Almost since birth, Y has been referred to as my "first wife". My family has always believed her purpose on this planet is to whip me into shape and turn me into marriage material someday (they're still waiting on that second one). Living in close proximity to your best friend has its good points and its bad ones. Such as...
Me: You know that stuff you left me to use on my hair?
Y: Yes, did you use it?
Me: It's orange.
Y: Yeah...?
Me: Like really orange.
Y: What does it matter? If it works, it works. Just use it already.
Me: The color freaks me out.
Y: Oh good god. I have you on one line bitching like a little diva about the color of hair products and [her boyfriend] on the other line bitching about how he can't find something in the kitchen. This is why you never hear of any woman having brother husbands. Because we can only stand one of your useless asses at a time.
Me: LOL. Jeez. I was just pointing out the color. Don't have to go all nuke-a-lar about shit.
Y: lol Oh, I'll show you nuke-a-lar, Miss Turner...
Me: LOL If I was a diva, I certainly wouldn't take lip from you, Ike!
Y: LOL. Well done.
As if that were not enough torture for one day, then came this...
[A pulls up picture of good looking convict that's sweeping the social networks]
Y: What a shame. Had he made different life choices, he could've been an actor or a model.
G: Just think, Giuseppe, had you'd made different life choices, you could've been the hot convict taking the world by storm.
Me: LOL. Who are we kidding? With my current life choices, I could still be the convict that takes the world by storm.
A: LMAO. Amen!
