Well, October is officially upon us and you know what that means - my family's big fat gay wedding is just around the corner. And Crazy Aunt has kicked it into high gear while putting the finishing touches on everything. I have to say, most of us thought this would be a big, rainbow colored hot mess when she appointed herself the wedding planner but, at least from what I've seen so far, it looks like it's gonna be pretty great. But then I guess no one knows how to plan a wedding better than someone who has had three of her own. And really, it's more about the commitment than the party. It's been a very long, often trying, road for the happy couple and I'm glad they've made it to this point.
Events in my own personal life recently led me into a conversation about how "meant to be" comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes. For some, it's a blind date that turns into a lifelong affair, while others break-up and make-up a dozen or so times before finally committing to each other for the long haul. The sister and brother-in-law are a good example of how things never happen the way you expect - she wouldn't give him the time of day in the beginning and he swears he knew she was it for him from the moment they met and they've lasted sixteen years thus far. One of my exes' sisters met and married her dude within a four month span and they're still together over a decade later. R& A have been an endless stream of break-ups and make-ups and are going on ten years together. The point is that you can't predict whether something will last based on what came before the marriage. The happy couple themselves were on and off at least a dozen times before finally committing to get married and I think they're going to do just fine.
Marriage, as I understand it and as its been broken down for me expertly of late, is work and you get out of it what you put into it. That said, I think I understand why they say not to get hitched in your twenties. Let's face it, we're idiots in our twenties and we think we know everything about everything when really, we don't. What you want in your twenties is quite different from what you want in your thirties. I used to think random hook-ups and screwing around was an awesome way to live and now the thought of any of that makes me...tired. I'm all for having a blast in your twenties, Fonz knows I had more than my share of the fun, but that's all you should be allowed to do - have fun. No matter how mature you are, it's inevitable that your views, feelings and thoughts will change once you hit the next decade of your life. I know a ton of people who got married in their twenties, only to divorce once they got into their thirties, not because they didn't work at it or didn't love the person but because they both changed so much that they just weren't compatible anymore. With getting hitched being such a crapshoot as it is, why not wait until you can give it the best go imaginable, and under the best of circumstances?
I still don't believe in "love at first sight", but I do think you can just know if someone is the one for you after a few dates or a few weeks. And I think the chances of that being the actual right person go up dramatically if you're in your thirties. By that point, you (should) have a very good understanding of yourself and your beliefs and wants and needs out of life and relationships. You've had, at least, a decade to live your life independent of your parents and police yourself and decide what you want. There's a reason that people who got hitched in their thirties tend to last longer than those who married in their twenties. They understand the work involved in marriage and they're willing to do it, whereas in our twenties we're much more prone to throw our hands up, say we don't need this ish and walk away. Of course, this varies depending on the people involved but there's something to not being tied down too young. If the family gays were getting married even a couple years ago, there's no way they would make it because they were both still living for their twenties, with all that entails. What a difference a few years make, eh?
