Me: LOL Oh man...
Friend: *jeopardy theme plays as I wait*
(Me copying the convo to friend)
Crazy Aunt: Mijo, how do I set up this camera again?
Me: I set it up before I left
Crazy Aunt: I know but I had to move it and the tripod doesn't fit in my bedroom. Help!
Me: ...I am NOT editing anything filmed in your bedroom
Crazy Aunt: Only from one angle
Me: ...Still a no
Crazy Aunt: I saw this online, I want to try it but I don't think I'm flexible enough
Me: Please STOP
Crazy Aunt: Oh jeez that was meant for James
Me: ? Who is James?
Crazy Aunt: Mijo, he and I are amorous together
Me: LOL Seriously, please stop texting right now
Friend: You just made me cackle. So worth the wait
Me: Crazy aunt wins at life. She's setting up cameras in her bedroom and I'm hobbling around like an old dude because I hurt my back
Me: lol right? "Mijo, he and I are amorous together"
Me: I love how she said it do matter of factly as if she wasn't traumatizing me
Friend: LOL I. LOVE. HER. And so does James apparently
==========
Also, thank you to everyone who checked in on the family and I during the flood. The messages were greatly appreciated and I'm happy to report all of the clan is safe and sound. This was my favorite message o' support because it spiraled from, "Hey, don't die on me" to talk of gay 12-ways in record time. Only my friends, yo.
Friend: To my dearest [Giuseppe], I'm praying for you and your family during the floods in Colorado. You chose one heck of a time to go home and I wish there was more that I could do for you. I love you more than I have the capacity to express. You are my everything, please stay safe or else face my squirrely wrath!
Me: Much appreciated [called friend by the wrong name and gender]. I have no doubt you'd haunt me in the afterlife #NoOneGetsOutAlive
Friend: Smooth. At least you didn't call me by some other chick's name...THEN I'd be breaking some dishes!
Me: What if I called you by your slave name?
Friend: NO. You may only use my free name: Paprika
Me: Hi, my name is Basil and...well...I used to be a slave *reaches for Oreo*
Friend: *busy stuffing her mouth with Oreos* "I can taste the sad, Bahsul" (that's right, I Austin Powered the pronunciation of your free name, wanna make something of it?) *slaps the Oreo out yo hand*
Me: *runs out the room like Peter Griffin after realizing he was in a gay 12-way*
Me: And before you ask, yes I'm shirtless.
Friend: ""AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHTHESEAREMINEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Friend: Whoa what? You never told me you were shirtless, get back here! I have tamales for yoooouuu!
Me: *runs back for tamales* These are mine.
-----
Friend: LOL I just saw your response on FB
Me: lol You know I never leave a tamale behind
Friend: Now no one will ever believe that I love you
Me: Why?
Friend: Buhcuz of the way we talk to each other. We're mean
Me: Hey. HEY. It's called camaraderie and it's a sign of understanding
Me: We're not mean, we're smartassed
Me: And sometimes that involves slapping sugary snacks out each others hands or calling each other slaves
