I have this friend (no, it's not me) who is obsessed with any and all reality shows, provided they're deemed what she calls "tasteful" (oxymoron, no reality show is ever tasteful or ever worth a watch, but I digress). When it is the reality-monger's turn to choose what we watch on TV, we always know it will be some kind of trashy programming (although I guess our standards collectively lowered when we agreed to watch "Sharknado"). And this week she did not disappoint. There was a special awhile back on TLC called, "Extreme Cougar Wives". It is as it sounds, a show about much older women dating much younger men. Like every popular special on TLC, they decided this could be a series and have begun chronicling three May-December romances per episode. So far there have been two episodes and I have been extremely uncomfortable throughout them both. I'm sure you're thinking I can relate to the subject matter and that this show is right up my alley, but honestly it kinda creeps me out. They're not showing five or ten year differences, they're showing 30 and even 40 year differences. To put that in perspective, your favorite manwhore has only dated as old as 15 years his senior and was pretty self-conscious in that relationship.
It was completely lust that drew me into a relationship with this chick. She was in her 40's, I was in my early 20's and had zero interest in anything long-term or meaningful. It was just for fun and I think we both freaked out when it took a turn for the serious, which is why it ended. I couldn't fathom ending up with someone that much older than me. She's pushing 50 now and I'm 32. Just...no.
The dudes in this show, however, had no issue with the major age differences. Most seemed to be in for life. I just don't get some of the pairings though. One woman was in her 50's with a teenage daughter and had been divorced three times and was engaged to a 24-year-old dude. Her daughter was understandably not a fan of the relationship and she and the fiance' bickered like kids when they were in the same room together. He was closer in age to the daughter than he was to his future Mrs. and when the two of them argued, she scolded them both. Who the hell wants to go to bed at night with someone who scolds them like a child during the day? Even odder was a segment when her best friend came over and she obviously also didn't get along with the dude. And the friend's presence was a reminder of how wide the age difference was because she uses a cane to get around and has greying hair. I mean, really? If you're under the age of 45 and your wife's BFF uses a cane then maybe you need to reevaluate your life dude. As if that weren't enough, they showed their engagement party and the preparations for it and they went to buy the dude a suit. His first suit EVER. At age 24. It was also weird because the guy came off as really immature and the woman was not at all attractive.
There was one guy in all of this who didn't seem sold on the long-term thing. He was also in his early twenties and his chick was 54 and trying WAY too hard to hold onto her youth. (To put that in perspective for you, my mom is 54 and this guy was probably a good ten years younger than me.) Everything this chick wore looked like something from Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time" video, complete with assless pants. We're talking, assless pants worn to the damn grocery store. Her backstory was murky but she had a son who was not much younger than her boyfriend, whom she'd been dating for about two months. Both of my girl friends (Y & A) thought the boyfriend was very good looking and were perplexed as to why he was with a woman who looked at least a decade older than she actually was. Long, scraggly black hair and stretch marks aren't what you envision when you think of someone who lands a good looking younger dude. He claimed to love her crazy nature (newsflash: there are PLENTY of crazy chicks your own age, son) and she couldn't really list a reason why she liked him. Cameras rolled as he decided it was a fantastic idea to introduce this woman to his family which includes; his blonde, Jewish mother, his Italian bodybuilder step-father and his sweet little grandmother. As his girlfriend prepped for the meeting, she tried on various outfits, most of which showed a lotta skin. She settled on something that covered her ass but had her boobs pushed up and out. I wish I could find a cap of the look on his mother's face when she saw his girlfriend. PRICE. LESS. It was a mixture of shock, disbelief and 'I'ma send this boy back from whence he came'. Still, props to her for keeping an open mind. They sat down to dinner and mama launched into a flurry of questions about the woman's past and why they're attracted to each other. But it was when she mentioned the prospect of a future together and children where things took a turn. One would think that you wouldn't bring someone home to your parents unless you were leaning towards something serious, but that is not what Junior thought. He nearly choked on his juice box when mom brought up the topic of settling down with this woman. He seemed to hit the brakes and the girlfriend said she was just taking things a day at a time, but seemed surprised that he almost scoffed at the idea of something more serious. Then, it came out that she was two years OLDER than his mother. If this were me, this would have been the point where my mom slapped me so hard that I would've been lifted up into the air and landed back in the Prehistoric, and you could tell his mom wanted to do the same. In the end, dad excused himself right after dinner and said he was going to bed and had no idea why they were together. Mom followed suit and the happy couple left. As the show ended, they were still together so I guess dinner didn't have any real effect on things.
I get the attraction to older women (obviously), and more power to folks who throw age, color and all that out the window when choosing who to date. But the logistics of dating someone that much older creep me out. You probably can't have kids. You'll probably watch them die, and then have to go on by yourself for another ten or twenty years. And you can't possibly have a ton in common, no matter how old of a soul the younger one is. I mean, things got weird for me with an ex when I mentioned that I wished I were alive when John Lennon was so I could see him perform and she was like, "Yeah, I remember the night he died in detail". But I get that not everyone thinks that way. How did the world live before reality television programs and cougars?
