[On Discovery Channel's latest mockumentary about whether the Megalodon shark still lives]
Teenager: "Is this fake? Or is this an actual documentary?"
Me: "No, it's fake. It's like the mermaid one we saw."
Y: You know how you can tell if it's a fake documentary? Because the so-called scientist/explorer looks like him"
[Y points at me and everybody stares]
Me: "I could be smart!"
Y: "No. You can't. Because you're pretty. Exactly how these science guys can't be attractive because they have brains. Life is a trade off, my dear."
Me: "Whatever."
A: "It's true! When we see a super hot guy, we assume that he's not that bright. Which is why you are a pleasant surprise."
G: "Uh...excuse me...?"
A: "And you are very smart, sir."
E: "Ooooh, BURN."
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G: DUDE! The people on this road are freakin' crazy. Some guy just came speeding up the on ramp but didn't get ahead of me until the VERY last minute. And I was like, I's like, "JESUS TAKE THE WHEEEEEEEEL, TAKE IT FROM MY HAAAAAAAAAND"
Me: LMAO
G: But I got into a fender bender anyway. FML
Me: Jesus must have been on a coffee break when you called
G: LOL Right? He should have an Apostle taking messages or something
Me: lol "Hi, you have reached Jesus. I'm not able to come to the phone right now, so please leave a message. If it's urgent, please feel free to contact my father at 555-Godly, or, www.ILoveVirgins.com. Thanks and have a great day!"
G: LMAO I love virgins
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G: I can't stand when people say something is "gay"
G: I'll tell you what's gay
G: Homosexuality
Me: LOL. Thank you, Grandpa Simpson
G: lol Just sayin'
