I'd been home all of about twenty minutes and then this happened...
Crazy Aunt: Now, everybody has to take pictures at the wedding. There's gonna be Funsaver cameras on every table.
Cousin: What?? Why can't we just use our phones?
Crazy Aunt: No phones unless it's an emergency.
Me: Who the hell even still stocks Funsaver cameras?
Y: lol What if I urgently need to take a photo? Then can I use my phone?
Crazy Aunt: No! We are using the Funsavers!
Cousin: Can you even get that film developed anymore?
Groom 1: Who develops film? You didn't tell us about these cameras.
Crazy Aunt: Stop complaining or I'll start telling you all about the horror of menopause.
Y: What horrors? You don't get your monthly pain anymore, consider yourself lucky!
Me: Gee, I can't wait to attend your 1990's style wedding this weekend.
Groom 2: LOL. Yeah...me neither. I knew I shouldn't have let her plan it.
Crazy Aunt: I think the worst thing about the menopause was the vaginal dryness.
Me: LMAO! Ewwwwww.
Y: LOL. Yuck. My ears, MY EAAAAAARS!
Groom 1: That is disgusting. Just stop.
Crazy Aunt: I'm sorry, mijo. I forgot there were people in the car who don't like vaginas.
Me: LOL. Good god, Miss N cover your ears.
Crazy Aunt: Why does she have to cover her ears? She likes vaginas.
Y: LMAO! Jesus...
Me: Oh my god...
Crazy Aunt: By the way, have you ever slept with a woman, [Groom 1]?
Groom 2: [Crazy Aunt!]
Crazy Aunt: Well, I don't know if he has. I know you have. How does he know if he's gay if he's never tried everything in the buffet line, you know?
Me: LOL. This is glorious.
Groom 1: Um...no, I haven't. And I'm sure I'm gay lol.
Groom 2: Let's just sit in silence the rest of the ride, okay? lol
Me: Hey man, welcome to the family.
Groom 1: lol Yeah I'm starting to rethink joining up.
Me: lol It's understandable. I don't know why anyone gets joined in holy matrimony to this mess once they've spent the holidays with us.
