This day has been ridiculous. Hilarious and ridiculous. Fonz bless you beautiful souls I'm tethered to.
First off, the gay cousins got awesome news this morning in the form of a call from the state to tell them they will be allowed to legally adopt! It's been a loooooong time coming for them and I couldn't be happier to welcome the newest member of our family, Mr. E, who will be 3-years-old next month. While we're all happy about this, Crazy Aunt took a different view and immediately turned to DMC and his wife, who married a few months before the gays, to say, "See?? Even the gays had a baby before you and they had to go through the state. You only have to go at each other!". Needless to say, Crazy Aunt thinks we need more babies round these parts. Mr. E will arrive home in time for Christmas, which has become a challenge for my mom and aunts. Some people have fancy Christmas trees that look like they came out the Martha Stewart magazine. Our family Christmas tree is made up of ornaments from over the years (some of which have seen better days) and handmade ornaments for everyone in the family that have our first and middle names on one side and our childhood nicknames on the other. They're quite nifty and this year was a bit of a downer because we had to remove a name from the tree (ah, divorce is fun), and now there's a mad dash to make one for Mr. E. 2015, the year we lost an in-law but gained a midget.
Then, this happened:
G: Well this is embarrassing. My mom wants a selfie.
Me: LOL. Told you I'ma be yo step-daddy.
G: lol I was genuinely concerned when she asked. I told her you're all Grizzly Adams now and she said she hopes not because you so pretty. So she wants to see how you look and, most likely, tell you to shave.
G: lol I was genuinely concerned when she asked. I told her you're all Grizzly Adams now and she said she hopes not because you so pretty. So she wants to see how you look and, most likely, tell you to shave.
Me: LOL. Like it's not enough to have my mom, my sister, Y, the sister-in-law, MOC and Miss N on my case. Now your mom has joined the pride.
G: lol Yes. And she's getting impatient.
And then Chaka Khan took center stage:
Me: So Steve Harvey crowned the wrong country as Miss Universe. And today I found out I'm actually the real Miss Universe.
W: lol I knew it!!!
Me: I've been practicing my wave and distancing myself from my drug cartels all morning.
W: lol Oh sure, now you distance yourself.
Me: lol Don't worry, my reign will probably only last until Steve Harvey is able to sound out your last name, rip the crown off my weave and give it to you.
W: LOL
W: *sends photo of Oprah* You're Miss Universe and you're Miss Universe. Everyone is Miss Universe!
Me: LOL. IIIIIIIII'm every Miss Universe, give that crown to meeeeeeee. Didn't you hear Steve Harvey baby? He crowned me, then he sayyyyyy, "No, no, nooooooo. It's not yo shoooooooow".
W: LOL!
The convo continued on Facebook:
*W posts picture that says, "Who else is walking into 2016 single" with the caption, "I'm not walking. I'm strutting!"*
Me: Be careful they don't snatch your crown whilst you take that strut.
W: LOL It's alright, Oprah done gone and crowned everyone already
And finally:
Me: How you be, gurl?
Her: I hit the snooze button for an hour and gave myself a headache.
Me: *sends photo of a terrified looking Gizmo and the caption, "*Isn't sure if "snooze button" is a euphemism*"*
Her: LOL!!! Well...that does help me sleep...
Me: lol But you don't wanna hit it hard enough to get a headache. #PleaseHammerDon'tHurtEm
Her: LOL Your hashtag
