Well, the news has been nothing but bad lately, has it? Just when you think things are beginning to look up, here comes another monsoon. Last night my mom got home late and brought news that her car had trouble starting. This morning, it "really had trouble" starting and now we're concerned she won't be able to get it home tonight, or get back to work tomorrow. I wish I could get her a new (used) car. I have a feeling that's the only thing that's going to be reliable, it seems like the parts on this one are failing one by one. And in such a timely manner, always when there's no money in the bank. I shouldn't complain since it was very low-maintenance for most of its life but this year, of all years, is the one it chooses to have issues in. I hate not being able to do a damn thing about it. All I can do is stress and hope things work out, knowing they likely won't since that's the kinda year it's been. And the hits just keep on coming.
My best friend's sister (SK) was all mean girl during our high school years. She and her clique were bitchy to everyone except each other. The contrast between her and her sister was amazing, everyone loved the best friend because she was actually nice and not really clique-y. I've never really gotten along with SK for the simple fact that she was a mean girl. We grew up together, we tolerated each other, but we've never been friends. During our college days, and slightly beyond, SK ran the gamut of sexual orientations; she came home with a high school friend and claimed she was gay, then said maybe she was bi and finally brought home a dude for Thanksgiving dinner. I think most of this was just to get a rise out of her father and get attention, but only she knows for sure. Everybody was a bit shocked when she began to settle in with the dude she brought home a few years ago. But not as shocked as when she announced (via Facebook, no less) that she'd dumped bachelor number one and was engaged to bachelor number two. The BF's immediate reaction (and FB reply) was, "You're pregnant huh?". Right on the money. They'd been dating all of five minutes, she found out she was pregnant and they decided to get hitched. Two months later, they eloped and the past seven months have been about settling in together. I have to admit, I've been shocked at how much she's settled down herself. I've seen her in a whole new light the past few months and I was looking forward to meeting the newest addition to the family. But I guess it was not to be. She was scheduled for her seven month check-up yesterday and everything came to a halt when the doctor couldn't detect a heartbeat from the baby. Eventually she got one but it was weak, so they rushed her in for a c-section. Little Jackob James had many medical issues and it became apparent that he would not survive very long. Mom and dad vetoed any heroic measures and chose to wait for the inevitable and let him go peacefully. He moved on at 7:22 this morning, having met his grandparents, aunts and uncles and his cousin, Miss L. He'll be laid to rest early next week in the same plot as the grandmother he never got to know in life.
I think the worst thing there is in terms of loss is to lose a child. Whether it's in a situation like this, hours after birth, or years down the line the hurt has to be unimaginable. You love your kids from the moment you know they are on the way, there is already a bond when they're born. At that stage, the loss is about what could've been, and this little person you will never really know or get to see develop into its own person. Losing a child years down the line, you're mourning for who you did know, who you loved and raised and clothed and sheltered. But either way, I don't know how you get over something like that. I ADORE Miss N more than I've ever loved anyone else. More than I ever will love anyone else. She's just my world and I can't imagine how I would function if anything ever happened to her. She's by far the best thing to ever happen to me. I was so excited for this week, excited to be with the family and go to games and just hang out. But it blows. Over all this negative shit.
