Dirty Tricks

Me: I wrenched my back something fierce last night, ya'll.
G: Giuseppe, I told you someone with back problems shouldn't try and do the whole Kama Sutra in one night.
Me: lol Hey! Tonight is the night for Kama Sutra. Have some respect for the holiday!
Y: Don't whine to me about your back issues. I had an allergic reaction to something and now I'm extremely Itchy-itchy-yaya-dada.
Me: LMAO! Wow, that seems like an insane amount of itchy you got going on there.
G: LOL. That was perfect.
Y: LMAO. Please don't ask why that's in my phone.
G: So what are ya'll going as for this 90's themed shindig I'm jealous of?
Me: Well, Grandpa Simpson...
G: lol Fucker.
Me: I'll go as Missy Elliot and Y can go as Lil Kim.
Y: LOL. But you're sluttier than me!
Me: lol But you already know your lines.
G: LOL. #DropDatMic
Me: Actually, I'm thinking about spending the day as a mature, functional adult (beginning now lol).
G: lol That should be fun.
Me: Yes. I look forward to people thinking I've finally gotten my life together, only to realize tomorrow that it was just a costume.
G: lol You sick bastard.
Me: lol Tis the season.

[Almost exactly an hour later]

Me: Some kid at Starbucks was gonna get the last muffin, so I cut in front of him. He called me out on it and I says to him, I says, "No, you shut up!".
G: LOL. I see going as a functional and mature adult quickly lost its novelty...
Me: LOL. Maturity and functionality are for losers.
G: lol You couldn't go one hour.
Me: lol I know. More proof that kids ruin everything.