Arthur, He Does Who He Pleases

My cousin's girlfriend and I have an argumentative, brother/sister kind of relationship. She's one of the smartest smartasses I know and somehow the week isn't complete until we harass one another. I have her in my contacts only by her last name because her first name is so demure and doesn't fit the sailor's mouth she has on her, while her last name is Irish and fits just perfectly. She has me in her contacts as "Arthur" because...well, you can probably figure out that one if you've ever seen the movie. But at the end of the day, I love her and I'm glad she may be part of the family fold down the line. And here's why:

Me: Dude, I saw this lady on an ID show who looked just like you.

Me: Except, you know, she was actually a lady.

AK: LMAO. Fuck you so hard, Artie.

Me: LOL. That's right, show me what a lady you is. That'll get me back!

AK: lol I am a lady, fuck you very much.

Me: *Faux offense at such language*

AK: You like ladies who use that word. No, wait...you like to do that word to ladies. No, no...not ladies, crazy bitches.

Me: True, true, false. They're not all crazy lol.

AK: LOL. That...will be on the keychain I get you for your birthday. Because not all of them being crazy is basically all you've accomplished in 33 years.

Me: LOL. Fuck you so hard right back.