogenesis was a lab located in Florida that provided steroids to a number of professional athletes. The most well known cheater in baseball the past few years has been Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees. Coincidentally, Rodriguez began his career with the Mariners before departing for Texas and eventually New York. He was considered an overrated shortstop who could hit during his tenure with Texas so it's not surprising that the Yankees, known for having big bats that are mediocre in every other aspect of the game (except for Derek Jeter), just had to have him. The relationship has been rocky, at best. A-Rod has become known more for his personal drama and arrogance more than anything else. He's also been injured many times during his NY career. It's long been known that he's a user (perhaps 'former user' is more accurate) of performance enhancing drugs. He was a Barry Bonds-esque spike in his career numbers and in his physical features that does not happen to someone who isn't using something illegal. Unfortunately for A-Rod, Major League Baseball has decided to crack down and attempt to clean up the game. I consider the MLB's steroid problem to be a nightmare of its own making. They're similar to the Catholic church in that both organizations knew some dirt was going down but neither did a damn thing to stop it when it was most prevalent. They each chose to look the other way and now it is what it is; people don't trust the church and baseball fans don't trust the MLB. Baseball instituted a system for how steroid users would be punished should they test positive but it's only been used a handful of times. However, now that Biogenesis has fallen and its former operator is singing like a canary a number of players are expected to be suspended within the next few weeks, and A-Rod is the biggest fish in the suspension sea. Like any good narcissist, A-Rod isn't about to let anybody tell him what to do and has instead decided to make things ugly. It's rumored that baseball will hand down a 214 game suspension (the equivalent of about a season and a half) if A-Rod agrees to go quietly. If he doesn't, and so far he has refused to accept any suspension or admit to any guilt, the MLB will hand him a lifetime ban from the game of baseball. That means that he will not only be tossed out on his needle-scarred behind as a player, he also would be unable to participate in any Major League activities at any time in the future. Evidently, this is not a big deal for A-Rod because he's not one of those people who plays for the love of the game. He's in it for the money. The hold up with his suspension is not only his stubborn refusal to admit guilt, but also his demand that the Yankees pay him the remaining $100 million on his contract. If he accepts any kind of suspension, the Yankees can terminate his contract and will owe him nothing. He feels they should pay it because they've "abandoned" him during this steroid mess (FYI, he's not even playing in the Majors right now, the Yankees are refusing to let him come back from a rehab stint in the Minor Leagues until they see how all this shakes out). Rodriguez has made roughly $315 MILLION dollars during the course of his career. But I guess that's not enough. In his mind, MLB should leave him alone, the Yankees should pay him off and then he'll "choose" to retire. He and his lawyer are claiming that if the MLB doesn't back off and give him what he wants, they will take the case to a federal court. I highly doubt you could find a bigger narcissist on the planet that Alex Rodriguez. I hope baseball hands down that lifetime ban.
I had no idea baseball's steroid era was in the midst of its glory days when I was growing up. I think most of us want to believe the best of people and not think that others would jeopardize the integrity of something we love. Only in the past few years has the fallout from that era begun to take shape. Congress invited a number of players to testify about what they knew about steroids and it ended in spectacularly bad fashion for some of them. Rafael Palmeiro, a personable and talented dude, was one who testified and nearly teared up while denying he'd ever used anything illegal. Most people, myself included, believed him. Not more than a few weeks after that televised denial in front of Congress, he tested positive for steroids and was suspended. He never played again. Roger Clemens was also at that hearing, although he came off as very defensive from the start. He was eventually involved in a court case over his steroid use, one in which his own wife testified about having used HGH and having met the man who gave her this through her husband, yet has never admitted to having been a cheater. Meanwhile, his former teammate and former close friend Andy Pettite admitted to having used steroids in the past, admitted it was a mistake and apologized. He went on to play for a few more years after his admission and no one really brought it up again. But the steroid stench has followed Clemens and will for the rest of his life if he doesn't come clean. Another cheater/liar is Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers. His saga began last year when word leaked that he'd tested positive. He vehemently denied using anything and went to great extremes to say as much, even lawyering up the minute he heard about this alleged positive test and volunteering to be re-tested. Baseball was equally vehement in their belief that he had tested positive. In the end, the original test had to be thrown out because the chain of custody was broken by the person who was in charge of delivering it to the lab. But that whole situation always rubbed me the wrong way. Something about him just creeped me out and didn't find him credible. I was hardly surprised when he became the first player suspended in the Biogenensis scandal last month. His tune was much different this time as he issued a statement saying he'd "made some mistakes". What is it they say? It's not the act itself that gets you into trouble, it's the cover up. Pettite is evidence of that. Yes, he cheated but once confronted he was honest. He knew his reputation, his records were all shot to hell anyway and he accepted it and took responsibility for what he'd done. I think Bonds, Clemens and Rodriguez all truly believe they've done nothing wrong. Two of the three have set records that would guarantee them a spot in the Hall of Fame, if not for the steroids. You can't put a cheater in the HOF, forget a cheater who is also a liar. Hopefully, the MLB actually cleans things up and we're not still dealing with this 'roid crap in another decade. But if the past is any indication, we just might be.
Friday, August 2, 2013
I Broke A Heart Over Someone Like You
Remember the days before the iPod when you had to actually physically look for and then play the CD you wanted to? Yeah, I barely remember them either. I scratched up every CD I had because I was constantly rewinding or fast forwarding songs. Sometimes it was just because I wanted to hear a nuance in the music again or because I loved a certain verse of a song. This one I constantly repeat the second verse of because it's awesome. I was introduced to Linda Ronstadt early on in life because my mom loved her music and two of my uncles thought she was good looking (I grew up in a weird household). I don't listen to her a ton but I love her cover of this song. I heard her version long before I heard the original by Betty Everett. I like them both and they each have very different vibes to them. But the cover is my favorite just because of the power behind her voice. I've always been a fan of how she didn't shy away from her heritage in her music, instead choosing to incorporate it into her work. She's gone on to do a children's album as well as a few albums of Latin music inspired by her childhood. All of that on top of her rock and country albums and singles. I think the world would be a better place if there were more artists who could transcend genres the way she has.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Karma Police
A friend and I have always poked fun at each other when we've made typos or misspoken in some way. We're juvenile like that. As you can imagine, the typos have increased dramatically since we both joined the smartphone revolution. Now our typo bashing is hit and miss. Sometimes we dig in and harass each other, sometimes we say, 'screw it' and just continue the conversation. And sometimes the typos are just too good to pass up and the hilarity ensues. My best friend went blonde recently and I posted the news to my Facebook page. Then came this:
Then, a day later, came this:
0 for 2 is she.
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